Jackson's highly questionable adventures at 2Fort
by Dr. Denial
Summary: Jackson is a lovely chap who merrily skips along in the TF2 world for no reason but to prove how cowardly and incompetent he is. See his stupid, boring adventures as he tries to seek a way back home. Rated M for naughty words and drug use.
1. Jackson wakes in the safety of his home

**Jackson's highly questionable adventures at 2Fort**

Jackson is a simple, slacker stoner who materializes in 2Fort somehow. Watch as our OC hero deals with the RED team, rocket launchers, and deals with his disintegrating sanity.

I wrote this out for hoots, but mostly of boredom one night. It was going to be about some guy who gets transported to a mythical land with wacky characters. But I thought it was too stupid.

Somehow, my idea evolved into this.

I bet there are millions of mistakes, feel free to find every single one. I will give you a trophy.

Rated M for bad words and drug use

**Jackson wakes up in the safety of his home**

The sunlight shone through the thin crack of my dark blue curtains, blinding me as if it was some sort of toxic laser. I could hear my neighbour's dog barking signalling that it was now morning, and more possibly the afternoon.

I slowly woke from another alcohol-induced slumber, fighting against gravity to sit up. With a tried groan that resembled a dying creature, I had difficultly, trying to untangle myself from the mess of bed sheets and comforters. With my eyes and mouth dry as sandpaper and my body aching from laying in the wrong position all night, it was yet another bleary start to another day of doing nothing.

Stumbling to the bathroom and expelling my bladder, I half-heartily washed my face afterwards and stared at myself at the mirror for a moment. When, my spell of sudden vanity was over, I snatched my jacket laying on the lino floor (half wet from someone having a shower) and I dragged my feet to the kitchen. Ignoring the rising pile of undone dishes from the night before, I glanced over to the stove to see the kettle still steaming on the element; what I needed was a good, hot, cup of tea to-

"Good afternoon Jack."

With another groan (much quieter though), I rolled my head slightly to face the cold owner of the voice. Kate, ie. younger sister, evil tyrant sat on her spot at the small kitchen table, her manicured hand holding a spoon, her other clutching the paper. Kate didn't look at me as she left her spoon in her bowl of oats to take a sip of tea. I started to prepare my own cup.

"Hey."

Silence filled the gap between us.

I looked out towards the garden. It looked like rain, the sky was covered in grey clouds with darker, scarier ones away in the distance. I saw our fat neighbour, Phillips or Levowitz or something, the owner of the yappy hound watering his plants with a hose. I never understood why he did that, it was clearly going to rain. I looked up towards the clouds some more, distracting myself from listening to Kate turning the pages of the paper.

Things were again awkward between us. It was common now to be fighting every third or fourth day now, and spending the rest of the week pretending it never happened and ignoring each other. Although she is 3 years younger, she acts of mother, nursemaid, lawyer and judge for every little thing. She reminds me of a leopard, a cute, lovely creature with the ability to rip your face to shreds if provoked. And I, an antelope, a scrawny, tall slender man, who gets his ass handed by his little sister every day. It wasn't my fault, in fact if I had it my way, I be gone from this wretched little nest. Alas, mother bought the flat for both us. Just because I wasn't as successful and getting more money at work and had less trusting friends, doesn't mean a thing. It was my curse for being the handsome one.

Often I'd send a witty quirk about her absence of friendship and boys, which would send her screaming the same rant over and over until I say sorry, or she finds something else to yell about. But, me still in the beginning of a hangover, decided not to push her buttons today. Instead, I would make polite conversation and get on her good side.

I went back to preparing my tea,

"So, you're still home?"

She took another drink from her own mug. "I have an important date with a potential business venture-er. We're having dinner tonight."

I didn't understand that sentence. I pondered if she just made it up on the spot, but in my state, I would be better not think about it. Her smug smile forced me to forget about preventing the serious matter of my hangover.

"Oh good, maybe if you're lucky, it's a man and he's handsome, rich and single, and he'll sweep you off your feet and you'll live in a castle and move out."

An awkward pause surfaced. Only the clinking noises my spoon made against my mug of tea when I mixed in the honey and milk was heard. I knew what was coming. surprisingly, Kate sounded very calm.

"Maybe. But then, you might nearly die in your own filth and you'll have move back in with mum. And then *I* have to deal with the repercussions that follow."

Did I hear a single strain of spite? I stared ahead, staring out into the tiny garden outside the window; I smirked... Dare I?

"At least you'll finally get laid."

Oh dear, I did struck a nerve... that pleases me.

"How *OLD* are you?"

Oh god, I here it comes. God damn, I wish I didn't start this again, I don't want a headache. I regret everything.

Her teeth barred like a rapid dog, she forgot about her oats. I simply ignored her. The faster I let her get through her dissatisfaction, the faster if would be quieter.

I yawned and one of my sluggish hands rubbed at my morning stubble on my face. Fortunately, my headache did not return but I did notice how much quieter it gotten. I looked over at Kate; she was staring at me with fierce eyes, awaiting my response.

I decided to change the subject. I rolled my eyes and left the kitchen towards the living/sunroom.

"I'm going to Slemaches later. You need anything while I'm out?"

I collapsed heavily on the sofa, thankfully setting my mug of tea on the coffee table before hand.

Although I couldn't see her face, I could tell she crossed her arms,

"Oh, you that smelly hard candy you like?"

I narrowed my eyes and glared towards the ceiling, "You know what I meant. And for your information, I'm not going to see my 'goonish friends' tonight. I'm going to detoxify my body this weekend. Nothing but pure fruits and vegan mayo for me."

"And a few joints." She added.

I didn't answer. I didn't answer because she was right. Well I don't care. It's my fucking week off and I could do whatever I please at home.

The rest of the morning- or the afternoon involved her and me ignoring one another. It kept the peace going and her sanity intact. Whatever she does in her office/bedroom is beyond me, I however, branched out throughout the entire flat, keeping my computer in the living room.

I made myself a pear and apple smoothie and sat crossed legged at the table. With a few clicks, I was logged into steam, and was on my way onto playing some little violent videogames. The familiar tune of the Demoman's theme brought a grin to my face. I choose a server and waited for it to load, sipping on my drink, re-reading my stats on the computer screen. I had nothing else better to do.

Kate eventually emerged from her domain, going on her dinner adventure.

"Leaving already?" I asked dodging a rocket and hiding behind a conveniently placed stack of crates. Running out of bullets in the middle of a war-zone means you're pretty much dead. Not unless you're a master at melee battling, which I admit, is not my forte.

She frowned, "It's 5:30. My meeting is at 6:50."

"Oh"

_God dammit, where did the day go?_

"Yes, um, I don't know when I'll be back. Maybe 8, 8:30. We'll see." She muttered, taking out her keys.

I knew exactly what she was doing. To prevent starting another fight, she'd give me a stern look, as in a warning. If I didn't answer her right way would lead to her shouting insults at me.

I, who simply wanted to play TF2 and prevent another headache, just complied.

"Yes, I won't smoke in the house." I grumbled. My Soldier character was brutally slaughtered by a shower of bullets.

"Good. And make sure you don't smoke near Mr. Baines this time. Poor man has tuberculosis. He can't stand any type of smo-"

"Yeah, yeah, have fun right."

"I will." Her voice called out, getting fainter as she walked further away. I waited until she closed and locked the door before I went into action.

I sacrificed my character and stayed in the respawn room as I leapt up ecstatically from my seat.

With a few joyful bounds, I scurried to my bedroom and went straight to my hiding spot where I kept all my marijuana. Skimming through all my secret treasures, I finally found my little black cloth bag. With a happy grin, I skipped down the hallway, back to my computer.

I considered smoking in the living room, just to prove I wasn't going to be bossed around by someone younger than me. But, being a self proclaimed slacker, I'm going to put up much of a fight either.

I sighed, and made my way to the wet, murky patio. I sat in a water-soaked cushion in a lawn chair and flicked out a lighter from my sweatshirt pocket. My mumbling and grumbling about the weather starting to decrease, I sat back, relaxed and opened my bag. I removed a joint and pressed it into my mouth while drawing the strings along the bag to a close.

Lighting the exposed side with my light, I inhaled deeply before relaxing letting the grey smoke escape my nose and mouth. Watching the smoke rise and swirl like dragon fire, I suppressed the urge to cough my mouth out. Blinking slowly and watching the rain-like mist fall from the vanilla sky, I thought of what I could do after my smoke break. Following routine, I could smoke my usual smokes then have dinner. I could take out old VHS copies of "Unsolved Mysteries" and huddle under the covers with all the lights on till Kate comes back.

I began to smoke a cigarette, a common practice I taken on after watching people older than me do.

I get all my best ideas while high, I could continue my epic novel that will one day rival Harry Potter. I perked suddenly. There was something I wanted to do; dominate that 13 year old Demoman with his damn pimp hat.

Rushing inside before bolting the door, I dried my wet feet on the shag carpet and wrung the leg bottoms of my pyjamas. Taking a moment, I tossed all the butts into the compost and put the black bag into my shoulder pocket for later.

I sat back into the office chair, and tuned on the monitor and placed my hands over the appropriate keys on the key board and mouse. I was ready to attack with vigour the moment I left the respawn roo-

_What the fuck?_ I stared at the screen.

I was in the respawn alright. But everything was frozen, no sound, no movement, just a POV of my Soldier character staring at the respawn door.

"Pah! This is just what I need" I muttered.

I rushed my mouse around, hoping that I'd see that little pointer. None.

I grumbled and slouched. Now I'll have to restart the damn game.

"Now I have to wait till it loads again... Stupid, expensive computer thing."

What a perfect moment to destroy my peaceful buzz. I pressed the restart button, leaned back in my seat and waited. Nothing happened.

_Aw for- FUCKS sake._

On my hands and knees, wedged under the computer desk, I began a search to find out what was wrong. The computer was still plugged in, every wire was connected and the power wasn't off. But I'm not a computer expert, maybe I should-

I froze. Something was wrong.

I sat back into my seat.

My headache I thought long gone returned with the power of a 100 power drills. But this didn't feel like a normal pain, this was a painful, like your head will implode type. I rubbed my temples gingerly.

I blinked a bit when my eyes got tingly, and I eagerly took another sip of my forgotten smoothie.

Is this normal to have my limps feel like jelly? I shook my arms out; they were getting number, with odd pulses coming from the joints.

I groaned and clenched my teeth.

_Ohhhhh fuck, what the fuck is wrong with me? I needa... I need to call..._

I froze. A strange electronic buzz came out of nowhere. Before I could even wonder where it was coming from, I held the sides of my ears to keep it out.

Fuuuuuu- Stopit! I hissed.

I flung myself forward from my chair. This wasn't right, this wasn't right at all.

My whole body was shaking and trembling, I felt everything move around me

I was going numb

The ability to breathe was getting harder

I felt as if my heart was going to leap from my throat if it went any faster.

I was getting disoriented, everything was moving, and I couldn't tell the floor from the wall from the ceiling

I was all numb

I was panicking, what's WRONG to me?

It was the moment when everything simply vanished into darkness that I fell onto thin air.


	2. Jackson wakes up in a videogame

_Note; I write this without proofreading then doing my schoolwork_

**Jackson wakes up in a videogame**

I fell through the ground. At one moment, I felt as if I fell from a very tall step ladder. While the interior of my living room nearly disappearing around me, I was almost blissfully floating in darkness.

Until I drop right onto the hard, cold floor.

It was more like plummeted down, with a loud thump and crack from my right side. The wind was knocked out of me as I was tossed on the freeing floor into a very uncomfortable position.

I laid there frozen, coughing weakly as I was very confused and dazed. I groaned as I dragged my heavy, limp body up into a sitting pose. I was in pain, my muscles, my bones; my eternal organs all stung and throbbed- it hurt even to just sit there. I looked around in my surroundings; there was nothing but darkness and cold. I could tell I was in a building. It was like I was dropped in a gigantic barn; hay bunched up in odd places, cobwebs in the corners, but it was a very unlike a farm type of barn. I rolled onto my knees and tried to stand up. I collapsed back onto the floor when my legs gave out under me.

_Ooww, fucking, shitting hell... I need to sit here a bit longer..._

Massaging my sore, sleeping legs, I looked up to see that I was dropped in front of a massive metal garage door.

I squinted to read the sign above it through the dark; Respawn.

Re...respawn. Fucking Respawn?

I sat there, just staring at this sign. None of this clicked in.

I didn't even want to think of it. But eventually, while just blinking, mouth agape, staring up at this sign, everything fitted together.

_Red barn like... garage like door with respawn sign... everything LOOKS like 2fort..._

"Yep, I'm somehow in 2fort."

_Ah Christ. _

My stomach cramped, I lunged over to thowup. Spilling up the last remains of my last meal, I flopped over onto my side and just laid there. It wasn't really how I wanted to spend the remainder of my free night... clutching my stomach, rolled up in a half fetal position, thinking that I'm in a video game...

I smirked. That sounds so stupid.

I continued to lay there, my mind swirling with different thoughts, gaping at my own puddle of vomit.

I was cold. The ground felt like ice through the fabric of my thin, flimsy pyjama bottoms. The fact that I wasn't wearing shoes didn't help either. Although the cool floor was helping my sore muscles, and the nauseating sickness in my gut was subsiding, I felt absolutely miserable.

All the sudden, my heart nearly blew up through my chest as the lights snapped on and an alarm screeched through the entire building.

I shielded my head from the bright lights. When I peeked through an opening from the baggy folds of my sweatshirt sleeves, I could see I was defiantly in The RED base.

Only how?

I tried to sit up again, my eyes blinking rapidly to adjust to the piercing light, totally ignoring the alarm.

"INTURDER ALERT! INTURDER ALERT!"

Now it was time to get worried.

After a few tries, I finally perched myself up on my two shaky legs. I felt like I was trying to learn to slit-walk for the first time, wobbly, and unsure of my ability to stay upright. I was horribly dizzy, and weak. But with the strength of a 100 antelopes, I finally got myself stumbling into a random direction. I didn't know where I was going or bothering to read any landmarks. My only thought was to get far away to smoke a smokestack.

But my ailing body was working against me, I felt like I was running on a pair of liquorice sticks then a pair of legs. I fought the urge to fall down after tripping over myself numerous times.

I tried to grip the wall, but mostly slamming against it to keep going in momentum.

I could hear the alarm was getting more distant, the only noises coming from the pattering of my bare feet on the concrete ground and the blood pounding in my ears.

Feeling oddly safer, I heaved forward a bit more and finally slowed down find my bearings.

I looked behind me; it looked like no one was chasing me. I forced myself to laugh nervoulsy... why was I running when there was nothing to run from?

Leaning against the wood wall to breathe, I noticed that I ran into the middle of a giant, empty warehouse.

Beyond me, I saw an exit. A beautiful, huge warehouse door- and it was open!

Outside, I saw a desert-like area, spanning outwards towards giant mountains in the distance with a huge inky-black sky with yellow dots decorating it. It was a way out of this, and I was going to take it.

Chewing on my bottom lip, I limped my way to freedom.

"HALT!" a man's voice bellowed from behind me.

Turning to my left slightly, without staying from my pitiable attempts to run away, I glimpsed at the owner of the voice.

It was a man.

I gaped at this man, for he wasn't just any man, he was the goddamn, bloody RED Soldier.

There he was, across the way, wearing his damn army uniform, his helmet comically covering his head and grasping his shovel with one hand.

In any other circumstance, I would have probley laughed, take a photo and show it to my friends later. But due to the matter of how I got there, where I was and that I was petrified, I summed up this whole arrangement into two words;

"AW SHIT!"

I took off again running, not bothering to explain myself. Although the stranger could easily run after me through the desert, I felt that dashing through that door would be the answer to everything.

But of course, I'd would have ran anywhere if it would mean getting away from this guy.

"AHHHHHHTTAAAAACCCKK"

I was tackled forcably from behind.

He grabbed my waist with two monstrous arms and dragged me down. In the state I was in, I went down easily... and hard.

With his knee on my back, a giant hand on my twisted arm and a barrel of a shotgun pointed to the side of my head, I was trapped. I struggled under the much stronger mans weight, trying vigorously to escape.

"Think you could outrun a soldier huh?" The gun was pushed harder into my head.

"AHHH! GETOFFFAMEEE" I muffled into the floor. It's difficult to yell at someone when they have your head pressed onto the ground with a gun. I twisted and contorted my body, trying to throw off this heavy mass of- holy shit, this guy is the Soldier. I was getting manhandled by the Soldier. God damn it.

The man chuckled darkly while I futilely tried to snake myself from his grasp.

"Heh, you BLU ladies sure know how to run. Then the moment you're cornered, you start begging for mercy. I outta just shoot your ass back to respawn."

My squirming ceased.

I do not like the sound of that.


	3. The Engineer meets Jackson

_Our hero ladies and gentlemen!_

* * *

**The Engineer meets Jackson**

The Engineer grumbled as he marched down the hallway connecting the respawn and his workshop.

_2... _He glanced at his watch annoyed.

_2:19 in the gad-damn mornin'. This better not be another damn false alarm._

This was the 6th time in 2 months that their alarm went off for no apparent reason. He remembered the first time their alarm blared; everyone was up, already loaded up with their weapons and armour, ready to defend from the attack by the BLUS.

But it never came. The BLUs never once showed themselves. They all lingered until sunrise, when the Administrator announced a real match.

The second time, all of them again, waited for the attack.

By the 4th time, it seemed that the others created the ability to sleep through the annoying blare of the fire bell, and the recording of the Administrator's voice repeating itself. But the poor Engineer couldn't, the alarm could go on for hours without someone manually turning it off. And that someone had to be him. Well why not? He was the go-to guy when it comes anything with mechanics, electronics and other bugaboo. Engie didn't mind when their TV was static-ey, or when someone wanted something fixed, but making him the guy to get up when the alarm went off in the early morning was just harsh. It didn't help that one of the alarm bells was located conveniently in his workshop where he often slept.

Engie quickly checked the common-area. What a surprise, no one else was up. The Engineer frowned and turned hastily to the security room.

With a few tabs pulled, and buttons pushed, all was at last silent. The alarm was still ringing in his ears as he fell into a nearby rolly-chair with a yawn and stretch.

He sleepily observed the many televisions of the cameras littered all over the battlements of the base. One camera caught his eye; a soldiery camera in the loading bay on the other side of the base.

_Huh... oh Solly's up... Was he doin'?_

The Engineer froze. It looked like... he was sitting on a woman...and... the basterd had a gun on her! Quick as a flash, the Engineer ran as fast as he could to the entry bay.

He was out of breath by the time he got to the Soldiers side, still saddling on the poor lady's chest while nudging her cruelly with his shotgun.

The Soldier noticed the Engineer huffing and puffing towards him.

"Engie! Good you're here! I got a-"

The Engineer's face was red as a beet, clutching his chest as he breathed harshly.

"SOLDIER! *gasp* WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

Soldier gave his teammate a surprised look.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm teaching this BLU scum a lesson on trying to strangle us in our sleep like the coward he is!"

"Solly... *huff* get off of her...*pant* it's a lady"

The Soldier stared at him.

"It's isn't a lady! It's one of those pansy hippies from the BLU team. See?" He firmly poked the stranger with a single finger.

The Engineer managed to get a better look at the captive.

"Huh, you're right... SOLDIER! Get off of him, it's a civilian!"

The Solder released his grip slightly to grab the much thinner, weaker man by the scruff of his oversized jacket and forcing him to his knees. The young man looked too stunned to put up a fight and put his hands behind his head in compliance.

"Civilian? HA! I bet my Gunboats that it's just a maggot spy in disguise."

The Soldier gave his catch another sharp poke.

Both of the feeble man's eyes were big as the rim of a coffee mug, and he, like the Engineer, was breathing coarsely, gasping like a fish out of water.

The Engineer looked up and down sceptically at the trembling figure.

"I'm pretty sure that ain't a spah."

"That's just what he wants you to think. Watch, the moment I hit him with my shovel-"

"NO" the Engineer and the man both cried out as the shovel was swung down straight onto the stranger's head.

"AHHHHHHHHRRRgggGGHG"

The Soldier released his grasp as the man griped his head and lurched over, shrieking violently in pain. Blood flowed from the man's head from what looked like a thin cut nested in his mop of hair. Although it didn't appear to be much, the man whitened further at the sight of blood seeping through his fingers.

Still clutching his head, he rolled pitifully on his side, his spasms increased.

"AW SHITFUCK! AHHHRrrrTHHG!"

The Engineer and the Soldier watched the man squirm and fidget in pain on the floor as they tuned to each other.

"Aw, now look what you did!"

"What? I-"

"AAAAHHGHGH HELL!"

You made him bleed! I hope you're happy!"

"But I-"

"AHHHhhhRRG! BLOOOD! BLOOD IN MY EYES!"

The Soldier lifted his helmet a little to look down at the writhing, haemorrhaging man. He tightened his grip on his shovel.

"I just thought-"

"You dinnit think anything!"

"MY-HEAD! OOooooOOwww"

The Engineer shot the Soldier an angry glare as he bent down on one knee. He took out a handkerchief and gave the crying man a hand on his shoulder with a kind smile.

"Here son, lemme look at it."

The Soldier crossed his arms and pouted, "I didn't even hit him that hard."

The Engineer ignored him and lightly removed the young man hands covering the wound. Surprisingly, the man allowed him, only letting out a painful whine. Engie tried to comfort him a bit by leaving his hand where it was on his shoulder (also to keep him from jutting off) as he managed to look at the gash. The cut didn't look deep, but it was still bleeding a bit.

Solly was right about one thing, the man looked like a teen hippie; he kept his brown hair shoulder length, and although his looked ratty and un-kept, up-close it was soft and oddly clean-smelling. He had the beginning of a beard, nothing a quick shave would fix.

And what the hell was he wearing? It looked like this man was dragged out of bed and dumped right into their base!

It was the oddest pair of pyjamas he's ever seen, with a blocky cartoon man printed all over them. He was also wearing a light brown coat twice his size, making him look like he was wearing a blanket draped over his shoulders like a cape. And where was his shoes?

What surprised him the most about the man was how terrible he looked; He was cold, deathly pale with dark rings surrounding his red eyes. He looked terrified, shaking horribly, his eyes darting from him, to the Soldier to the door. The Engineer could feel his rapid heartbeat from the hand he had on his shoulder.

What the Engineer also noticed was the stranger's accent; he could tell from the string of curses and sobs that he wasn't from around here. Perhaps the man is a relation of the Sniper? But whoever and wherever he was from, he wasn't going to find out on the floor.

The young man whimpered pathetically as the Engineer gently slung an arm under the stranger's opposite arm and hoisted him up to his feet.

"What do you think you're doing?" The Solder snapped

"We're taking him to Medic. You hit over the head remember? We gotta get that checked up."

"He's MY prisoner! And besides, we should question him to prevent any evil plans BLU might conjure up while we're sleeping."

"We'll do that AFTER we see the Doc. He won't be any use to us if he's hurt and bleeding."

The Soldier grumbled and followed the pair down to the infirmary.

"He's just being a wuss on purpose."

"Blood... in my eyes..."


	4. Jackson meets the good doctor

_This is proof that adding 'z's to words makes them sound accented by a germen doctor! On another note, this is my favourite chapter._

* * *

**Jackson meets the good doctor**

_This is proof that adding 'z's to words makes them sound accented by a germen doctor! On another note, this is my favourite chapter._

The Medic stared down intriguingly at the man before him. The pale man stared up with wide eyes.

The Medic held up a pen

"Zay 'Pen'"

The man's lips trembled and rasped out "...Ah... fuck..."

"Hmmmm..."

He watched with interest as the frightened man pulled his legs tightly toward him muttering curses into his knees.

The Doctor had already cleaned the wound and wrapped a warm cloth over the man's head. It was not just to prevent further bleeding before he used the Medigun on him, but also distracted his new patient when he injected a strong narcotic in his arm. But at the moment, the cut wasn't interesting the doctor at all.

What was interesting him was the man's mental capability.

The man was terrified, with barley the ability to speak without ventilating and swearing.

The Doctors mind swam with different data, cures, experiments and quackery. This strange new arrival could prove to be a good test subject than from the same ordinary cases... the same, everyday, repeating group.

_Oh, all die sachend ich macen koennte_

But alas, he'd have to write this all in his log first. And then prep, perform proper examinations, analysis, arrange a control group and many other pre-test ordeals.

But he'll do it tomorrow, he was very tired and wanted nothing more than to just go back to sleep.

The Doctor turned around to face the Engineer and the Soldier, who were both waiting in seats across the room. The two were ignoring each other; the Engineer was holding the man's jacket while Soldier inspected one of the anatomy posters with mild interest.

The Medic didn't look it, but he was exhausted. No one knows that being a Medic for RED is the most challenging, demanding class you can be. It was the only class not only in needed in battle, but outside battle as well. When a match is won or lost, everyone can put down their weapons, sit down, drink and relax. Poor Medic however, has the task of after battle scratches and burns, making sure everyone were ingesting their medication, and then finally completing paperwork into the wee hours of the morning.

The Medic shuddered... the paperwork... why was it his damn responsibility to write his damn signature on every damn scrap of paper shoved on his desk everyday was beyond his understanding.

But unfortunately, even worse than repeating writing his name was curing any little ailment that one of his fellow teammates would conjure up out of the blue at any time. And that is _ANYTIME._

So it wasn't a surprise to the doctor, who after only 38 minutes of blissful sleep, was jutted instantly awake by the infuriating alarm bell. After waiting a few moments to hear if people were dying outside, tried ignoring it.

But it was a shock, when attempting to ignore the nagging feelings of apprehension, to hear two booming, arguing voices and pounding on the door.

He was already clad in his uniform when he answered the door, not bothering to undress before collapsing into bed that night. The Medic was always prepared for a night time emergency.

Much like this for example.

He was expecting from what sounded like the Soldier and the Engineer a broken limb or two, easily repairable with his trusty Medgun. But what he got instead was a yelling Soldier and an annoyed Engineer carrying of what looked like a fainting homeless man with a bullet hole in his head.

From what the two bickering men told him, they found him wandering in the Entry bay;

"-I saw him staggering from the F2 hallway into the entry bay. I gave him a warning to yield, yet he tried running away. I thought, 'I'm not letting a BLU maggot escape' and used force-"

"Ya were sitting on him!"

"He was getting away! I did warn him!"

"An' then ya slammed him with a shovel!"

"You thought he was a girl!"

"Gentlemen please, I- you thought ze MAN was a frau?"

"I- I could tell from the camera allright?"

The Medic carefully put two of his fingers under his glasses to massage the bridge of his nose

"Ach dumeine guete-..." he muttered.

The two continued squabbling as Medic finally decided to aid the stranger, who was now already sitting on the examination table, clasping his bleeding head in his hands, his eyes screwed shut.

The Medic removed the unnecessarily large jacket relieving a simple black tee shirt and threw it to the Engineer

"Get ovea there in the chairs and let me vork please" he barked out as he returned his attention back on the sniffling man.

Medic kept an air of professionalism and it was his oath-his duty to take good care of his teammates, even if he wanted to cut out their facial features with a dull scalpel... well... unlike those couple of times...

He kept his head up, his shoulders back and back straight as he strolled toward the pair. He didn't appear all that tired, but he did have that bleary eye look when someone puts a sharp, bright light to your face.

The Medic crossed the wide floor of his Medical bay, persisting his control over his fatigued body.

"Well doc? Is he alright?"

"Ze young man doezn't have zigns of a concussion, but he doez appear to be shoch"

The Soldier crossed his arms away.

"See, I told you I didn't hurt him that bad."

"On the contrary, shoch could be life threatening if not treated correctly. So I gave him a sedative to help him zleep so I could use the Medigun on him. And so we could also move him vithout resistance to a more secure location."

They all ogled at the young man as they all hesitantly approached him; he was already lying down on the examination table, sleeping soundly.

When observing him, Medic had the desire to drop on the floor and snooze, yet he fought to keep his composure. But he couldn't help but feel a bit jealous and frustrated.

The Soldier grabbed Medic's shoulder and pulled him to his level.

"Well, *is* he their Spy?" he whispered in a low hiss

The Medic released himself from his grasp and strolled to his Medigun, which he had token out moments before.

"He dozen't have a respawn chip if zat vant you mean. Iz's a gud zhing you diddn't kill him before questioning."

"But how do we know he's a spah? For all we know, he might be just a civie passin' through."

The Medic adjusted the heavy healing machine on his shoulders and raised an eyebrow at the Texan.

"Vhy and how vould he be passing through our base? Zhe entire area is closed off for nearly 100 miles."

"My words exactly! He's a spy for the BLU team masquerading as a hippie to make us give up our weapons to his hippy clan! Without our weapons, we'd be sitting ducks!"

The Medic was finishing up healing the sleeping man. He was so tired. And exceedingly annoyed.

"Zoldier, he'd be a very poor spy to let himself get captured by you"

"I agree!

The Medic stared and stayed silent. He was still so very tired.

"C'mon Solly, he dossen't even LOOK like their spy!"

"Well then" Soldier crossed his arms, "IF he IS a civilian, how did he get into the base? Aren't YOU in charge of security?" the Soldier asked matter-of-factly.

"Well... ya see... I-uhh..."

"Gud question, ve'll ask him in the morning. Right now, ve lock him up. I'm too drowsy to deal vith strangers who may or may not be spies from BLU."

"Good idea doc, we'll put him in one of the empty supply rooms. No windows and its kinda warm."

"The LAST thing on our minds shouldn't be if he's comfortable! What we have to do is-"

"Give it a rest and help us carry him."

The Soldier did help, carrying the strange man by his lean legs while finishing his rant of dealing with prisoners of war.

The man wasn't a challenge to transport; he was long and thin and seemed weightless as they carried him down the now dark hallways.

They luckily found an empty room nearby between the Infirm and Engies workshop. While Soldier and Engie slumped their prisoner on the floor, Medic produced a large ring of keys he took from the security room and took his time to look through the jumble of keys.

"-and they'd only get cookies, if they complete the questionnaire provided! "

"Is that so? Well it look at the time! It's already 3!" Engineer interjected.

He leaned the man gently against the wall, furthest from the door. The man never woke. Soldier and the Engineer left the room and closed the door

The Medic locked the door with a satisfying click.

The Engineer looked at his watch again and sighed.

"Dang, wadda night huh? It's sure late..."

"Late? It's never late when it's war!" The Soldier waving his shovel around to make a point no one got.

Medic yawned, "Indeed, now if you don't mind, I'm going back to zleep."

He tossed the ring of keys in a chair and turned around. His warm bed was lovingly beckoning him and he simply wanted to sleep past dawn for once.

"YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE! We're in a critical situation here! You have to stay here to make sure he won't escape!"

The Medic ignored him and continued walking, leaving the Soldier and the Engineer behind.

The Soldier put his arms out to follow; he was prepared to drag him back if necessary if the engineer didn't put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"Let him go Solly, I'll stay here with ya. Keep ya company."

The Soldier scowled and grumbled.

"Well, at least you know what's important in this endeavour" Soldier muttered, dragging a chair in front of the door to barricade it before resting into it.

"I refuse to sleep knowing that a BLU is residing in the same base as us. Simply refuse. BLUs are experts at gutless acts. They'd snap your neck off while you're dozing off."

The Engineer chuckled. He didn't know the stranger locked in the room behind them, but he couldn't imagine the guy killing anyone. At least not in the state he was in currently.

"It's not like he could escape anyway. The vent is too small to crawl through, and he's sound asleep from the drugs. Just don't worry about it. We'll deal with it in the mornin"

His reassuring words didn't seem to affect Soldier, who sat with his arms crossed with a grumpy look on his face. He resembled a naughty child put in timeout.

Engineer continued anyway, "We'll deal with him when he wakes up. Now wadda we play? Goldfish or crazy 8's?"

"Goldfish"

So they played the whole night through.


	5. Jackson ponders his sanity

_When Jackson fails to keep a calm air of stability and composure _

**

* * *

**

**Jackson wakes up in a store room and ponders his sanity**

I've woken up in odd places before. I've once woken up in an alleyway, my goonish friend's smelly basements and even on occasion, a police cell.

And frequently, after dragging my exhausted, stiff body from where ever I found myself passed out, I find myself in amidst of a nasty hangover.

But oddly now, when blinking in confusion, I wasn't feeling ill today at all.

Which was my first thought when I was roused up by my tingly sleeping arm while sleeping on it.

Well, it wasn't my very first thought; I first thought how refreshed I felt and what the fucking hell happened last night.

I felt odd, not a bad sort of odd, but a lovely, endorphin-filled, Christmassy feeling you don't expect when you wake up.

Besides slight aching muscles and a severe case of the munchies, I felt fine.

Hell, I didn't even feel tired; it was like I just opened my eyes.

_Where's my coat... and my shoes? I want a cigarette. _

But unlike waking up with a hangover, I start to think clearly instead. This wasn't what I wanted at all, not while waking up in a strange room, in my night clothes, with my coat and shoes missing.

The recollections of the previous night's (was it morning? I can't tell) returned to me.

_I was at 2fort... I ran into a giant garage... the Soldier was after me... then the Engineer was there... I was hit with a shovel... then Stephan Colbert made an appearance... curious and hilarious._

What a kick, I really stumbled into the strange make-believe world of a video game of all places? ...things like that aren't possible... It's not like things like magically popping into fictional settings just happens normally to people... When strange and unusual events occur, it's often mundane like discovering something once lost before, or spotting a UFO and telling everyone... even though inside you know it was just a little airplane but you wanted it to be a UFO, so you simply just ignore that fact.

_Last night was probley just a bad trip, that's all._

Yes, a bad trip. Maybe I took hallucinatory drugs last night and simply forgot taking them.

_Yes, then I went outside and disrupted the peace or something. The Soldier could have been a cop, and he arrested me, and now I'm in a solitary confinement cell in prison. Soon Kate will pick me up, yell at me, we'll go home and I could have a bagel._

I shifted and squirmed uncomfortably. I wish there was a chair; the solid ground was hurting my backside. I uneasily adjusted my position and laid down on my back... the ground was cold.

_Seriously, where the fuck is my coat? _

I've never been in a solitary cell, but I assumed this was what one looked liked. Empty, dark, no windows, no bed or chair...

I know solitary confinement isn't supposed to be pleasant, but I wish I at least had a pillow... laying on my back staring at the blank ceiling really puts strain on your muscles.

I was content with my logical explanation of the past night's experience. I couldn't help but feed the nagging crushing on the back of my brain with more thought from that night.

The problem wasn't that I actually hallucinated; the problem was that everything, the base, the Soldier, felt too real.

I've had hallucinations before, even though they seemed real enough to be concrete and organic, you could at least tell apart real from imaginary. Last night just felt too genuine to be waved off as a drug-fuelled adventure.

Perhaps...in some way... I was really locked somewhere in the bowels of the RED team base.

_No, that wasn't real, video games aren't real. Real life is real, get over it._

I chuckled inside... I don't even think I have enough brainpower to fantasize something that big.

Yes, a dream, a delusion, nothing more.

Fed up with the unbearable discomfort, I sat back up to re-adjust my posture. I rested back into my corner with my back to the wall, my legs crossed into my chest. I sighed impatiently and laid my head on my knees.

_Yes... a wonky dream... that or I've gone completely bonkers. _

I heard talking outside. I perked instantly and listened intently to hear if Kate was there... I frowned, I couldn't hear her... Either my hearing is gone already or the door was too thick...

I heard the clinking of keys being cluttered.

I moved slightly, ready to get up once the cops enter.

_Ah yes, here is one of the friendly police officers here to escort me out to the wrath of my sibli-_

The door opened a crack, then after a brief pause open a bit more for a head to stick through. That head happened to look like the Team Fortress 2 Medic class.

It **was** the face of the Medic that peeked through hesitantly. It was lighter outside, leaving his face horrible lit up like a creepy haunted house attraction.

He spotted me in the corner. He opened his mouth to say something but I already was saying it for him.

"FFFUUUUCCKK! FUCK OOOF! AHHH SHITCUNTFUCKFUCK! AHHhtttTrrrggG!"

He shut the door quickly.

I was back in darkness. I cuddled myself as tightly as possible.

The past nights memories sunk and tightened my inner cavity like tar sinking a bus full of screaming children.

It was now that I realized how severe the danger I was in.

_Ohshitohshit, not only am I locked in a closet; I'm locked in a closet by a gang of cartoons... VIOLENT, MURDEROUS cartoons._

My heart started rapidly beating again, my arms and legs shaking with the tingly feelings of both fear and excitement.

_Ah shitshit, I'm having a bloody stroke, I've been taken hostage by murderous cartoons, they locked me in a bloody damn closet, I want to go home_

I've heard the domination lines, I've seen the "Meet the" videos; these men slaughter without pity or sympathy. They mow down each other and don't even give a second look. They laugh amidst death and carnage. They are heartless, terrible men who add humour to make their job easier. And I foolishly accepted that, thinking it was witty and funny and going along playing it.

_Oh yes, killing, shooting and blowing things up is bloody fun and dandy! Until someone gets slapped dobbed in the middle of it. This is fucking real! Why does this game have to be so damn violent?_

I cuddled myself, shaking. I couldn't help but feel scared. Last night that Soldier went far enough to try to kill me, and now they'll torture and dump my body in a ditch. All of them.

Morbid thoughts swirled around me as I visualized of more dangerous outcomes to come.

_Oh Nelly, what the hell am I gunna do? What would Sam Tyler do?_

I took several deep breaths. Last night was definitely not a dream, not a hallucination. It all happened, everything, the snatching from my comfortable home, running weakly away and getting tackled from behind-

Instantly, I grabbed the back of my head and gingerly massaged the slight bump formed from the unprovoked attack from a make-pretend man.

"He bloody tried to murder me!" I gasped out load in panic and shock.

Unnervingly as that is, the cheerful, comical world of TF2 that I've adored and treasured has grown twisted and terrifyingly serious.

I was cold. My nose felt runny. I felt like my heart was going to explode. I must be crazy. Perhaps the years of mixing drugs, alcohol and science-fiction/fantasy has finally taken a toll on my brain. I possibly had a mental breakdown, and am sitting in the looney bin, imagineing everything TF2 related.

That maybe, I'm stuck in my own dark world where I could shape things at will and where no one dared to stop me.

Well, I couldn't be huddled in a broom closet, that's for sure.

I couldn't see, I couldn't think straight anymore. That lovely feeling I had when I woke up had dissipated, I'm now only crammed with gloom, fear and shadowy thoughts.

Hunched into a dismal lump of self-despair, I meekly accepted my fate.

_Yes... I have gone completely bonkers._


	6. In the mornin'

_Nothing really important in this chapter. For an "M" rated fic, it's pretty tame. Except for the thrilling performance of doors being opened, the innovative recital of the same repetition of swear words, a momentous graphic depiction of the Battle of Sedan._

_And finally, a remarkable, iconic tribute to Stanley Kubrick**. **_

_I ought to win many awards for my contributions to the writing world of writing._

**

* * *

In the mornin'**

The Medic felt much better.

Who knew that 4 and a half hours of sleep could make one feel so rejuvenated. With a bit of spring in his step, he waltzed on over towards the spare room to check up on Soldier, Engineer and his potential test subject. He spotted the Soldier clasping a large mug of hot coffee, still hunched in the chair barricading the door. The Soldier looked crabby, Medic knew pushing his buttons would end only in conflict; nonetheless, he still gave a cheerful greeting.

"Guttun morgen Herr Zoldier"

"Sleep WEELL I hope?" the Solider glared impolitely, staring straight ahead through his helmet.

The Medic waved off the speech with a chuckle.

"Ya, I did indeed, quite well danke."

He tapped his hands together with a light clap, embellishing in the lack of enthusiasm from the Soldier.

"How iz our new friend?"

"How would I know? I haven't checked yet. But I think he's awake, I can hear him crying in there... wuss..."

"Hmmm... I shall attempt to queztion him! Unt uncover his zecrets. Keys please!"

The Soldier pointed towards the ring of keys, dropped carelessly into the vacant seat that once had Engineer sitting in it. Medic rolled his eyes, frustrated at the sight of sloppy care of Base equipment and seized the keys.

Hesitating at the door for a moment, he waited for Soldier to stalk behind him and hide on the other side of the door. His shovel raised and ready, Soldier was prepared to repeat his act of brute force if their prisoner decided to attack. Medic carefully unjumbled the key from its several twins and slowly unlocked the door. He hesitated one more and held the door ajar; with a thumps up and a nod, the Medic stuck his head inside.

"FFFUUUUCCKK! FUCK OOFFFF! AHHH SHITCUNTFUCKFUCK! AHHhtttTrrrggG!"

The Medic quickly slammed the door shut.

"Peh" Soldier exhaled gruffly, lowering his shovel in disappointment. Maggot didn't even attempt to make an escape. What a waste of a night.

The Medic was frozen, staring pensively into the door, his hand still holding onto the door knob.

"Well?" the Soldier asked again, raising an eyebrow beneath his helmet.

The doctor broke his gaze and turned towards the Soldier with an unpleasant, bemused smirk.

"He iz awake. No zign of zelf-injury. Ze patient iz displaying elevating attacks of panic and anxiety when encountered, even for a brief period."

He spoke quietly; staring now down towards at the floor with one of his gloved hands scratched the back of his neck. He was not directly speaking to the Solider, but memorizing it to himself to write it down later. He turned to the puzzled man next to him, to give a lamer explanation.

"The individual seems... to be still in shoch."

"It's a tactic ploy! Pretend he's gone mad so Amnesty International is contacted!"

The Medic clasped his hands together, frowning in thought.

"Nonetheless, I've never zeen a Spiy behave like this before... Or any BLU for that matter..."

"I know! The kid swears too much... Not professional..."

A cheerful whistling tune cut through the air as they both saw the RED Engineer coming down the hallway. He appeared to be in good spirits, merrily trotting towards the pair, balancing a tray covered up with a long cloth on his gloved hand.

"Mornin' Doc! Get enough sleep I hope?"

Soldier and Medic stood there, watching him take the tray again and set it onto his old chair. The covered tray released a savoury aroma of ham and eggs, the smell enticed the two, both remembering either hadn't had breakfast yet.

Medic gave wry reply,

"Ya, I did... but the prison-"

"Don't worry about that, I got it handled. I'm going to talk to 'im now."

"Niemand hört auf mich hier!" The Medic hissed, throwing his hands up in the air, fuming to be interrupted.

The Soldier was also annoyed in the Engineer's cheerful demeanour. How could he be so calm in this crisis?

He could see when being calm and positive could be constructive for moral, but not when there are BLU spies to be eradicated! Especially ones who invade them during un-scheduled battles! The Soldier shoved his way past the Medic to talk some sense into Engineer.

"He's in no state to be interrogated! Maggots gone completely mad!"

The Soldier took out shovel again.

"Let ME talk to him... I can get him talking in no time"

"No, you scare him. I'm talkin' to 'im."

"I agree with ze Zolider. I'm not doubting your... *ahem*... more sympathetic approach, I however could perform a more... involved examination on ze prisoner-"

"Heh- don't worry 'bout it. Don't want you getting all messy."

He suddenly remembered something; he grabbed the stranger's coat he draped on the back of a spare chair.

"But hey, if you two want to keep yourselves useful, you can look through his coat. Maybe he's got a drivers licence or something other to help us out."

He tossed the coat at them.

The Medic looked displeased while the Soldier gruffly scrunched up the article of clothing. Was the Engineer a good judge of character, Soldier didn't know. What he knew, was that he wouldn't enter a room alone with a Spy without his shutgun.

But alternatively, when one is willing to take authority and be responsible for an unknown stranger, it is better to let him deal with it then be the one blamed for attacking a civilian. Soldier decided to just let Engie deal with it. Besides, he rather eat doughnuts then spend the whole morning with a spy anyway.

"He's not talking, at least without fowl language. You can't get one word in without that filth pouring out his mouth. Problem with his generation..."

The Engineer waved him off and held up whatever he had covered.

"Nonsense! He'll talk! You just need to know how to speak his language."


	7. Jackson explains himself and fails

_The writing gods demand sacrifices or reviews. I can't afford any more prostitutes, so please review._

* * *

**Jackson tries to explain himself yet fails**

The Engineer opened the door, flooding the dark, stale-smelling room with light. With a flick of a light switch next to the door, he spotted the stranger, blinking rapidly, squished in the corner where they left him.

He did look much better, besides the fact he still looked terrified. He sat right there frozen, staring up at him; pale, slightly trembling, his eyes so big they look like they'll pop right out of his head.

Engie felt awkward. But he could get anyone to talk; it was gift of combining simple pleasures and kind words to make anyone, even the most private people, to spill their story.

That system is usually helpful to getting to know teammates; lounging, drinking beer near a comfy campfire after a long day of battling. You don't make polite conversation sitting in a dark room with a potential BLU spy, if this man WAS a spy that is...

Engineer liked to think he knew all Spy tricks and gimmicks; it's what picks out disguised members from the flock and protected his Sentries. He also knew Spies are trained to handle any form of torture and interrogation. Engineer had never really spoken to an enemy Spy, unless you consider his wrench smashing the side of a Spies head open conversation. But this guy didn't look like a Spy. Spies are confident yet passive; this fella was staring up at him as if he had corn pone running out of his ears.

Nonetheless, Engineer smiled broadly, attempting to make the man more comfortable.

Engineer slid the chair from the outside world from behind and placed it behind him. Turning, he shut the door and leaned towards the still man sitting on the floor.

"Howdy! What's your name?"

"..."

Engineer tipped the plate full of food slightly towards the man.

"Hungry?"

The young man stared at the plate presented to him. His face changed from fear, to a mixture of confusion and temptation. He put out his hands with shaking fingers, yet hesitated.

"It's alright, you can have it if you want"

With those words, the man reached forward slowly and gripped the plate, staring at its contents.

Without further persuasion, he eagerly began devouring it.

Engie sat in the chair and watched as the man shoved pieces of scrambled egg into his mouth with his fingers. He waited till the man had a few bites before speaking to him.

"You have a name son?"

The young man, whose attention was fully on his breakfast glanced up;

"J- Jahcsun"

His mouth full of food, he swallowed,

"Jackson"

Engineer was surprised to get a quick response from the once quiet man. He was at least expecting him to be a bit more detached, even rude, but he spat it out with a goofy looking grin across his face.

This was going to be easier then he thought it would be.

The man had an accent, whether it sounded Australian or some other commonwealth country was beyond him. It was alot easier to understand him, even with food in his mouth. A lot easier then the night before, with him screaming and all.

While Jackson was fully preoccupied with his breakfast, Engineer kept up with his questions

"Pleasure. Ya can know me as Engineer, a nickname they call me here."

Jackson ceased on his consuming of the cooked egg. Chewing slowly and thoughtfully, he stayed quiet, his wide eyes nervously avoiding Engineer's own.

"Doo yooouuu... have a real name?" he finally asked nonchalantly.

"Well, that's a mite complicated there. But I'm more interested about you. I mean, you can realize how shocked we where to find ya stumbling around at 3 in the morning. Not knowing who you are, where you'er from or what you want. We're jus' trying to figure out everything, even out things. You understand that?"

Jackson swallowed another mouthful, his facial expression returning back into slight anxiety. He quickly shoved another finger full of food into his mouth.

"So, let's just answer the basic questions first, and then we could figure what-"

"Do you have eyes?" Jackson blurted out, small bits of egg spitting out.

"Course I do. Why wouldn't I?"

"You...you got goggles on..."

If Engineer did have his goggles off, he'd be blinking them dumfounded. But he didn't have them off and he wasn't planning too. Engineer took a breath and continued.

"You don't sound like ya live 'round here? Where'd you come from?"

"Guildford, lovely place, lots of traffic."

"That sounded British, he could simply ask what country he's from, but the man was already starting to show signs of apprehension.

That's pretty far away, you visitin'?" The Engineer guessed.

Jackson stopped eating for a moment and glanced up.

"No...no..."

"Then what brings you all the way here?"

The young man took another mouthful yet feigned from eating, chewing slowly. He squinted and focused on a spot on the floor, pondering an answer. Jackson resembled a child who been caught in a dreadful lie. He gingerly poked at a ham slice with a pinky finger and licked his lips.

"Well... you see...-" Jackson mumbled into silence.

"Whut?

"Was this fried with the eggs?" Jackson asked politely, pointing at the slices of ham.

"….No"

"Oh good, thanks."

His failed attempt to change the subject, Jackson went back to scraping more tiny pieces of egg off the plate, carefully avoiding the fried pork. He ignored the Engineers blankly gawp; he awkwardly looked away towards the door, then back to the man sitting on the floor.

Engineer felt some resistance from the prisoner; so with added tension to his voice, he decided to end the small talk and get some answers.

"How did you get in?"

"Oh. Well, you see, funny thing about that is... it's sort of a funny tale... um, shit happens? And I found myself in a new place..."

Engineer couldn't understand.

"Don't ya know where you are?"

Jackson finished his breakfast; his plate was bare except for the two slices of ham sitting in a small pool of oil. He carefully placed the plate on the ground with a loud clank. He winced when the ceramic object made contact with the floor, as if the sound was going to make Engineer angry. Jackson crossed his legs and put his hands together in his lap.

"I don't recall seeing a map... I saw the desert... in that large warehouse."

"No, I mean, you know what facility- ... do you mean to tell me you don't know where you're situated?"

"I... well...umm...you see, I have a slight idea of where I am, but I'm not very sure..."

Engineer was truly staggered, everyone knew of the RED/BLU dispute. Any dolt off the street could put two and two together. Doesn't he KNOW the RED logos? Did he SEE them planted everywhere? And this guy can't figure out he's in a top secret RED base in the middle of nowhere? Of course, his mercenary work is only considered as a crazy conspiracy theory out in the real world. But there only being two major corporations in the world constantly competing, you'd hear something about the two.

He could understand if the man was too scared to answer, especially after the shovel incident last night. And then being sedated and locked in a closet.

A sudden thought occurred to the Engineer; perhaps the man was mentally impaired?

Or maybe a hermit?

Or a confused young man wandering the desert, looking for answers to his desire-driving way of life?

Whatever the man's life choice was none of his business, but one thing the Engineer knew, was that this man was crazy. And there are two ways to deal with crazy people; Engineer took the humanitarian route.

Engineer empathically softened his voice.

"How about ya start from the very beginning, say whatever you need to say, and we'll go from there."

Jackson licked his lips, staring away from the strong stare of the man sitting in front of him. He attempted to choose his words carefully.

"I don't remember."

Now he doesn't remember, how perfect. Engie hid his annoyance well though.

"Huh... well then, you don't recall how ya got in?"

"I was- I mean I don't remember."

Engineer sighed in slight frustration. Even chatting with Spy wasn't this much of a challenge; at least his cryptic lingo could be deciphered, while this man was just rambling.

"You're not makin' alotta sense Jack. First you say yer not sure where you are, next thing, ya don't remember. I can't get you out if won't tell me the truth."

"I'm sorry, I want to help but everything is a blurry blur."

"Jackson, I wanna help-

"I know you do and I want to help you help me!"

"...Yeah, but you're not giving me any coherent answers. It's hard to believe a man whose just popped up outta the blue and-"

"NO! I'm not a BLU! I'd never do that! I'm not BLU! I always play RED!"

"Excuse me?"

Jackson licked his lips; his worried face grew pale again. His voice raised several pitches as he trashed his arms radically in frustration.

"I don't fucking know! One moment, I'm at home, next thing happening, I'm being fucking torn apart through time and space and flung across all goddamn boundaries of reality-"

Engie threw up his hands to shield himself from the wilily arms.

"Whoa, settle down son! Don't need to get wound up, I'm trying to help."

Jackson froze. His arms fell limp on his lap.

There was an embarrassed silence.

"I don't remember..."

The Engineer's goggles started through the strange man. He tapped his fingers on his knee pads.

_That was... very peculiar... _

"Well, I'm gunna go and talk to the others. You just sit tight and I'll come back soon."

He stood up, taking the plate Jackson left on the floor in between them.

He opened the door, Medic and Soldier were gone, leaving the pack of cards he brought scattered all over the floor. He took the chair in his other hand and slid it out making that wooded skid noise across the wood floor. He looked down at Jackson; he stayed on his spot, his huge eyes staring up him in fear.

"Do you smoke?"

"I don't remember"

"Whut?"

"Yes! Yes I do sir."

"I'll get you a carton then. Under one condition though; you'll promise you'll stop cursin' so much?"

Jackson relaxed a bit and released a small, nervous smile.

"I promise."


	8. What happened last night

_Finally, the other team members make an appearance. I should think of better chapter titles..._

_Please forgive the awful accents... I try..._

* * *

**The Team questions the Engineer**

"So there is a GIRL is the da base?" Scout quipped hopefully.

Soldier stood straight in the middle of the room. His inert gaze noted the Scout's question.

"No. Some wussy hippie apparently just **strolled in** the dead of the nigh-"

"But you said 'Girl'. We all heard ya!"

Soldier tried again, "I said, that our Engineer mistaken he was-"

"Whas Engie has anything to do with it?"

The Soldier straight posture fell in to an annoyed hunch as he stopped to glare at the young man.

"Shut it and listen to his story then!" snapped the Demoman, lounging on one of the sofas scattered around the common area. Soldier straightened up again.

"Good, now as I was saying-"

"Are you sure there isn't a girl?"

"He's a Hippy. A lowly hippy hired by BLU! Or one of those peace-enthused organizations to infiltrate our base and take us down."

"That would imply he's some type a killing professional." Sniper was sitting in a red armchair next to a giant potted plant. He leaned forward.

"Now, if I know anything 'bout hit jobs, which I do have intensive knowledge of, everything that twit did was very defectively bad. I mean, I can think of least 50 ways to kill the whole lot without even setting foot in the goddamn bloody buildin'!"

"I can agree with you on two things; that you're a wack-job and that the hippy is failed his mission miserably."

Sniper scowled from his seat, He crossed his arms.

"Where's Engin'er?"

"Our Engineer is in process of interrogating the outsider."

Scout looked shocked. He sat in a wicker chair located in front of Demoman's sofa.

"You didn' ask us?"

"You left him alone with him? Was the Engineer think he can do? Give em' a drink and talk aboot th' weather?" muttered Demoman from under his arm he had draped across his face.

"Affirmative. Although I have no confidence that he will receive any satisfactory answers, he deems himself the one to get the job done. And I stand firmly behind any of the assertion of fellow troops-"

"You just wanted to stuff your face with sugar!" The Medic growled, not looking up from a magazine he was reading. He sat at the only table in the room. Next to him, Heavy Weapons Guy sat pensively. Pyro sat quietly at the other end, the very end the Soldier was approaching.

"You let him go too! If you really wanted to question the prisoner, you should have gone and done it instead!"

"I would have... Wenn ich war nicht so ungeeigne."

Demoman removed his arm and replaced his his palms on his eyes muttering about 'everyone, arses and crowscrews'. At that moment, Engie strolled in. He wasn't whistling nor was he smiling.

Demoman opened his one eye and noticed.

"ENGINEER! Thank sister of st. abbey! Would you tell us what the hell is going on! Soldier say's there's a prisoner and that you said he was a lass-"

"It's the cameras..." muttered the Engineer; he scanned the sea of chairs and other sitting devices for Medic. He spotted him.

"Medic, why didn't you-"

"Ich Sie nicht verstehen. Ich habe Kopfschmerzen." Medic responded stubbornly, still engrossed in his reading. Heavy raised an eyebrow.

Engineer sighed and waved everyone who was standing to take a seat.

"Okay, let's settle down. I'm sure you wanna know what happened."

"Damn right we do. We just wan' to settle this so we could finish Gilligan." Sniper acknowledged bitterly.

Several murmurs of agreement followed. Engie assumed that Soldier and Medic didn't make anything clear for the rest of the team, so he began his tale.

"Anyhoo, last night, while you were all sleeping, someone was discovered-"

"Was it a-"

"No, a fella. So, Solly found 'im wondering around the loading dock after he heard the alarm-"

"I was completing my nightly rounds. I merely acted swiftly when the alarm blared."

"Yeah, I heard that all the way from my van."

"Yeah, god damn that frickin' bell is loud! I thought you were gunna get rid of it."

"Da!"

"I kno'!"

More responses followed until Engineer intervened.

"It was just doing its job. And besides, there really was someone creeping around. So, while all of you were sleeping, **not getting up to help**, I got up to turn it off. I saw Soldier on the video tackling on what LOOKED like-" he put his hands up for emphasis

"I didn't know the details; I just THOUGHT he was a she. I ran in, pulled 'im off, Solly hit him with his shovel, we went to Medic."

He paused to allow Medic to add anything to the story, but he didn't. Engie continued,

"Doc patched him up, we stuck 'im in one of the closets and I waited till morning to talk to him."

"Iz he a BLU?" asked Heavy

"Nah, just someone who wandered in. The boys jumpier then a doe caught in a leg-trap. An' a mouth dirtier than an outhouse toilet seat. Real hard to get any frank answers from him too."

"Shoot him back to Canada I say! He's toying with us like a madman's plaything!" Soldier proclaimed.

"Real problem is I can't understand waht he's talkin' bout most the time. But know for a fact he doesn't work for BLU. He even seems more confused than we are, but... I can't help but think he knows more then he claims. But mad? Yah, he's gone completely up creek."

"Insanity is the finest trait you can ask for in an emissary. Isn't that right Spy?"

Spy was sitting in a rocking chair, wrenched in the dark corner. He rocked ominously back and forth slowly, exhaling clouds of smoke in the shadows. Using the vacant television as a stand to put his ashtray, he leaned forward slightly, his calm glaze pinpointed on the Soldier.

"I'm a Spy. What's your excuse?"

"He's not a Spah." Engie said flatly.

Spy leaned back into his chair to cross his legs.

"Oh, and I zuppose you're the distinguished master of knowledge about spies. Tell me, what makes you think he's not a spy?"

"Cause he ate all the food I gave him. Well, all but the ham...but that's beside the point; no Spah, even the brainless ones, would eat enemy food. It's not practical!"

"Ze Scout would eat it."

"Hey!"

"Bloody Spies..."

"Which iz my point ezactly... He doesn't have to be a Spy to work for BLU."

Engineer sighed in frustration, "He isn't a Spy. He doesn't act nor does he look like a BLU... but then again, none of what he said could deny it either."

Scout chuckled darkly. "I could get him to yap. Me and battie can get him cracked in no time at all."

"He's already cracked. He acts like I'm gunna rip 'im through an organic shredder he's so scared. It's real difficult to get one answer out of him."

Engineer braced himself on a chair, staring into the adjacent wall across the room scratching the back of his neck.

"This whole thing is just damn mind boggling."

"Did you figure how he got past our defences? Like the zewers?" Spy asked, slightly pacing the room.

"Nah, the sewers only open during battles ever since those rainstorms last fall. Remember? All that water?"

"Oh yeah, that totally did a numba on the basement."

"Did we ever get that appraised?

"I think that stuffy fat guy in that Fordillac did...

"Za prizoner! Za prizoner!" Medic hissed, still pretending not to be involved.

"Yeah Doc. There is no way he could have just got in here... Everything is locked up."

The Solider raised his hand in triumph.

"All but the Entry bay door!"

"Hey, that was open wasn't it? Well, that solves that."

"Didja check his feet?"

"Wha was that?"

Sniper continued "The entire perimeter is surrounded by electrical fences. Unless he didn't dug for several hours under the fence, or leaped 9 feet above it, he would still have to walk 3 hours from the road to get here. Now, Soldier you were tellin' us that he's a hippy 'cause he wasnin wearing any shoes. Anyone walking that far without proper foot attire would get real bloody bad bruises."

Soldier scowled and sat back down

"Huh, his feet looked fine... in fact, he doesn't look dirty at all... but his hair..."

"Not unless he has some sort of portable teleportation device." Droned Spy.

"Couldn't we just shoot him in the noggin and be done with it." The Scout groaned loudly as he fell against his chair with a heave.

Engineer scoffed

"I'd done that by now if he was a BLU, I just don't know for sure is all. I don't want to kill a civilian and have HQ ticked off by all the questioning. Might hinder my workgraft."

"Hey Heavy, tell 'em bout that doodad you showed me."

"Silence scout!" Heavy hissed menacly.

All eyes were on Heavy.

"What? What didja find?"

Heavy stared ahead and sulked back stubbornly. He had something hiding behind his back.

"I found nothing."

"Heavy! Your confidentiality is restricting our ability to finishing this mystery! I order you, as the only Soldier in the room, to hand over whatever you have hiding behind your back!"

Heavy waited a minute grumbled and extended his muscular arm where he showed out a pillow case. He removed a black, square object from it and tossed it gently on the table.

"I found funny book."

Engie picked it up carefully, with Soldier and Scout peering at it at his shoulder. Demoman, Pyro and Sniper craned their necks to observe from their spots with Spy walking gracefully towards the table. Even Medic expressed interest by standing up to have a better look at the foreign object.

"Well dang, that isn't a book! That's something from the Twilight Zone"

Engineer opened it up like it was a book; it had a strange black soft glass like window on one side, with the other side, numbers, letters and other odd symbols each on an individual button on the other. The screen had giant fingerprint smudges and the odd buttons had pieces of bread and chocolate stuck in-between them. There was a label on the bottom, covered in spots of purple, most probably that disgusting soda Scout likes.

"Spah, come an' look at this won't you?"

Spy approached; with gentle fingers, he peered at the device, flipping it around, looking for secret compartments, softly grazing the buttons, even pressing a few. He seemed rather disappointed that they didn't do anything.

Finally he gave his evaluation

"It iz not spy technology I know of. 'Eavy, where did you find zhis?"

"You said you culd keep secret." Heavy growled at Scout

"'Eavy, where did you find zhis?"

Heavy turned his head slightly towards the Spy, his annoyed expression unchanged.

"I found id near Respawn after bloody battle few days ago."

Spy continued to examine it, testing the strange push-able keys again.

"I'm ztarting to think this device has something to do with our guest-"

"Prizoner"

"-it is my guess that this man is conning us all. I agree with our ingénieur that 'e is not a hand from BLU, but either working under an unknown superior, or his own agend-"

"That's a crock of bull; there is no one but BLU." Spat Sniper.

Engineer looked towards the corner where Sniper was sitting contently. He glanced up and noticed the ominous camera planted on the ceiling, watching their every move.

A huge grin grew on his face.

"The tapes! Why didn't I think of that! The cameras record everything!"

Without instructions to the others of his venture, he bolted out the room. Soldier stood up straight and extended his finger into the air

"Everyone! Flock to the Security room post haste!"

The only one who followed was Scout. The room grew quiet and still. Spy gave a glare at Sniper before returning to his spot in the corner. Sniper scoffed at the gesture and stood. He put his hands in his pockets and casually walked towards the television to sit next to the Demoman, who was now sitting crossed legged on one side of the love seat, rubbing his temples. Sniper collapsed next to him.

"You've been quiet. You've been actin' odd since last battle. What's up?"

"It' me guts. Sumthin' twisting, burrowing in like a snake..." Demoman muttered into his hands again.

Sniper broke into a grin

"Ah, then you're back to your ole self then?"

"Nye, not like that... I feel somethin's bad gunna hap'en. Feel in me blood..."

Sniper gave the Scot a heart clap on the shoulder, put his feel up on Scouts chair and took the remote.

"Cheer up mate. This whole thing will blow over and we'll all go back the way things were."

Demoman ignored him and leaned back to watch Gilligan.

Meanwhile

With the 3 scattered around one of the security reviewing screens, Engie hurriedly scanned through the archives.

"Shouldn't be far... jus happened couple hours ago- aha!"

He pulled out a massive VCR tape and slid it into the reviewing screen. He sat into the wheelie-chair and pushed the Play button. Soldier and Scout joined him at the re-viewing screen.

"Allrighty, let's look for him."

He pressed the rewind button as every screen, showing all the cameras on base wound up. They skimmed through every video screen, looking for the strange man.

"There he iz." A voice stated behind the trio.

Soldier, Scout and Engie yelped in surprise as their Spy shoved his way in-between them. Before any of them could say anything, he took a drag of his cigarette and rolled his eyes.

"I know, I know. You hate when I do zhat. I know zhat's why you love me."

"Shut it Frenchie. Where is he?"

Spy pointed his cigarette towards the screen. The fuzzy black and white screen showed a backwards rendition of the previous night's events; specifically the part when they were putting Jackson in the closet.

"Zhat's him then?" Spy scoffed. He took another drag. "He iz no Spy."

There they where, the Solder and Engineer and Medic carrying a passed out form of a lanky, man from the storage closet to the Infirm.

Scout chuckled at the comical fast, backwards characters being showed on the screen. They watched as the trio walked backwards into the Medics domain. Soldier tried to shove his way past Engineer to get at the controls.

"Skip all of that, let's find when he sneaks in."

Scout elbowed his arm in to also progress control, "Naw, I wanna see ya clobber him."

Soldier approved of this, and with annoyed resistance from Engineer, allowed Scout to watch as Soldier slammed their captive with the shovel over and over.

"Heh, look. Blood, no blood! Blood goes back in! Blood gushes out!"

"That's enough. We don't have to see it over and over." Engineer spat

Regaining his spot at the control panel, he rewound it a bit further. Until Soldier and Engineer disappeared and Jackson was all that remained as he made his way out of the entry bay. They followed him as he limped hastily screen to screen, as his trail arrived closer and closer to Respawn.

"Good, now we can uncover how he got in."

To their complete surprise, Jackson, instead of moving past the Respawn doors, and towards 3 of the available doors surrounding him, he stumbled and sat down on the ground before laying down into a foetal position. The picture got dark as the alarm was now off. Jackson continued laying there.

"He was inside, BEFORE the alarm went off." Soldier proclaimed thoughtfully.

They saw grainy teleportation dust fade in and fall up around the shambled form of the stranger. All the sudden the camera seemed to shake and bound as a white light filled the entire screen, the camera shook more violently and fuzzed out for several seconds... Then fuzzed back to life, showing the empty room.

Engineer rewound the tape, played the tape in normal speed, rewinding it at certain points. The 4 witnessed as Jackson, over and over was thrown like a ragdoll from the blanket of light and teleporter dust. Engie tapped the sides of the screen trying to see through the white light that constricted the view.

"What in A.P's Hill was THAT?"

"It looks...appears like he was copiously teleported..."

The four of them all glanced back at the reviewing screen, then back to each other. They watched the clip over and over again. Scout leaped up and waved his hands around.

"Whoawhoawhoa! I got it! This guy, he's an alien!"

"What?" Engie said annoyed, he put a gloved hand on his hip.

"Think aboat it; that book thing, his clothes are crazy! He was teleported, he must from anotha planet!"

"That's nonsense."

"Hell, it sure looks that way. That black box thing is proof enough."

"That does make more sense" Soldier pondering thoughtfully. Spy simply scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"He's notta alien Scout." Engineer snapped, "He's from the future."

"Oh, then what is- WHAT?"

Spy even acknowledged this remark as he stared with wide eyes. Scout and Soldier followed suit by staring blankly at the Engineer. Engineer attempted to prove his claim.

"Look"

He showed the bottom of the strange device, pointing to some of the fine writing on a sticker, somewhat covered in purple cola.

"Made in Japan... Copyright 2009. I think this speaks for its self."

Spy, forgotten his cigarette between his lips and continued to stare in mild surprise, Scout looked even more excited as Soldier once shocked face grew back into a scowl.

"The more reason NOT to trust the hippie, he'll try to spread his future lingo and mannerisms on us."

A sudden thought occurred to him, panic rose in his voice.

"My god, what if EVERYONE is like him the future! We have to do something! We need to prevent this!"

"Don't blow a gasket, he might be part of the army." Joked Scout

"If Soldiers in the future are like him, I'm going to shoot myself behind the tool shed." Grumbled Soldier, pushing his helmet forward, "His generation doesn't deserve what we're doing here."

"Vell, that still dozen't explain how he got here."

"I think I know. I'll explain later, let's go tell the others" Engie nodded, removing the tape from the VCR slot.

"Move out!"

Scout ran ahead, running out right away to tell the others the exciting news. He burst into the living room area like a bat out of hell, expecting everyone to stop what they're doing to talk to him. Heavy, Pyro and Medic didn't move from their spots at the table, although Pyro moved his seat so he could still watch Gillian and put his boots up on the table. Sniper and Demoman relaxed in front of the television. Sniper didn't look at Scout as he rushed in.

"Well?"

"That guy's from the future? Canna believe it?"

"No." Demoman and the Sniper both said at the same time, still staring at the television. They began to register what Scout said and turned their heads at him.

" You joking?"

Enigneer and Soldier walked in

"No, tell em' guys! That guy was teleported through time to get here!"

"Truckie, wut's-"

"Yes, he was teleported somehow here. And with evidence given by this thing, he's probably from the future. Let's not question how he got here, let's talk about how to deal with him."

Spy appeared out of nowhere and seized the device from Engineer's gloved hand.

"Non, I believe we should discover how he came here to prevent other arrivals, don't you agree? The REAL question iz, how did a RED teleportal unit, designed and built by our own Engineer, somehow drop a standard, yet ugly civilian into our territory?"

Silence.

Spy couldn't help but sneer.

"Isn't it obvious? It appears that our dear Engineer has been fiddling with the Respawn again."

Silence turned into shouting, shouting at the Engineer.

"What're you THINKING?"

"You put our entire troop in peril!"

"Remember what happened last time?"

"You're not as smart as you think!"

Engineer put up his hands in defence

"Will ya'll let me explain then?"

The shouting stopped, but then started up again.

"He admits it!"

"You ztupid, ztupid man!"

"Arugh!"

Engineer rose over the crowd.

"All right, thank you, settle down. Now just a second, I think ...well... I know how it all happened."

He waited till everyone, grumbled and sat back into a seat. Engineer took a breath and continued;

"All I wanted to do was to build a teleport in the main Respawn. Ya see, I have a tiny problem with spahs always destroying my teleports. So I thought, if I could at least build an entrance in the main respawn, it would get ya'll to the front lines and no Spahs could get at them. Problem was, for some reason, Respawn room doesn't allow any of mah machinery to work. At first I thought it was actually the respawn mechanisms that prevented the teleport not to go, but after a couple of test runs, I noticed it was the ground. The floor of the respwan emits some sorta electrical current that disrupts the gesticulation of any outsourced machinery. It's sorta like the spahs sapper. So, I simply thought, if I built a raised, auto-aluminum platform, or a rubber base or-"

He noticed the blank stares.

"Well, long story short, I built one. It worked at first, but then after a couple of hours of test runs, it disappeared. Just like that."

The team's expression varied from complete annoyance and anger from to confusion and fear.

"What happened to it?"

Engineer shrugged.

"I dunno"

"C'mon! You're supposed to be the smart one! You have no clue what happened?"

"Well, I check out the Respawn mechs, nothing was wrong with it, none of you lost any limbs or organs. So I thought 'Meh, everything is fine.' Either the Respawn destroyed the tele or one of you did it in."

Soldier stood up slowly.

"I don't know what is worse. The matter that a member of our own team actively **TRIED** to sabotage our means of survival, or the fact that he knew something might be wrong **WHILE** we were still using it!"

"Well, I didn't want ya'll yellin' and gettin' worked up at me for something that's probably not serious!

"Serious? We could have **DIED**!"

"That is barmy, even for you mate. It's fortunate it didn't teleport any of US away...Yeah, how did that happen anyway?"

"I dunno, must have divided by zero... I don't understand how it would randomly take someone from a random location and date, and plop it conveniently here!"

"He iz lucky he didn't surface into a vall, or ze floor." Medic inquired thoughtfully.

"That'd be fricking cool! But damn nasty."

Stillness fell upon all of him, as they reflected on the optional danger they were all in. Scout spoke up again.

"So, what do we do now? Should we call Headquarters or somethin'?"

Spy stood up again and placed his hands behind his back.

"I believe the right course of action, for the time being of course, to allow him to be kept secret. He could be a valuable source of intelligence."

"Yeah, the piker might be useful against BLU"

"Let the maggot ROT"

"No! No, we're not gunna use him! We should find a way to get him back! It's mah fault this happened, least I can do is try to reserve it sumhow."

"Ve should not let you vork vith Respawn again."

"Now hold on, you believe it's a good idea to just let him walk around?"

"Well, no, I thought we could take turns watching him. He could act as Civilian."

"Hey, what? We're going to haveta babysit him?

"Aye, we're not bein' paid to watch 'im." muttered Demoman

"Lettle man should not be much trouble."

"I don't want that sissy hippie in the same vicinity of me or anyone! And that goes to you too Engineer."

"Well, what will we do then? He's done nothin' wrong."

"I'd call **invasion** a very good cause."

"He didn't-" Engineer ran his palm down his face in annoyance. He turned his face to the Medic, he was still on the same page he was 10 minutes ago.

"Wadda think Doc?"

"I zhink I want to hook his brain up to un electrode zanner. But that's 'too unzanitary'" he put his first two fingers in quotation.

"Well yeah, if ya do it on the kitchen table that is." Sniggered Scout.

"Meine Fähigkeiten ist in diesem team verschwendet..." he muttered, burrowing his face back into the cover.

"But I can get 'em back. I know I can! I could use this mechanism! All I need is a few days." Engie persisted. He paused to take out the strange machine left on the table and held it out.

"When's the next rumble? Thursday?"

He looked at his team for confirmation

"Two days all I need. If I could just find the teleporter, I could easily backtrack to see what data brought 'im here and reverse it. He'd be long gone before Badwater."

"You sure about that Engie?"

"Positive, and if it takes more time, he'll be an official Civilian at Badwater."

"Engie, there's a reason why we don't HAVE Civilians anymore."

"I know, he'll be a Civilian, just BLU won't know about him. Badwater is easy to defend, as long as he stays out of the way and out of trouble, we'll still get victory."

Soldier stubbornly crossed his arms across his chest

"He'd find something to ruin our winning streak."

"We take vote." Heavy stated.

"Yeah, let's get this ovar with."

"Almighty, whoever thinks we should let em' go, raise your hands."

No one did.

"Alrighty" he said

"Now, whoever thinks we oughta let em' stay while I fix a way back home, raise your hand."

Engineer raised his hand. Scout immediately shot his arm up and gave a wide, hopeful smile to the others. Spy half-hardily raised his hand up and let it fall to take another drag. With slight hesitation Medic too joined the group, before also taking it away and falling against his seat. Heavy raised an eyebrow at the visibly sulky Medic.

"Why Doktor?"

"That's for me to know. You aren't raising your hand. Why?"

"I donnot know the stranger man. I don't care."

"Gud answer"

Engineer dropped his hand, "Okay, that's 4 so far, Sniper?"

Sniper didn't look up as he lit up a cigarette and mumbled through his lips.

"Leave me out of this; I don't care what you do."

Sitting at the end of the table, which almost everyone was either standing near, or leaning their chairs against the wall, was the Pyro with his arm straight up in the air.

"PYRO! What- THAT IS NOT GOOD FORM SON!" shouted the Soldier, waving his arms about.

Pyro lowered his hand and replied with a low unrecognizable sling of words. He crossed his arms and slumped in his seat. Whatever he said, they will never know.

"I'd ask you Demo, but it'll be no point." Engie said with a slight grin.

"Eh? Doesn't matter. As long as the lad doesn't get himself blown up by one of my idle bombs-"

"Zhat would be a miracle." The Spy snorted.

"I WILL NOT TOLERATE MY OWN TEAM VOTING TO HELP A DEFENSELESS HIPPIE!"

"Majority rules pal."

"Majority not! The Mongols never kept their prisoners alive."

Sniper suppressed a cough, "Keep ya voice down, he ain't gunna do anything. We're all professionals 'ere. We can 'andle one snot can't we?"

"We're not prepared to keep prisoners! Where would we keep him? Set up a guest room? Go out to buy matching curtains? Throw an Aussie teaparty afterwards?"

"Ey, that's uncalled for."

"He'll stay in his damn closet Soldier."

"And what if anything you do doesn't work? We'd be stuck with the maggot-hippie."

"Then we let him start a new life in the 20th century or shoot his kneecaps in! I dunno! I mightas well give it a shot. If I unexpectedly brought someone here through time, I'm sure I could do it again."

He grinned at his team. Medic put down his magazine and stood. Smoothing his coat, he stood straight-backed and adjusted his suspenders. With a

"You did not bring him here, it vas your stupidity zat and incompetence. Not only are we fixed vith the useless man, but have to care for his every whim."

Engie put his hands on his waist and gave him an annoyed look.

"If he's such a pain in the ass, why did you vote for him to stay huh?"

"Like I told Heavy, for my own reazons." Medic hissed, "Reazons that are none of your concern."

"Oooohoo, got some mad science crap you wanna try Doc?"

Medic sat back down muttering "Dummkopf"

"I vill rip man's arms off if he threatens teem." Declared Heavy in a low rumble, squeezing his giant fists on the table.

"How can you say that? Ya haven't even met him yet. Hey damn, ya'll want to meet 'im? That'd do some good, some new surroundings could knock some sense into him."


	9. Jackson goes to meet the Team

_I hate writing the Engineers dialogue. _

* * *

**Jackson meets the Team**

I was still hunched in my corner of the now known storage closet I was being kept in. I trembled as I hugged my legs with excitement. I wasn't only in amidst of a video game; I don't have to go in to work today! This is going to be the best vacation ever. Alas, I was locked in a closet, being bored as hell, hungry and in need of a latrine. I amused myself by picking at my fingernails and imaging how the other TF2 teammates lived and behaved. I tried to sleep, a luxury I'd depleted if I was at home right now. Sleeping on a hard wood floor is getting more uncomfortable by the second but I surely thought I'd get used to it by now. I wanted to lay on my futon at home- hell, give me our wrecked sofa bed we have back at home, I'd sleep in it now. Even if I had a bed or a blanket or a chair, I doubt I'd sleep soundly without an aid. The thought of being in the vicinity of ruthless killer, cartoon characters is enough nightmare fuel for one man. Still, A part of me still believed I was in a expanded dream; but I couldn't be, I've had food, time is in essence for I'm sure I've been here for hours and I had to use a washroom. Dreams don't involve those things... although; I didn't smell as bad I should be...

I've tried every substance under the sun; I knew it wouldn't be long before I'd go barmy after my brain has been fried numerous times by my own hand. Speaking of which, these thoughts reminded me how much I wanted to smoke...I didn't want to, I need to.

I want it, I crave it.

I want to make the biggest joint ever constructed by man and smoke it till my lungs burn out. I wanted to lay down with this massive joint, and relax as my mouth transforms to charcoal. I bet that'd hurt, but damn, would I feel better. It would make my odd situation seem bearable...the simple thought of imaging it caused my heart to flutter. But at the same time made me want to curl up and cry myself into a hopefully dreamless slumber. I remember when my dad was in the hospital, I had never smoked anything in that 3 hour period then I ever had in a week. While mum and Kate were crying their eyes out, I sat there just as terrified as they were...just too buzzed to act on it. If I was to think clearly on this, I would need to smoke an entire pack of cigs and at least-

I sighed half-heartedly. My destructive lifestyle was taking a toll on me, but nonetheless, I was determined to set things straight when one of them comes to see me. I'd tell them a made-up sob story, one I've just created, ask for a telephone and become a homeless man on a city street somewhere.

Or, I could convince them to let me stay for a few days... perhaps... observe one of their battles... maybe even join them.

I could picture myself leaping rooftop to rooftop with a Huntsman and a bowie knife strapped to my chest, humming the 'Mission; Impossible' theme as I majestically ninja jump across boundaries. I could see myself rocket jumping into the fiery abbess of fire and bullets and laugh like a madman as I mow them all down like a knife through soft butter. Standing tall and brave next to the mighty Heavy, sporting only a Grenade launcher and my wiles, blowing up sentries to bits. I'd get drunk on pure Scrumpy, Bonk! and adrenaline while somersaulting across the bridge waving the intelligence at the baffled BLU team.

And at the end of the day, I could really imagine, everyone beaming, patting me on the back, telling me how great a RED teammate I am, and drinking and playing poker into the wee hours of the morning.

Hell, Soldier might even let me try out his Rocket launcher. Hence the rocket jumping into fiery pits of fire... I squeed in delight. I hope they do let me join in on one of their matches.

I shivered, it was cold once again. I wanted my coat surrounding me like a blanket as the disgusting feeling of goose bumps rose from my skin

I tucked my hands under my armpits. I wouldn't be like this if I was wearing normal clothes then my thin pyjamas. But then of course, I didn't plan on being shanghaied by the Supreme Being and dropped in a video game either.

I imagined of all the unused jumpers and other warm articles I should had been wearing lying at home; I thought how much I wanted one and how I will ever get home.

Perhaps they would develop a way back? I mean, Sniper is Australian; maybe he has some type of Australian mystic magic just for this sort of thing. Maybe this sort of thing happens all the time; someone pops into a game like a glitch and this is a simple precaution.

But if movies and television ever taught me anything, the person away from home usually ends up running for his life and imprisoned- oh wait. I feel like E.T. just without the cute little kids and candy. All I have to do now is wait for Medic to walk in to prepare me for vivisection.

I took a deep breath and massaged my weary eyes. Scary, nightmare fuel thoughts were returning. I forced them out of my head, the TF2 is too light-hearted to do that... then again, I haven't seen "Meet the Medic" video either.

I grumbled into my hand and lay down for the hundredth time trying to feel comfort. I narrowed my eyes at the cracks lined in the crevices on the ceiling. The light switch gave the room a different air since Engineer left it on for me. It wasn't like a warm, dark room like I was used too; it felt more like a dungeon now. I shuddered.

How could I explain anything to them?

Well, for sure, I'm going to mention anything about video games. I'm not going to mention anything of my knowledge of this place at all. Not with the chance I might get them suspicious. And with suspicion, comes paranoia, and from that, I get me head with bullet in it.

The Engineer could be a good ally, simply because he gave me food and tried to get through to me in kindness and smokes. Although it's that odd little look he gave me after my tiny outburst. I must have sounded like a ravaging lunatic, waving my arms around like that...

_I'm at home being ripped through time and space thrown in crossing of time and reality and space- bother I don't even remember what I bloody said. I must have screamed it out, my throat was dry. _

I still remember his face as if it was burned into my mind. It was a concerned, alarmed look, as if he was looking for another reason to put me out of my misery. Like an old mule...

_Oh blimey...Aw fuck me...well, there you did it, one chance to explain yourself to your only friend here and you bugger it up by screaming Douglas Adams quotes at him... I wonder if he will bring me cigarettes... _

Does the man ever take off his goggles? I know it's his look but still, how can he see? What about his helmet... is there anything under there? Do I want to know?

I have to be careful of what I say and do. I'm not home and I'm not in the real world. I am in a twisted war; a place goes beyond any fissure of comprehension and normal perception.

_Remember, don't ask, don't tell. Just go along with everything like its normal. You're normal._

Yes, normal. Don't ask to take off goggles or helmets or gloves, they might not be anything there. Maybe Engineer will explain that it's an odd birth defect and that the others have it too. Oh, the others...

The others, I don't have any similarities in any of them. Majour one being that I don't kill for a living... another is that I'm not a video game character... Perhaps the Demoman, he drinks, and I drink. We'd get along famously as long as I don't mention the BLU soldier. Has that story happened yet? What part of the game am I in? What year is it?

Remind myself; don't get any of them mad. Loose cannons all of them. They'd kill a man like me and not bat an eye to what they done.

A strange vision came to mind; I wonder if any of them ever seen a grown man cry?

I shivered repulsively. I knew the Engineer will tell them about my lack of clear thought and the Soldier or any other of them will walk through that door to brutally interrogate me. I have to lie and pretend not to know anything. Maybe they'll let me go and I could institute myself into a mental hospital.

All I can do is wait.

I could hear activity increasing outside, like walking and chairs being moved. The door opened again, the friendly face of the Engineer appeared. I almost melted in relief.

"How ya doing Jackson?"

I recovered.

"Oh, a little apprehensive. I hope I can get out of this room, maybe move into a chair or something." I asked hopefully.

Engineer left the door open all the way and moved slightly to the side to show the area behind him.

"How about ya stretch your legs a bit? You've been in here for a while now."

_YES!_

"Oh, god yes, you can't imagine how I miss proper leg movement."

I got up painfully, extending my sore legs and straightening my back. With a reliving crack of my spine and stretching my arms, I suddenly notice how sort the Engineer was. He was at least a head shorter than me, but what he lacks in height, he makes up in stockiness. He reminded me of old school mates from the wrestling team who used to stand behind the candy store playing cards instead of going to class.

Engineer led me from my makeshift prison out into the much brighter hallway.

"Ya, I'm sure you'd wanna see something else then a dafty room too. Meybe get some food in ya-"

He put his gloved hand on my shoulder, helping me along as we walked. I suspected he just wanted a lead on me in case I decide to make a break for it. Heh, good luck with that, he'd probably shoot my guts out if I tried a feat like that.

Hell, never mind his caramel-kind voice, charming smile and adorable dwarf-like bearing, the man could easily snap my arm off if I provoked him.

He kept talking. I half listened to him as we walked down one of the long corridors. I've never seen this part of the base before in the game so my attention was fully connected to the area around me. I felt the hard wood among dirt and splinters under my bare feet causing me to watch where I stepped. I stretched my neck around to look at every detail of the living quarters of RED base. I still haven't fathomed how incredibly massive this place was. I haven't even fathomed that I am in the damn RED base! I am in the RED base! At this very moment, I was walking down what was once only accessible through a virtual, interactive game play on a computer. But now, I'm strolling gleefully down a hallway in _THE_ RED base with _THE _Engineer! The Engineer who earlier made me eggs and toast! This simply added to my excitement.

I needed to fully explore this place; the maps in the game are vast with places unreachable and sealed off. Imagine the possibilities and discoveries I could make!

Do they really live here? It's called Team FORTRESS; shouldn't they all live in the fortress? I knew that RED Demoman lived in a mansion in the desert and BLU Soldier lived in some apartment somewhere, but do the others live here in the base? Do the comics count with the game?

Sniper has his van- oh! Means of escape if needed! If I have to make a run for it, I'll just crosswire the Snipers van and drive my way to freedom! But not now, I'm not going anywhere.

I wanted to squee happily again, but forced myself not too, to ensure I didn't further my host's doubts of my sanity.

Engineer was quiet. I glanced over at him; he looked at me as if he asked me a question and was awaiting a reply. I felt embarrassed.

"Hmm? Oh, sorry, I just- this place! It's so...so... impressive."

Impressive was a word insignificant compared to how I really felt. If he only he knew who he really was...

Engineer didn't look angry; he kept his understanding, friendly smile and waved his gloved hand to the air.

"Heh, maybe one of us could show you 'round, but first, I gotta to introduce ya to the others."

I froze. I suddenly remembered the plight I'm in. Not only was I stuck in a scary, unfamiliar nightmare world, I was in a crazy, violent world full of mercenaries! I shouldn't be fraternizing with them! I should be getting the HELL out of here! What if they want to kill me?

I raised my shoulders and wrung my hands together nervously.

"I- I don't know if I want to meet the team."

"Why not? You haven't done anything. Just try not to mention a lot about lasst night. That fella with the red army coat-"

"The Soldier? Oh god I won't. I don't want him any reason to blast me into a billion pieces."

The Engineer paused. He had a confused look on his face, like a How-did-you-know-that type with a hint of smug. It was suspicious and distrusting... and it was downright frightening me.

I tried to correct myself

"I mean, I heard you...uh, talk about that night."

"Oh right... Just this way."

He fell for it! That was close. I have to make sure not to make another blunder like that again.

We walked a bit in silence. My gaze was focused on one of the passing safety posters stapled to a door. Engineer broke the hush again.

"So Jackson, you haven't told me much about where you come from."

"Oh, it's nothing special." I muttered, quickly staring at another safety propaganda poster sheet.

"That's what everyone says about their hometown."

I thought immediately of Bee Cave. It was a good thing I didn't say it out loud, Engineer would be VERY suspicious if he knew where he lived. If only I wasn't an idiot... then I could keep a secret better.

I suddenly noticed we passed by the same broom closet for the second time. Where was he taking me? I noticed an exact replica of a giant plastic plant. Oh my god, we're walking in circles! He's stalling us from meeting the others. In some way, that comforted me, but in another...somewhere in the twisted workings of my dead brain, I was thinking that he was going to kill me if I didn't answer his questions right.

Think you fool! Think of something!

"Well, it has a cathedral. And me and my chums like to climb on the tattoo place roof to throw fire crackers at teenagers."

I looked at him hopefully.

"Jackson, what yeer were you born?"

Oh fuck. Math.

_Quick! What year is it? Or wasit? 1960? 1965? What's 1965 takeaway 24?_

Engineer noticed my panic. He crossed his arms, smiled and waited. I stood there. I felt more like an idiot then I did 2 minutes ago. That did it, I gave up, forget pretending to be normal... I'm done...

I sighed, "1986."

I expected Engineer to screw up his face in anger. I expected him to shove me to the ground and say something among the lines of

"Ya playin' bowyh? Bend ovar! Em gunna whip yer hide 3 days frown church dayh!"

Instead, to my complete, utter surprise, he started to chuckle.

I felt sick in my gut, I didn't know whether to double in forced laughter or faint. I didn't find it funny, not one bit. I chuckled softly through a nervous smile to appease him though; reserving the fact like that I made a very ridiculous joke.

"See? Was it that bad to say?" He slapped me on the back, hard, causing me to sputter.

"I what- sorry?"

"Come come, you're always looking like I'm gunna skin you or somethin'."

If I had the ability to sink up and die, I would have. I felt like this was a terrible practical joke, and I was in a loop of infinite nightmares because of it. My heart wasn't jumping anymore, it was long dead. I'm a coward; I always knew that, I knew this place is going to kill me.

Engie must have noticed my pale expression of fear and confusion through my guise of nervous chuckling, because he gave me another cheerful grin. I thought for a moment, as things for me made sense, he thought I was from the future... but... now how the hell would think of something like that.

Engie noted my confusion, and took it as I didn't understand what he was talking about. That was sort of true, but for a very different reason.

"It's 1969, New Mexico. From evidence we've discouvered, you're from another time frame."

_1969... in a video game you mean_

"Lighten up Jack. It wasn't hard to figure out somethin' odd about ya."

My mouth opened, although it was dryer then sponge cake; I managed to crack out an un-amused, "Oh?"

"Jack, we saw the tapes, we know yer here out not of yer own will."

Thank GOD. However caused them to jump to that conclusion is my lifeline. I must exploit that. I must take advantage of every little faction of that develops from it.

"I thought... you wouldn't believe me if I told you I just teleported..."

The words simply fell out of me; I felt like inside somewhere, like I already told myself what to say in this sort of situation.

"Not too much. But I wouldn't be surprised. You work for a lab or a testing facility?"

"No. I co-manage a Health Food shop."

"Huh... that makes things more puzzling... "

He began to make his way down the hall again. I blindly followed.

What? Time Travel? That sounds so insane it must work... I decided at that moment, to go along with it. They believe in time travel, that's better then convincing them they're cartoon characters from a computer game. Like before, I had to make use of this conclusion, I had to convince the all I was from the future as much as possible.

"Uh, yes, that too is I want to know. One moment, I'm at home, next thing I know, I'm being torn apart through time and space and flung across all boundaries of reality."

A white-lie, something not to be ashamed of.

"You just should have told me."

"Well, I couldn't, none would have believed me. I'd be thrown into an asylum!"

"Believe me, time travel isn't as extreme as it sounds. The monkeys at TF labs have been developing a way for years now."

"But... you stumbled upon a way somehow."

Engineer went quiet.

"That I did... Nearly killing my whole team in the process, Respawn is not a toy to be played with."

"... I got here through Respawn?"

"Yeah, I tried installing a teleporter entrance inside a few weeks back. It went gone and got you here... Im' sure I'll figure out how once I burrow in."

"...my house has a time crack in it. That's just bloody perfect."

"Well, I don't know for sure, but I think it just picked a random location to teleport. After I'm done with it though, everything should get back to normal."

'done with it'? Does that mean he's going to find a way back? Is there hope after all?

"You? You're going to help me get back? How?"

"I'm not sure, but this thing will certainly help."

He removed a black object from one of the hanging pockets from his tool belt. I started at awe at the device he was holding up for it looked exactly like the laptop Kate owns.

"Christ! That's Kate's laptop!" I gripped it without warning. It was Kate's all right; she put a giant Harry Potter sticker on the front of it to cover up the logo. The damn thing was filthy; food stuck on it, scratches, grey smudges painted all over it and... purple paint? It was a real mess.

"Oooooh dear, she's going to be pissed!"

"Why?"

"Kate's my sister, she needs that laptop for work and- How did it get here!"

"Probably same way you did. I'm guessing the tele shot out several waves of energy pinpointing in your location. I'm sure if we look around hard enough, we'd find other things from your house 'round here. Small things"

"Then how did I get here?"

"Probley a random, large burst. I don't really know, but I'm guessing it won't happen again. Your sister will be fine."

I wasn't concerned at all for Kate. I was concerned of how many of my processions will be lost after this is all over... this would also solve where my left socks went to.

"It's all aright Jack. I'll figure everythin' out. In the meanwhile, you'll be a special guest here."

Those words seemed to release a sort of bond from inside. I couldn't help, being me, but somehow ruining that safe feeling by thinking of crazy notions.

Like for example, Soldier hits me with a shovel again?

Or what happens when one of you decides to kill me?

How? I can't mention the fact that I know they're mercs. In fact I don't know what they expect me to know. Do they know I know I'm in a top secret base pretending to be a farm? God, this was bugging me.

I'll just not mention it unless one of them brings it up. I formed a simple question in my head.

"Well, you believe I'm trustworthy, how about the others?"

"Naw, they won't hurt ya, they're not gettin' paid to. You might have to put up with their badgerin' though."

We approached a large door frame. I could see the remainder of the team relaxing in chairs, watching television. More of the RED team... they were real also.

With Engineer's kind nature beside me and my self-confidence, I will overcome this. I won't let my fear control my actions; I won't fear these characters for they won't hurt me.

I was going to have my head up high.

I'm going to show them I'm not going to be push upon or weak.

That, what I said to myself before, dissipated into nothing when the RED team all looked at me when we wandered into the large room.

...This place is going to kill me...


	10. Meatloaf the food, not the singer

_I'm glad people like the story._

_Nothing happens in this chapter besides Jackie wallowing in self pity and drinking his worries away. He also meets the RED team. Vale Decem! _

* * *

**Meatloaf (the food, not the singer)**

This place was going to kill me. At first, I feared that one of them, mainly the Soldier, would destroy me in a horrendous fit of unprovoked rage. But as I soon learned, it wouldn't be one of the mercs that will be the end of my demise, it'd be the diet. A repugnant dish they called "Meatloaf" was a staple of what they eat at RED base. I knew Meatloaf was a singer my parents liked when they were younger, but I never had sampled the real thing, and now I defiantly never will.

There were 3 people missing from the table; The Medic, the Spy and the Pyro. I knew why Medic wasn't present; I knew that he hated my guts for some reason. The minute I stepped into the room, his deathly glare spoke words that hate couldn't even define. He looked like I personally de-flowered all his daughters and framed his wife for manslaughter before burning a hospital down. I reminded myself to stay away from this madman.

The Spy, he's probably sneaking around, you could never really know with him. He was my most third most played class so I naturally wanted to him to stay, but the second I looked away, he mysteriously disappeared.

The Pyro is obvious; he's in his room eating. I doubt he'd ever take of his mask in front of the others, but I noticed he's a lot shyer then I thought he'd be. From I've seen from the taunts, he's a confident, self-assured warrior of fire. But from my observations, he was like an outsider who doesn't bond with his team. Unless he, like the Medic, doesn't like me either and would rather avoid me then sit at the same table.

Or her... I rather not think about it, I never play the Pyro class anyway.

Meeting the team was as exactly awkward and frightening as I thought it would be and more. All eyes, all the eyes of the TF2 RED team where drawn on me. From the death glares, to the mildly, curious, concerned, I did not appreciate the attention. I felt exposed and naked although I was informally dressed in my night clothes with no shoes. I was worse than an intruder; it was their faces judging me... their faces, drawn in distrust, fear and interest.

Their living area was massive; like in the game, it was barnlike and wood like the courtyard in front of the respawn room. There was heaps of bright yellow hay bunched up in random places, cobwebs stuck around the ceiling comically. It reminded me of the decorations by someone who never watched a western. I almost expected the band from Heehaw to leap out... was Heehaw a western?

It was a well lived-in area, beer bottles, stains on the couch, scorch marks, bullet indents- bullet holes? What in blazes are they doing in here? Large plastic leafy plants in red ceramic pots littered the room among various types of mismatched armchairs, couches, chairs and a massive table thrown about the room like a maze. Everyone was seated in one of these, Soldier pouting, sitting up straight, Scout practically lying across a bench, Sniper and Demoman slouching on a flower-printed sofa in front of a retro looking black and white tele.

Oh my goodness, Demoman looked terrible, he wasn't swearing or yelling or saying taunts, he appeared like he was going to die. I thought I look bad in the morning, but the poor Demoman. His remaining eye was bloodshot ruby red and his complexion was pale looking compared to Sniper, who was still wearing his glasses inside. The Demomans appearance disturbed me; my fantasy of a new drinking buddy dissipated. The rest however, besides the Soldier and Medic, were hard to read on their opinions of me with their unreceptive gazes.

But I couldn't really see, for I was still frozen at the door frame with Engineer as he called for their attention.

"Sit down and relax Jack."

I sat rigidly in the closet seat possible to me, which was a lumpy coca-cola brown sofa, which thankfully also didn't have anyone sitting in. I could sense their eyes watching my every move like vultures at the Mad Hatter's Tea Party. Engineer began introductions, going person to person around the room. I nodded, giving a tiny smile as he stated the names of the team.

_Heh...oh yes, I should really pay attention, I don't want to mix up their names._

"Tell em' what you told me." He encouraged, he sat in a wood chair near me.

It was my time to shine, I clasped my hands on my lap, stared straight ahead and told them my story.

None of them spoke, which annoyed me. I knew they didn't talk in domination lines all day, but I wanted to hear them anyway. And if what Engineer said about me staying here, I'd have to wait till a battle to hear them. Will they let me stay long enough to watch them fight?

They wanted to hear my side so of course, I explained about being at home, sitting quietly, minding my own business, not doing any anything but reading, when my home shattered around me as I was being sucked down a time vortex that happened to be the circumrance of a tin can.

I expected questions, but I didn't think they'd be shouted out in a close proximity to my ear. Soldier seemed devoted to weasel out a confession out of me, which I probably would have done if I wasn't so busy being deaf. To my surprise, it was the Demoman who came to my aid. I kept my eyes to the dirty floor, which was covered in track dirt, bent nails, bullet casings and crumbs of potato chips as the Demoman and the Soldier continued in a rebuke-like shout off.

I felt glad to have Demoman as another ally here. Perhaps he and I will be good drinking partners after all after he detoxed himself and had a good night's rest.

The others however, I could tell if they approved me being here. I didn't care if they don't like me, it's not like I decided to march into a video game to stay the weekend like a disliked family member. I came here by accident, I couldn't help it. But I did want to survive my duration here and hopefully with friends then with enemies.

After Soldier calmed after his little tirade, Heavy suggested that we should "Feed the mouth and not the fire."

A meal did sound better than sitting in the middle of what felt like a brutal interrogation.

So here I was, sitting in their kitchen (They have a KITCHEN!), wedged between the Demoman and the Scout, with a full plate in front of me. The kitchen was like any normal kitchen, problem was it was as dirty as if an entire dorm toddled in and used it moments before...Even my kitchen was cleaner then this place! I wouldn't dare stand in this hole without a hazmat suit, let alone cook in here. I shook those thoughts out of my head; I'm a guest here and must be polite, I'll clean while they all sleep. Besides, maybe they make great meals here if they use the kitchen a lot.

I was wrong...they have THIS on their menu.

I remember earlier, when I was so excited to be here, I couldn't keep still. Now, I feel so alien to my surroundings, so out of place and shy, and an overused word I've been using; awkward.

I also remember when I was telling myself I was so hungry, I'd eat anything if it looked like food...fortunately for me, the contents of the plate in front of me didn't even resemble anything edible, but a lumpy piece of rotted meat someone left on the train tracks for several hours before being steamrolled by a train. I wouldn't even call it meat; it looked like brown mush, flattened into a square shape and blasted to death by a rusty flamethrower. It was swimming of what I first thought was a tasty sauce, but was horrified to discouver, was really the death juices from its still- Oh god, from it's still raw middle.

I suppressed a gag by transforming it into a coughing fit.

As a vegetarian for the last 6 years, the faint stench of meat would make me throw up. It was probably a good thing I haven't ate since breakfast, or else the entire floor would have been decorated in my vomit. I stared at the plate in front of me. I was hungry, but my spoiled way of life allowed only the consumption of healthy foods. I glanced up at everyone, expecting them to be as well disgusted, to push their plates away and demand something better.

I was mistaken; everyone was either stuffing their mouths with the mud-muck or swallowing it whole while chatting lively with one another. Did they really eat this stuff? Scout was the worst, he was shovelling as much as he could down into his mouth; his entire lower face was covered in meat like a demented beard. The man was practically slurping it.

I must have been eating too much with females. Like Kate for example, she takes even, little bites contrast to her gorging herself with food. Kate would also never eat whatever mystery meat this is and she isn't even a vegetarian! Even my friends would never eat like this or this filth. Where were the sandviches? Shouldn't there be a whole damn fridge devoted to beer and edible devices? Perhaps Heavy was hording them all... where was his Sasha anyway?

It was intently embarrassing for me, surrounded by meat-eating assassins, being the only one not eating. I'd take a spoonful of the mystery meat, but let the spoon drop as soon as I started to move it away from the plate. I wouldn't feel this way if I was consuming good food.

I will have to explain to them I was a vegetarian... I can stay here not eating; they will have to adapt their lives to fit mine. I hope they understand my choice and don't judge me... Will they think I'm a hippy?

I don't mind being labelled as one, nothing wrong in my opinion, unfortunately I knew for sure the view the Soldier had of hippies. But I wasn't sure of the others. Whatever it was I wasn't going to take that chance, I am going to lie.

They discouvered me.

"What's up?"

"I can't eat this" my voice shuddered; this was going to be harder than I thought.

I could hear Soldier's voice before he shouted across the table.

"This is RED issued rations! You'll eat it and LIKE it!"

"You not built for war. You need to grow big or you won't last long" Heavy stated.

His voice sounded so odd, I was so used to him shouting everything. This must be his non-battle voice and demeanour; Calm, authoritive and cool.

"He's not fighting for he's not part of our team." Reminded Soldier, large drops of the pink juice lingered on the very edge of his massive jaw.

"C'mon pal, even Spy eats it." Interjected Scout, his mouth completely full.

Spy wasn't here. I frowned and my eyes narrowed. It was time to exploit their assumptions of being from the future, even at the risk of being seen as insane. I wasn't going to eat this, and I wasn't going to let them guilt me into eating it. Leaning back into my chair to prove I'm defiant, I pretended to know what I was saying.

"Sorry, I have a rare genetic disorder that stops me from eating any sort of meat whatsoever."

People stopped eating.

"Eh?"

I explained quickly, "It's a future thing. 80% of people have it, it's so common. Everyone is fine with it."

Soldier head snapped up once again, his angry disposition changed to a frantic looking one.

"Is it contagious?"

"We should get Medic to look at him again, maybe he could cure it."

"I- I don't know about that. I mean, we've so advanced in the medical field we would have found something by now."

I was so lucky Medic decided to go hungry; I had no clue of what I was saying. He'd shoot down any medical lingo and would expose my lie. I thought my plan had worked, and it did in a way... but their horrified faces of the dawn of the bleak future made it clear of their fear. I wondered if I've done the right thing with the lying. Engineer took his spoon and took a large scoop of my untouched dinner to drop it on his own with a loud sloppy noise.

"Ya don't have to eat it. It's just we don't have much of anything else."

"I'm not hungry anyway." My sensitive gut knotted like a punching fist.

I didn't know what was worse, not eating when there was food in front of me, or rejecting my food and being the only person at the table without anything. Will this day ever end without me feeling like an ass? The chatter begun up again, something about assessing the basement and turning it into a trap pit.

I wasn't listening. Things like trap pits and murder don't apply in my world, for this one is not my home. I wish I was sitting next to Engineer, he'd talk to me.

Everyone was finishing up, eating up every little bit of the deathloaf, taking swings from their beer bottles... no one offered me one.

"What do you do in society son?" Soldier asked causally, he rolled a fat, unlit cigar in his fingers.

I stared at the rolling cigar, I was definitely shocked to hear him so relaxed, just moments before he looked like he was going to rip my head off and stuff it with meatloaf.

"I'm a business man." Trying to force the fear out of me voice, I thought this was a good response.

"What SORT of business?"

Ohhhh fuck, there were hints of the anger again. Think!

"Oh, I'm a co-manager at a fancy government work-titled place."

Engineer was stacking plates along with the Heavy; he looked up and gave a confused frown.

"Doncha work at a... health food place was it?"

The table, which was fairly quiet save the few conversations erupted in laughter.

"Heh, no wonder you can't stomach REAL food! They've got you brainwashed with rabbit food-stuffs!"

It was my turn to frown. This must be the 'badgering' Engineer spoke of. I don't like being made fun of, but in this turn of events, it'd be wise not to create a fuss. So, suppressing my annoyance, I pouted.

"It's a blood disorder, I can't help that. And I can't say I'm all that healthy."

I stopped at that. I'm not going to run my mouth and talk back about all the substances I've had back at home. Perhaps save the smokes... ones that looked like the Sniper's that were being removed from his breast pocket.

I instantly noticed that Sniper, Soldier and Demoman all leaned back into their seats and were all lighting up. I stared flabbergasted; Engineer did not keep his promise to provide me nicotine. I swallowed a gulp of spit and air; a good cig would definitely help.

I wondered if I should ask, before the Demoman swung a huge hand onto my shoulder. His health improved in the half hour that was reserved for mealtime, perhaps all the man needed was protein. His broad smile spoke more in actions in words as he produced a familiar item; a large, lovely, brown bottle.

"If yer not gunna eat, hows aboot a drink then laddie?"

Alcohol? I pushed my plate away. My whimsical fantasy of drinking with the RED team ignited with gusto.

"Oh yes please, you have no idea how bad I need a pint."

Demoman uncorked the bottle, a mischievous glint in his eye.

"Ever tri'd Scrumpae?"

I held out my hand, fingers tingling, thinking I was hiding my delight pretty well.

"Hand it over, I need a taste"

Scout took out a beer case from out of nowhere; a disgusted scowl grew on his face. Oh, **NOW** he was repulsed, where was that face while we were eating?

"Aw, god, you don't expect him to drink it do you?"

"You're not having any?" I asked.

"Hell no, I'm sticking to beer. Scrumpy-"

Scout shuddered, and went back towards the fridge.

"That's not wise Jack, I've seen what Scrump-."

Engineer was cut off when I chose to ignore, I did not fear the drink; I was the beer baron of Regis Pub! A title I wore with pride, bragging to anyone who would listen. That actually won me a few dates. I can handle my liquor, but with consequence, I'd still get a hangover just like everyone else. Nonetheless, I doubt any of these characters would care about my unofficial name from home, Soldier made that blatantly clear.

"Firewater is for true warriors! And Soldiers! And Veterans! The pure essence of Scrumpy will burn his tender mouth."

More laughter filled the noxious fumes of the table. My scowl extended, The Soldier was not making a friend out of me. I still kept my mouth shut.

Demoman laughed. "Aw, yer right, I shouldn't. I betcha he's a half-pint anyway."

No. No, nothing was going to take my alcohol away from me, I will make sure of that.

"That's not fair. Besides, I want to try, it's not everyday I get a real drink from a black Scottish Cyclops."

My charm and wit will win their hearts.

"There, cee, the boy knows whats he sayin'. Don't you lad?"

He handed me a tall clear glass of a brown liquid. Everyone's eyes were on me again. This time, I didn't mind, this was drinking; I'm in a comfort zone where I can be me and all women in the area were drop dead gorgeous. I fondly accepted the glass, it wasn't washed properly. I ogled at the caramel-gold fluid, despite its lovely colour, had a foul stench. My nose twitched repulsively.

"There you goo, drink up."

It was only a half-quarter full, so, repressing my gag reflex, I forced myself to drink it in one gulp. I anciptated the burning feeling of the smooth, coolish-hot liquid being swallowed down my throat followed by an involuntary shudder. But what I didn't except was the scorching, ecstasy sensation that made my eyes water as my body constricted fiercely within itself.

I gasped in both shock and pain.

I felt like a 10 year old again, when you had your first sip of your mothers wine at a party. It tasted repulsive and disgusting and made you wonder why anyone would drink this sour concoction. You'd wonder this until you'd get older and your taste buds decide they love the taste of all alcoholic beverages and demand more. You'd spend any opportunity to drink whatever was left in every glass until you fell asleep while doing it or your father caught you. I felt this all within 3 seconds. It was amazing.

"This is bloody brilliant stuff."

"Well, at least he drank the whole first shot." Sniper quipped; he too took a quick swing of the liquid. Only he, Soldier and the Demoman were sipping on the potent cocktail, I felt honoured in a non-privileged way.

Another thing that separates Scrumpy from normal alcoholic drinks was usually after drinking a glass, you begin to feel the effects of the brew work it's strange magic. Not Scrumpy, I didn't feel anything despite it smelling and tasting so strong. But after 4 shots, everything was a constant blur of distant colour, adventure and excitement.

The trick is, to take a drink as fast as possible; you'd still get the feeling of elevation, without the burning. I was no prude, I didn't avoid the other drinks provided; I sampled every sip of alcohol they brought out.

Soon, the memories of how I got here, and where I was, was long gone, every movement I and everyone took felt like an effort. Everything I did and what the others said seemed hilarious; I was in a video game, and it was alright. I no longer felt like an intruder. I felt like I was back at home with my goonish friends, laughing and joking and laughing. I talked among them, telling them over the top depictions of my day to day routines, it was just like home.

"You see back home at me dad's place, there was this large andbandont milk factory, smack middle in a field. Me and the mates useta gather there to scare the girls, tellin' them there was a slimey ghost."

"Ghosts?"

"God, DON'T joke about ghosts. Them freaks are real."

"Really? Like that ghost at Harvest? He's real? Neato! You should introduce me!"

"Introduce- that sick fuck shoved a dead rat into mah ear!"

"No cussing."

"I do not like Ghosts."

Hours blended into minutes

"Engineer, instead of finding a way for Jack to go back, we should all go back in time for vacation!" suggested Scout, his movements becoming more and more sluggish.

"That isn't practical. Besides, it only takes objects from time and brings 'em here. Not the other way around."

"Ve go to time of Knights!"

"Hell ya!"

"Or to the sun filled mountains of ancient Sparta!" declared Soldier

"Yea, I don't wan to go home. I wan to wander in the age of Dinosaurs! Giant Reptileses." I said loudly.

Engineer finished his drink and gave a solid, "Nope."

"Oh you're no fun, Engie." Demoman slurred.

"I'm not saying it's a bad idea. In fact, it's a great incentive for an action packed adventure*; but it'd never happen. Besides, who knows what could go wrong with disruption of the timeline. Sorry fellas."

We were all disappointed.

Evently, Scout and Soldier mysteriously disappeared from the table. Soon, Sniper also made his exit, slightly stumbling away, using his hand to brace himself as he slowly made his way down the dark hallway. Damn that man has long legs.

"Heh, wonder if we oughta help him? He's pitched drunk." I laughed; my movements were heavy and hard to control.

"You're drunk kid."

"I'm not. Let's be normal. I am not drunk."

"You are."

"Hoavy had just as much as I did. He's not drunk."

"Heavy can handle his liquor."

"Born and raised on papa's finest." Heavy said with pride.

I waved him off.

"Pah, I can drink annie-one under the tabble."

"I would not advise that, you'd lose." Heavy stated matter of factly.

"Bugger that, I'm the best drinker at Regisises. Regises-Regis!"

Heavy's eyes narrowed in smugness, with a horrible grin, he accepted my challenge with 3 words.

"Then we drink."

He extended his long arm- why are all limps so exaggerated? - and poured a clear fluid into my again empty glass. I thought I saw Engineer shake his head, but many things were happening at once so I couldn't really see.

I took the shot in a quick flash. It was a bit milder then the Scrumpy, but still produced a shudder. Jesus, this was strong stuff. The room spun slightly, I noticed how red everything was here.

"...why is everything red here?"

The ceiling moved in front of me. I felt an odd, forceful, pounding, sensation against my back along with a loud crash. I think I fell down, why is the room spinning?

I burst into obnoxious laughter. I must look like an idiot, falling out of my chair, only I; the beer baron can get away with this. I found that I couldn't sit up, so i continued laying there, laughing about something else.

"We lock him back into closest?"

"Nah, he's not going anywhere."

"Not sure about zhis."

A cheerful laugh filled the air,

"I'll haveta git out the whiskey tomorrow nigh'"

I shut my eyes. Moments later I was sleeping.

* * *

*In case you don't read other TF2 fanfic for some reason, I suggest **Team Fortress 2: the Trouble with Time Travel. **It's a fantastic read if you're into science fiction/comedy like I am.

Go!


	11. My second Day at 2Fort

_I can't think of another title._

_ If you know a better one, jolt it down on a piece of paper, fold it in half 4 times, hide it somewhere that starts with the letter 'G' and forget about it._

* * *

**Day Two**

The moment I shut my eyes and had fallen into a strange sleep, I instantly was woken up by someone prodding me with a cold, blunt object.

"Whuo?" I inquired, not sure if I was dreaming.

"Up and attum, time to get up."

Through my aching, tired, bleary eyes, I made out the dark, fuzzy bodies of the Engineer and the Spy, laminated by a dim light, staring down on me.

_Ah Christ, I'm still here_

For a split second, I forgot where I was and believed I was home, and was going to get up and laugh over my ridiculously strange dream. But here I was passed out on a scratchy couch with a hangover. Insert the empty liquor bottle collection and cat hair and it'd be just like home.

I blinked, forcing to keep my heavy eyes open. My stomach twisted in nausea, pain and hunger. I felt like I was going to vomit all over myself if there was any food in it. I was thirsty as hell, my mouth felt like sand with a strange crust developing around my chapped lips. And did I mention that I desperately had to take a piss? This was indeed a horrible start to a vacation of misery.

"How ya feeling Jack?"

"...like shit."

As Engie was already heading towards the kitchen, I noticed Spy was lingering around me, smoking, with his hand in his pants pocket, carefully observing me. I tried to push myself off the couch. My heart jumped when I remembered my promise not to swear; I depended on Engineer for my nicotine and stumbled back onto the squishy, warm cushions.

"I mean I feel a little under the weather."

Did I sound desperate?

Engineer called me from the kitchen.

"Ya, well, let's get you some coffee then. You gotta long day ahead of you"

I gave a huge yawn as I glanced up with crossed eyes at Spy; he gave me a devious smirk as he took a drag of his ever present cigarette. He causally turned around and strolled off to the kitchen, leaving me on the couch. I inhaled the smoke. My cravings simply added to my mood of my hangover. I struggled to put on my coat that I was using as a flat pillow and shivered, rubbing my arms.

_What time is it?_

I had no idea what the time was, but I knew it had to be early. I shook myself awake again and stood up properly. The floor was icy cold under my feet; I hurried towards the kitchen, hoping it was warmer near the stove. The kitchen was darker and brighter than last night it seemed. Dishes, mugs, glasses and dozens of alcohol bottles lined in and around the sink. The un-kept dishes were almost just like home.

I slumped myself in the same seat I sat in the night before and scratched the stubble on my chin as I watched Engineer at the stove. He was preparing coffee with a silver tea kettle; he didn't look at all tired, humming as he worked.

I tried to re-visit the night events, not to only to remember if I embarrassed myself like I often do, but to assure I didn't spill my secrets. It would be a terrible thing for them to discouver the true nature of me and my home. Hopefully, they would just dismiss my confessions as drunken ramblings and forget about it. Honestly at the moment, I couldn't care what I said... I didn't feel alive.

I noticed the Spy had mysteriously disappeared.

"Where did he go?"

"Hmm?"

"The Spy"

"Spah? I dunno, he comes and goes as he does."

What a stupid question, obviously. I put my hands on my head and gently circled my temples. My skin felt hot, oily, tough and weird in contrast to my freezing cold hands. My eyes felt red, dry and itchy, like they would drip out of my sockets and pool onto the table. Engineer noticed for sure, taking down a plate from a cupboard.

"I did warn you, Demo makes a strong drink. Then you went on with Heavy, not wise. I hope you learned your lesson about likening drink too much."

Was he patronizing me?

"Still, I think you impressed some of them. I think they like you fine."

He was. I guess it serves me right; I did go a little over the top with the alcohol. As for them liking me, as long as I stay alive through this ordeal, I don't care if any of them liked me... that was a lie, I hope they do.

I glanced out the window through the flimsy red fabric; I saw it was still very dark out. In the distance, I noticed Sniper's camper van, parked near a tall water tower. The stars were still out, with a tiny trace of red light peaking from the horizon which I perceived as the sunrise yet to come. The silhouette of mountains, rocks and cacti dotted the landscape like a calendar. It looked remarkably like the National Geographic calendars relatives send at Christmas.

I dragged my eyes away and back towards Engineer, he was holding up a toaster and peaking under it, shoving a butter knife into the mechanics.

"What time is it?"

Engineer put his ear up to the side of the toasting mechanism and shook it.

"5:47. I start my day early, even earlier now that I got another project." He slammed the top with a fist, two pieces of toast popped out. I sat there; a horrified look grew on my tired face.

_Oh god... if every day was going to start this early, I'm not going to last long here._

Why did I think drinking was a good idea? I feel terrible. Engineer turned his head around holding up a bright red mug.

"You take milk an' sugar?"

I shook myself out of my coma, "Yes, both please."

He's giving me coffee? That's the last thing I need. I need to use a latrine desperately and fast. But, out of my forced politeness, I took the mug. At least the warm sensation and vapours gave me a bit of comfort. The smell of toast was inviting as well- where was it?

"Still over from las' night I guess?" Engie chuckled as he took a seat next to me, stirring his coffee.

I gave up my short search for toast and followed suit, stirring my large mug with a spoon. He was parenting me again... I was too exhausted and disgusting inside to care.

"Yes, god... everything is a multicoloured blur of sickness...I don't know what was what. Just dream-like fragments. " my voice was making funny crackling sounds.

"Yeah, we knew you had enough when yer were slurring so much it was like yer were speakin' another language."

"Yes, I get that. It's one developed from me and my mates. After a while, only we can understand our drunkish lingo. All except Dannie..."

"Well, yer not the only one. I bet Demoman, Sniper, Scout and Solly are all tinkered out in their rooms."

I raised an eyebrow, I don't remember Soldier and Scout drinking...much... but then again, I don't remember much at all... But I should know, when you drink, everything around you including memories seems like a dream. Reminds me the very first times I first went to the pub; the laughing, the singing, the good memories of the girls and drugs. I thought of my friends; if only they could see me now. Or maybe not, I was at a low point at the moment. Seeing me still dressed in the same, smelly outfit for the second day in a row, hungover as hell in a stranger's kitchen is embarrassing. Ah hell, I felt horrible. Why did I think drinking into oblivion was going to make everything better? How could I think at all? I wish I could remember what was running through my head when I made that decision. This all just had to happen too, right when a terrible life-changing event happens too.

Engineer jammed the mug towards me for I had trouble reaching for it for some reason. He gave me another symthetic clap on the back, waved up from my seat and led me over towards the door frame. I sighted the plate of toast in his hand.

"Wanna see mah workshop? I hope so 'cause that's where we're going to be."

Taking a small sip of the still incredibly strong coffee from the edge of the mug, I slid like a dead snake from my seat at the table, followed the toast out of the kitchen and into the dark hall.

"I suppose you're going to be the one babysitting me?"

Engineer chuckled.

"Yep. Come on" He beckoned

My limbs were shaking uncontrollably as I sighed and followed him. I was useless and taking up their time it seemed, it made me feel hollow and insincere.

We made down the same hallway we came from my closet and took a left. Like everywhere in the world that you have been, everything looks different at night, or in this case, early morning. I felt like I did yesterday when I met the rest of the team, alien and unsure of myself. What I need is 12 more hours of sleep. Engineer and his smug smile, I knew he meant well, but he wasn't making feel any better anymore. If he didn't have toast, I would have said "bugger this" very loudly and have gone back to the couch.

We marched onwards until we found ourselves in front a massive pair of doors with a number pad. Engineer typed the same button 4 times and the doors unlocked.

"...Engineer."

"Yeah?"

"May I use the lavoratory?"

"Course you can. Down the left hall, 4th door to the left."

"Oh... great."

_Why does it have to be so fucking far?_

"You can find the workshop again can you?" Engie called after me as I practically sprinted down the left.

"Yes, I'll be a second." I yelled back, maybe a little too loudly, I was having trouble with controlling my voice box.

I was surprised he didn't decide to come with me. I didn't think he'd trust me to wander around unsupervised. Still, I rather go alone then him poking around me as I took a piss. Another thought occurred to me as I explored down the strange hall; perhaps I_** should**_ get the hell out of here like I thought of earlier. It wouldn't be safe for a man like me to stick around a place where people die over and over again. I can barley survive five minutes in the damn game as a Demoman, how can I survive in real life as a civilian?

I'd be better off, hell; they would be too if I just scurried off into the sunrise. No one would be the wiser either, since they are all sleeping none the wiser. I'd have at least a two hour head-start if they decide to go after me. But Sniper does have his van, giving me a terrible disadvantage since I can't walk three blocks without a break. And with no supplies and a map, I would not last long in the middle of the desert. They would probably find me and give them a reason to kick the bloody snot out of me or drag me back and do that here. I know Soldier is looking for any reason to flog my head in, why should I give him the satisfaction?

I already found myself standing before the 4th door to the left. I haven't decided if I should run away yet, but I know what I had to do this very moment. Yet, I hesitated, unsure whether to poke the door open or to knock first. It was a normal door, one like many in this building. I thought that perhaps I miscounted and it was really a room full of bombs or radiation or- even the Soldiers bedroom. I didn't want to enter a lion's pit, but I didn't want to stand in front of an empty room like an idiot. So, taking a risk, I clasped the cool, copper knob and slowly opened it.

Like the Engineer promised, it was an empty washroom; a normal, one toilet, one sink with a massive mirror. ...the place was a little too clean... almost unused. But it wasn't the Soldier's room and it was exactly what I need.

After locking the door behind me, I quickly pulled out my johnson and with ease, relieved myself.

My stomach tightened as my kidneys shook, pissing never felt like this before. I groaned and my eyes watered; why the _**bloody hell**_ did I drink so much? With the relief I felt, I think my body is very pissed off with me.

I flushed, shut the seat and went towards the sink like a zombie. As the hot water scorched my hands, I looked at myself in the mirror. If I wasn't so passive at the moment, I'd probably be horrible afraid of how I looked. My eyes were ruby coloured like a pair of watery gems, a pair of dark, puffy bags hung under them like chestnuts. My hair was sticking up like a hundred puffy cowlicks, I need a shower fast. I resembled a dead toad covered in formaldehyde in biology lecture. I'm honestly shocked that Engineer didn't remark on my appearance...or maybe he did...

_Fuck, I look disgusting. What's wrong with me?_

Quickly washing my hands with a bar of unused soap and drying them on my shirt, I took another look at my reflection, I wanted to brush my teeth and shave. Another thought came to mind, I should maybe purge to relieve the sick in my stomach. I instantly shook that out of my head, I'm not going to throw up when there is nothing to throw up and especially when I can't drink any water or brush my teeth afterwards. I frowned at myself again, would I really lower myself to force myself to throw up to enjoy myself here?

Well, I have to do something here, but I'll do it with either Demoman or Engineer in the vicinity. Hence, why I must return to the workshop.

I peered out the door, I felt like one of those ground-dogs that look out of their holes; if I was hangover, the others would be too. Last thing I wanted was to piss off a mercenary... although I don't image them being mad at me for standing in an open door. I needed to get back to Engineer. With the only noise was the patter of my feet against the cool floorboards, I hastily made my way back to his workstation. I felt more awake, even if my stomach was going to crawl from my throat and become a sentient being without me. I prayed to whatever god or goddess was listening that Engineer conserved one of those toasts for me.

I wondered if I would have to type in the number again to get into the workshop, but by the time I got to the incredible workshop, one of the doors were already left open for me. Stepping in slowly and letting the door close behind me, I stared in awe of the scene before me.

It was a brightly lighted, cluttered environment, like VERY cluttered. The room was filled with giant wooden work benches and tables, half-built machinery, metal, tools, gigantic red tool boxes, papers and whatever you'd find in an Engineer's workshop.

Engineer himself was posting up a giant blueprint outlined and covered in white scratches and lines on one of the walls, covering up posters and more blueprints. His mug of coffee was on the table next to him, steaming away. He tacked up another corner and grinned at me.

"Found it?"

"Yes." I muttered, still preoccupied with the area around us.

On one side was a welding-shop; from what I remember from the courses I took in school, there should be a giant screen and barrels, all were omitted from the scene. On the opposite was loaded in hundreds and various types of metal, weapons and hats; HATS! I wanted to run over to hold one, but many benches restricted my path other to that wall.

On many benches, was just covered in maps; even **more **blueprints and sketches with dozens of pencils and pens decorating them and on the floor.

_Does he have plans for the life extender machine? No... that's BLU Engineer... Riiiigghhht._

There were two doors; one was the one we went through, the other was a giant wooden garage door with little dusty, rectangle windows. It reminded me of the auto shop my childhood friend used to live on top of. My eyes dropped to the side of one of the large red tool boxes, another familiar object caught my eye.

"Is that a-"

Without invitation, I rushed gleefully towards the guitar leaning against the tool cabinet. Picking it up by the neck in a non-gentle fashion, I plucked on of the strings. It made a lovely, warm noise. It was glorious and beautiful and I wanted it for my own.

I giggled like a girl, stroking the soft, shiny, polished wood.

"You play Jackson?"

"No. Have you ever hit someone over the head with it?"

"Heh, if I did it'd be used as kindling wouldn't it?"

I was sad. No performance of the Frontier Justice taunt for me.

"You should make many guitars and smash someone's head in when they get too close." I suggested.

"That isn't practical. I'd be wasteful. Oh, before I forget-"

He produced two objects; a pair of dark brown combat boots and a RED carton of slimmer's finest...Smokes.

"Oh- May I?"

He held them out to me with another one of his warm smiles.

"Go for it."

_Be calm, calm down, don't appear desperate, and put on the boots first._

The boots were too big; I easily wiggled my toes around in the clown-like boots. They went up high past my ankles and a quarter-way up my calves. Despite my first reactions, they felt tight and warm on me, like a new coat or sleeping bag, and were surprise comfortable. I tucked my Mario pyjamas nicely into them before leaning up to admire them. I really do like them.

_They look good on me... I got to buy me a pair...now... smokes_

With a shaking hand, I took the carton I left on one of the tables. I undid the paper tab that closed the top and drew out a long, sweet smelling, and white cigarette from its nest. They looked and smelled nothing from the ones I smoke at home; they must have been the Spy's.

"Now?" I asked politely and hopefully.

Engineer frowned

"Not in here I'm afraid."

My heart is broken. Hiding my disappointment, I put the smoke back into the carton and into my coat pocket for later. This was madness; I can't enjoy myself if all I'm going to think about was smoking. But, on my word, I'm going to damn well try to get something out of my visit here. Engineer was now parked in a wood chair in front of the massive blueprint he posted up with a piece of chalk dotting and crossing things out in the corner.

I saw another chair covered in spare red shirts and more blueprints and metal, but since I was not invited to sit, I instead stood next to him, trying to read his scribbling. I gave up when I saw equations and math work. I refuse to stand in silence; I decided to make conversation, even if he's trying to work.

"I can see why you'd work here. This place is amazing! You really can do whatever you want."

Engineer gave me an appreciating smile of approval.

"That's what I think too. Free to do what I please, no questions asked. Help yourself Jack."

He noticed my stares at the plate of toast on the bench next to him like a hawk at a fat rat with a large head. Without any more reassurances, I took a side of toast and took a large bite from it. It was dry and bits and crumbs lined my mouth and windpipe as I tried to swallow, I must have left my mug of coffee in the washroom. But despite the crumbly texture, it was buttery and delicious, much, much better than that horrid meatloaf from last night. Anything would have tasted better. Engineer took a drink from his mug and cleared his trought, something was on his mind.

"But what I wanna know is how come you know so much?"

_Oh no._

"Me? Oh, I know nothing."

I hoped he'd drop the topic and talk about himself some more.

"Don't say that, you've been givin' hints about us this whole time. Are we known in the future or something?"

"Well, I don't want to destroy the timeline or anything, but... yes? Yes, this entire war is recorded into history."

_Oh my god, what did I just say?_

Engineer looked pensive, much like he did when he first talked to me in the closet. He tapped his fingers on his kneecaps, bits of white chalk fluttering and staining his pant leg and floor. The look was strange and distrustful, I didn't like that look at all. He finally spoke.

"Oh... well, as long as it's a good future for us, there is no point in asking."

Thankfully he dropped it. I wonder if this is a hint, for me to either tell him that the future was going to be a virtuous, successful one for the RED team or that it'd be a failure. I don't even know if it would be, but I wasn't going to burry myself in a hole that might kill me later. I switched my gaze back to the poster.

"What's that there you working on?"

Engie sighed, "That's a simple out graph of the Respawn engine. I reckon I should work on that first, and then work mah way out."

I've never heard of an 'out graph' before, but I nodded in agreement.

"Meybe later I'll show you the Respawn room, meybe you'll see something you recognize. I'm sure our outdated machinery is Neanderthal-like compared to what yer used to but-"

I widened my eyes in shock and amusement; did he think I was a genius because I was from the future? True, we have superior technology, but that doesn't constitute for my intelligence. I thought my job at the health food place and status of Beer Baron made that clear.

Engineer was now holding up Kate's computer, scratching the fuzz under his helmet unsurely as opened it up a monkey would a rotten banana.

"Whas this again?"

Aha, time to shine with my advanced intelligence.

"Kate's laptop, It's a computer."

Engie gawped at it, peering under it as he sceptically frowned.

"This...God damn, it's so small!"

It was my turn to chuckle and grin.

"Yes, we have grown technology-wise, allow me to show you."

Taking it lightly from his hand, I demonstrated for him as I placed it on the table.

Praying it was charged up and ready, I pressed the start up button on the side. With an electronic sigh, the screen lit up brightly with the windows logo waving back and forth. I smiled broadly and presented it to the shocked Engineer as it loaded up on a background of a "Don't Fuck with Cthuluhu" poster.

"Here you are; full internet access, office necessities, sound and video editors, Photoshop, and Bejewelled. All in one"

Engineer look perplexed. Hunched over the little computer, he gingerly tapped the 'A' key, but not hard enough to make it go all the way down.

"Corn cakes... the mammoths in the basement are th' size of a thraller and they can't even do half the things you said this little sucker could do... dang."

He tapped another key lightly, nothing happened.

"What progrums you said were on here?"

"Internet, photoshop- well, those are sort of hard to explain, especially with no internet I'm afraid."

The internet I'm sure would not work here, hell I'm lucky that damn thing works at all in the state they've being keeping it. I tapped the side of the screen as I counted down the options.

"But you can look at pictures of home if you like."

With a quick movement of the pointer and swift clicks, I opened Kate's picture folder. Why I decided to randomly show private pictures of my sister's life is beyond me. I suppose I wanted to give a taste of my world.

"That's me and Kate at mom's place. And that's her with her friend at the palace last summer. Oh, that's me again! I had longer hair back then... That's our kitty cat Milo, he's a Manx-Bengal cross. That's me at the park, I only went there once, a dog tried to bit me there. "

I sat back, leaning against one of the benches as Engineer felt braver now to click the arrow keys hard enough to make the picture change. His confused look of bewilderment converted to a happy smile.

"Ya have a nice place there, looks clean."

I wondered if I should tell the truth about climate change and run my mouth dry about the environment, but decided not to. He probably wouldn't be interested if it doesn't apply to him. Besides, it will never be 2010 here; he'll be stuck in the late 60's forever.

"Well, my future is nice..."

I stopped there.

"Hmm..."

We viewed the photos in silence as finally Engineer took his massive hand away from the key board and back on to thighs.

"That's a nice mechanism ya got there Jack-"

I nodded and smiled, agreeing with him on my advanced accomplishment in intelligence and know-how.

"I hope ya donne mind it when I take it apart."

I sputtered; the man had to be pulling my leg. I blinked stupidly at him, mouth agape; he didn't look like he was joking.

"I- well, I understand if you need to, to get me back but-"

"Not jus' that, I wanna see how it works."

I was shocked. He wanted to dissect my technology to satisfy his curiosity? This was not the Engineer I knew, he's being selfish! Not to mention, the deep shit I'd be if Kate was ever to find out the demise of her personal property.

"It's not mine, its Kates, it has work on it, it's-"

I stopped stammering. It was sacrifice Kate's laptop or be stuck here forever with an unknown fate at hand. My lowly pleas weren't going to stop him from doing what he wants anyway.

"Jackson, you know... there may not be a chance you'd go home?"

... He had to bring that up. I knew in the back of my brain that my chances of returning save and sound and in one piece were horribly low. It was Engineers reassurances that kept me together, gave me hope and allowed me to relax and think. Now I'm hearing he might not have a way to get back; that notion just hurt me. I had to hear him tell me that it was going to be alright, I had to hear his kind words of optimism and trust.

"You said you can get me back."

"Yeah, I did. But you haveta understand, I brought you here by accident. I'm thinking I could rewire the teleport I put in there to re-emit the direction of the route. But I don't know for sure if it'll do the trick. It's a good chance it'll work mind you; I just don't want to raise yer hopes up too high."

Engineer looked genuinely apologetic, and I was thankful he wasn't messing with me... but he is certainly toying with my emotions whether he wanted to or not.

I stood quietly. I felt a sudden pain and tightness close in my chest and esophagus. If I wasn't leaning on the bench, I'd probably would had fallan over. I haven't cried here yet once, (being sucker punched with a shovel doesn't count) but at that moment, I had to suppress the urge to sob right there and then. Not going home changed something in me and one of the last things that connected me to it is going to be ripped apart. I wasn't going to cry in front of Engineer at least, I simply refuse.

I stared at the single bite I took of my toast. I didn't feel hungry anymore. Engineer rambled on, in front of his massive blueprint of the Respawn machine, pointing out different modules and wires and what he was planning on doing to fix it. I had no idea what he was talking about, and I couldn't care. My head was swimming and my eyes were starting to tear up, the tightness in my chest expanded to my limbs. Screw my hangover, I feel worse now than I did minutes earlier.

"Ya okay son?"

Something escaped my scared lips.

"...can I play your guitar for a while?"


	12. Babysitters and Batteries

**Babysitters and Batteries**

_Last chapter was really horrid... I'll probably never fix it so you're all stuck with it_

_And here's a drinking game! Every time repeated words like 'awkward', 'fear' and unnecessary swear words pop up SCREAM REAL LOUD! Or have a drink of your favourite (alcoholic) beverage. I won't take responsibly for brain damage from the screaming or the hangovers that follow._

_So grab some food and a cup of tea and get reading! Again, running out of sacrifices, so please write reviews describing how much (or how little) you are enjoying the story thus far to the Fan fiction Gods. Share and enjoy._

* * *

The day eventually came with the sun peaking over the horizon. Engie, I started calling him that since I remembered hearing the Soldier calling him that. He didn't once correct me about what to call him, so I continued in that fashion. So, Engie opened the garage hours ago as the sun began to rise over the distant flat landscape. The temperature in outside world intensified, flooding the workshop with a hot, brilliant natural light. I flourished and relaxed under the loving glow of the still growing sunbeams. Being winter back home, sunlight was a majour luxury so I took advantage from my spot sitting on top of an empty toolbox on top of a bench. I stared out in the wilderness beyond the map of 2Fort... it looked real enough, hoodoos, plateaus, plants, red coloured earth and sand... it was pretty. Where there animals out there? How about other people? So far, from what I've observed, this seems to be just another copy of Earth, just TF2 themed. Does the world exist outside the building? If I step outside, will I fall into oblivion? I adjusted my bottom on my make-shift seat; it was starting to go numb. I turned complete around so I was facing the back of Engineer, my now covered feet planted on top of his blueprints. It was a good thing these boots were cleaned recently; I wouldn't have dirt covering vital papers. The sun beams now warmed my back as I sighed forwards, my body swishing the guitar. God it felt good. Engineer worked a few meters away, still scribbling on the large blueprint, shoving the ends of his pencil into his mouth as he alternated between chalk and the easer.

I had no idea of what he was describing about his machine, so like the immature man I am, pretended I was a struggling musician waiting for the rest of my misfit band members in my firm, yet loving single dad's garage.

I had never played any type of string instrument, although I did go through piano lessons when I was 7, my ear for music was flat to say the least. The fact painfully confirmed itself as I drummed along aimlessly on the Engineer's guitar as he worked. I was trying to be delicate and gentle, plucking random notes and strings, pretending like I knew what the hell I was doing. Engineer kept the topic of his respawn plan up, explaining in long detail what he will do. But for now, he was quiet, his brow frowning as he was deep in thought. I let him think quietly without interruption; I said not a word, hoping that my playing wasn't annoying him. It was or wasn't, Engineer never once told me.

I played to the frustration of my nicotine cravings and hunger while resisting the urge to trash the guitar against the side of a spare dispenser. I felt better than I did early this morning; not tired, but I still felt like my heart was going to stop if I didn't have a cigarette in the next hour or so...I'm honestly surprised I went that long without slamming the thing down before brawling my eyes out. Memories from the nights past were still fuzzy, anything useful about the world I'm in and the characters were forgotten. My anger increased; why did I get so stupid last night? I made a promise to myself right there not to drink for the rest of my stay here... but that promise won't be valid if I ever get back home...

Lord, I should be thankful they decided to let me stay. They could have sent me packing without water into the unknown terrain to die... Funny how I thought of this, while hours ago, I was considering escaping into the flat, hot desert... Perhaps they weren't so bad after all... besides the constant murdering and pretty much enjoying it while doing it.

I sighed hopelessly... I hope the others don't catch on my funny mood swings...

Engineer mentioned before, that one of the others will take me away to get cleaned up and to get more food. I'd see more of the base and at least I had that to look forward to... expect for the feeling of being escorted around like a relative no one wants around. No one likes me here... They all want me gone then them babysitting me twenty-four hours a day.

_These contradicting thoughts are certainly hindering my plucking at random guitar strings. _

I made a sour note. I scowled, that idea pissed the hell out of me. Blimely, I'm fucking 24 years old here, not six. What could I do wrong here? I'm not that incompetent; I can keep my hands to myself and keep my mouth shut. I scratched at a dry patch developing on my neck as I glanced over to my sister's laptop. It was being used as a paperweight upon various blueprints and papers underneath it, among many other miscellaneous objects. Engineer said he'd take it apart later, when I'm not in the same room and willing to trust the laptop away from his damaging it. What he wanted with it was beyond me, I couldn't image how ripping it apart would magically teleport me home. I bet he was just looking for a reason to destroy it, and there was no way to get me back home. Fine with me, let me get access to a rocket launcher and I'll blow myself out of here. It's finding my own way or be bossed around and wondering where my next meal will come from.

A shout echoed from the outside world.

"ENGANEER!"

I turned my head around from my post sitting on top of one of the messy benches. The Scout class strolled in from the bright outside like the cock of the walk from the open garage door. His metal bat perched on his thin shoulder; he wiped a thin layer of sweat from his brow.

I set the guitar carefully next to me; I guess it was his turn now to watch me.

He gave me an acknowledging look but otherwise ignored me as he sauntered in and stood next to Engineer. Engineer removed the pencil from his mouth to stretch and yawn.

"Mornin' Scoot."

"Mornin."

Scout pointed at the blueprint.

"That Respawn?"

"Yep"

Scout cranked his head sideways.

"It looks like a killer robot donnit?"

"Yep, you'll show Jack around then?"

"Ya, ya, I will. I jus' wanted to tell you that Medic told me to tell you that we're fightin' tomorrow instead of Thursday now."

Engineer gave a blank look. Finally, as it settled in, his hand massaged his forehead under his hardhat.

"Aw dangnabbit... I told 'im I'd work on his Krizberg. Dang... well, go on and take Jack, I'll go an' work on that."

"Yep, c'mon."

I knew that meant me. I slid off the table and gave a smile and a silent "Thank you" to the Engineer who returned with a cheerful wave. He's so kind.

I quickened my pace to follow Scout who was already outside; the man was fast, even while walking. The boots I was wearing proved to be a challenge to walk in, as they were too wide... I'd have to stuff them with something later. The rays of the sun pounded onto me, quite different from the soft beams of light in the cool garage. I hoped we go inside soon; I can't stand direct contact with the sun. We walked along side of what seemed to be the side of the wooden structure that I saw my first night, that loading bay... The large sliding doors towering over us looked like it could fit the Queen Mary snugly. The structures were so massive, much more impressive and ominous then in the game. Like on the online map, there were random barrels, giant crates and other such equipment lying around, different RED logos sprung up to remind you who you work for, a rubber plastic frog next to a water hose. But from my position, I didn't know if this was part of the map where you fight, or an uncharted, never seen part. Where was the moat? If I saw the moat, I'd know where I was.

I walked beside the young man, at the edge of my eye; I noticed he was staring at me.

"Did anyone ever told ya that you look like a hippy?" he finally spoke.

"Yes, several times in the last two days actually."

Scout stopped at a single open door frame leading into the dark, cool interior.

"So, I lost the draw first. Gotta show you around, ya know... make sure ya don't do anything-"

_Hmm... like, deploying a nuclear missile for example?_

His face turned, revealing a terrible dark sneer.

"And uh, just so you know-"

I was taller than he was, but we were still practically nose-to-nose as he moved closer to loom over me.

"Any wrong moves an' I swear I'll bash your head in?"

He stuck a long finger in the middle of my chest.

"Get it?"

I scoffed, mentally of course. I wasn't going to be scared of this twat. His tough man act will not faze me in the least. He may be a trained mercenary, but I'm taller and watched action movies, I could fight him and win easily I'm sure of it.

But I wasn't going to... just to be safe.

"Got it."

"Good! Let's get you clean"

I shuddered repulsively. Somehow, a picture of Scout spraying me with a hose came to mind. When they decide to let the Scout take me around? Who else was going to keep an eye on me? What there a particular order? With a sigh, and like what I've been doing from the start, I swallowed the remaining shreds of my dignity and followed him inside.

I found we weren't in the official sections that I'd probably seen, but of the base to the more personal quarters. It was dirtier for sure, mud tracks, dried up leaves and- tree branches? - littered the floor and gathered at the sides of the hallway, like someone just swept it to the side. Dark scorch marks and other battle debris somewhat covered the walls and floor as well as pennies and cat food kibble. I could hear a faint tune of a radio somewhere; it sounded familiar, an oldie perhaps? Maybe I'm in an alternate reality and there are things that both exist in our worlds. But I'm not going to dwell that much on the thought; this could all very well be still in my head. There were also more doors, doors with bullet holes and most with locks got more and more present as we walked by. I looked upon one of the shabby, ugly doors; it looked like it was replaced more than once, a black-scorched number of 669 was brunt on with a stencil.

I could only assume that room belonged to the Pyro. That confirmed it, we had to be in the RED Barracks now, was there a foosball table and a waffle bar here?

"You all really live here? Here at the base? That's brilliant!"

"How so? We havta live somewhere while we kick BLU ass."

He paused for a sec and decided last second to thoroughly answer my comment,

"Hey, it's not like we live here all year round... a few weeks to a couple months, no problem, and plenty of time to see family on Christmas."

"Why don't they stay here with you?"

"Who?"

"Your family."

"What type of talk is that? This is a freaking war not a company picnic."

"This is a fortress, normal people should live here too."

"Na-uh, only soldiers and hired killers live in fortresses."

"That's a fort."

"Aha! This is teu-fort and there ain't any civilians."

He got me there...

Still, even the freaking Enterprise had family members. I flushed that out of my head, Star Trek; NG wouldn't come out for another few decades... but the original however... I saw a television in that living room yesterday; perhaps we could all watch it.

This place was quiet. Where is everyone? I wanted to see them, have breakfast and do fun TF2 related activities.

"Where is everyone?"

"Round, not much to do when there is no battle but to prepare. Soldier tries ta get the fat-asses some exercise so they're not slow. Maybe we should get you into that."

I suppressed another scoff.

He stopped suddenly in front of a pair of doors. I almost collided into him, stopping myself from tripping over myself. It was hard to follow someone when you don't know where your host is taking you.

He scooped up an unmade bundle of clothes left in front of the doors and held them out to me.

"So here, I got ya sume clothes. They should fit. The shirt is from yours truly, but the pants, I dunno, I found 'em covered in dust in the basement, no one would care if you use 'em."

I accepted the bundle. "Thank you."

"So, yeah, go on in... I'll be waitin' out here."

He crossed his arms and leaned against the opposite wall. From his eyes, I could tell he was up to something... like pulling a trick... He watched me like a hawk as I hesitantly opened one of the swinging doors and stepped inside. I expected a giant rubber spider or one of the others with a Halloween bag on, but nothing was there. I let the door fall behind me, waited a second and stuck my head outside again.

Scout was already marching halfway down the hallway, swinging his bat wildly, making metal 'ponkponk' noises. Oh, so that was his plan; leave me to my own devices as he goes off. I retreated back into the room and let the door close. Now would be a good time as any to make an escape. I could sneak around in cover of hiding behind things and avoiding both the teams. I could go to TF and demand retribution for all the Intelligence I know and live as a king. That thought diminished as I thought of my one-way ticket to the gravel pit to be brutally shot.

I dragged myself away from the entrance and settled in the middle of the washroom, dumping the new clothes down. I leaned down to untie the thick black laces and pull off my now dusty boots. I placed them neatly next to a bench in front of an open cubicle- just like in the game! Everything was to detail, just moveable. I stopped myself from rummaging through it... but...I still wondered if I should quickly go in their stuff... I stood straight again and removed my large jacket. Making sure my smokes where safe and won't get wet, I put my coat on top of the bench so it won't fall on the floor. I fumbled with taking off my shirt, my icy cold fingers scarping my warm skin as I yanked it off, exposing my pinkish-pale skin.

Although I was absolutely alone, showering in a stranger's public washroom felt impersonal, like I shouldn't be here. I darted my eyes around on the ceiling for a video camera. I noticed those cameras were everywhere here, I wonder if the Administrator knows about my arrival... will she do anything? Would she really put cameras in the shower? I glanced real quickly behind the cubicles just to be safe, there was nothing there. Still, the feelings of unease lingered, I wouldn't be surprised if the Spy is a voyeur and is standing invisible in the corner watching me undress.

The shower room released a great deal of the gym changing school where I played football, the rot and everything. The school was built way before the sixties, and had leaks and roaches everywhere. I guess style hasn't changed much. There was six sinks on the left of me, complete with a large mirror. I stared at my horrid reflection. My hair looked fuzzy and reminiscent of Papa Lazarou. I stood away from it, just to make sure someone wasn't watching from the other side... as well as I don't like undressing in front of a mirror either.

I folded my warm black shirt somewhat half-hardly and tossed it on the wood bench and hesitated with taking off my pyjama bottoms. I glanced at the door, it didn't have a lock. What if one of them walks in here? What if they see me? I grew frustrated again. There's no fucking showering or living in the damn game. It's purely adrenaline fuelled combat. What was my plan? Barricade myself in the RED team bathroom? That was a terrible plan, even for me.

What was I afraid of? That one of them will see me starkers? I wasn't afraid of showing off my Johnson after a few drinks, and I can't take off my pants in a men's bath? I frowned staring at the door and sighed.

_Ah, screw it_

Sliding the fabric quickly down my ass and onto the floor, I stepped out of my pyjamas, rolled them up and tossed them to the rest of my clothes. I found one small measly towel that is probably used as a hand drying tool and pulled around my waist tightly.

Although I convinced myself that it is perfectly alright to be naked in a public bath, I ran into a shower stall. Thank god there are sandblasted glass doors to prevent embarrassment. I ran my face down my face in my foolishness... I can't see what my problem is. Give me a normal day and a few pints, and I'd sing "Poker Face" in the nude for the whole world. But as a now naked man in the middle of a bath in a video game, all I wanted to do was to hide in the shower and quickly get the hell out of here.

It was cold without clothes on, so with a shaking hand I turned on the hot water full blast and stood there thinking more about my situation. So, here I was, standing in one of the shower stalls, under the water, staring into space like a dead fish. I snapped myself out of my little coma, reminded myself to hurry up and looked around the shelf for soap. There wasn't any.

_I guess it's bring your own. Damn Scout didn't bother to tell me that._

Where would I have gotten soap anyway? I scrubbed myself with my hand, hoping it would be enough to wash away that smelly body odour smell. I paced slightly, hoping foot to foot, thinking of all the strange foot ache and fungus that can grow from contact from the tiles of a public bath.

My stomach was retching again; I should have force fed myself that damn toast. Why didn't Engie make eggs like he did yesterday? Fuck eggs... I wanted to smoke pot. My stash must be at home, laying on the ground or something. My cat will probably go in it, spreading it all over the carpet and Kate will vacuum it up and it'd be lost forever... I'll be lost forever too... My depression returned with vigour and I returned to my catatonic state. I stood under the water as it poured on me, getting into my eyes. Often that'd annoy and irritate them, but not now, I didn't feel anything. The simple thought of never seeing my family and friends again hurt me. Perhaps it was shock, 'cause I certainly felt empty at the moment.

I scratched gingerly at my groin. Depending what time it is now, right now would be my private time... I suppose every time is private time for me...But the last thing on my mind was wanking off. I groaned in despair and suppressed a half-sob, half-cough. I feel so pathetic. Was I so dependent on smoking pot and wanking? I hate the way I'm feeling. I want nothing more than to throw myself on a bed and cry with the covers all on. Still, to keep in routine, I gave myself a few experimental pulls; it still didn't make me feel better. I'm sick, I'm hungry and fed up with the whole thing. I want home, and I want it now.

The water was beginning to feel lukewarm, even with the cold tap turned tightly off. Even the cool water running down on top of me couldn't shake me from my stupor. Scout pounding on the door did the trick. He stuck his head in.

"Hey, you wanna hurry it up? I don't wanna wait outside while you perm your hairdo! Get going!"

I stared at him blankly in stunned silence as he retreated back.

"Fuuuuck...he came back." I muttered coldly.

I shut off the water and felt instantly cold. I ran my hands through my course, wet hair and shook off excess droplets of water off my limbs. I was beginning to like this Scout less and less. I have done nothing to him, I'm a polite man. But his attitude will be difficult for me to keep my temper. I suppose I'll just count to ten.

I ripped the now damp towel I left hung on the door and tried to pat myself dry. Wrapping the towel firmly around me, I waved the door open and approached at the mess of clothes I left on a bench. The air felt like ice as it seemed to blow onto me like the coastal winds. Does this bath have a fucking draft in it? Today blows. I looked down at the clothes given to me.

_Dressing will cheer me up_

The shirt was un-mistakenly the Scouts. It was the trademark RED colour, slim and made me consider if I'd even fit in the damn thing. But it was clean, nice smelling and it'd do for now. Quickly running it down my chest to catch any damp, I pulled it on. It felt tight on me, like some sort of cat suit and it showed the now-ever-so-present love handles I thought I didn't have. I stood in front of a mirror and sucked my belly in and out, watching in horror.

_Mah god... I have a beer gut. _

I put my jacket on again in attempt to hide my stomach. Scout must have the stomach of an Olympian God to fit loosely in this thing. I never considered myself fat, I'm a tall thin man, 90 stone... I got girlfriends and on a good day, I'd even consider myself drop dead handsome. That is what my mum says at least. But this shirt was plain unflattering to my shape.

I'll find a new shirt somewhere; they'll have to give me something else once I get settled in here- Christ, I'm already thinking about long term visitation.

The pants were an ugly grey colour; they reminded me of an old timey pair of the Soldier's cargo uniform. They didn't look bad; baggy, lots of pockets to hide things in and straps to hold weapons. Problem was that they were too short, making my outfit increasingly worse. Eyeing the poking contours of the fat on my midsection, I raised the pants up past my stomach above my hips, causing the hem of the pant legs to lead up way past my ankles and way above where my boots would be. I solved that problem by rolling up the bottoms up to my knees, creating a look a visiting touristy day-at-the-beach look. I'll call it the archaeologist.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked slightly better than this morning but still terrible; light brown rings under my pink eyes, brown stubble growing in various patches all over chin and neck. My hair was returning to its straighter stance, even without dandruff conditioner. I still wish I had a shave and toothpaste, but at least I showered.

Gathering my old clothes, I opened the door, allowing more of the fresh breeze to cover me. Scout was leaning against the opposite wall, crunching on an apple, like he never left. I noticed he didn't bring me one.

_Not much of nothing else my arse, I could've ate a whole bunch of apples. _

"Eyyy, looking good. Good thing you're not fat. Wait, I take it back, you got a gut on ya."

He poked me hard into my belly and laughed loudly, starting to walk away.

_Smart ass_

"Those? Jus toss em' in"

In one eerie fluid motion, he swiped my shirt and pyjamas from my hands and threw them into an open wall chamber. I saw them fall effortlessly into darkness; all I could do was watch in sheer terror. I had a terrible feeling like I was never going to see them again. Shame... I love my Mario pyjamas...another connection from my world now falling into the dark. Scout slammed the lid close and raised his arms in victory.

"YUS! Hole in one!"

And walked away like nothing happened. I opened the chute, they were gone.

_...He's a damn bully..._

I scowled and massaged my stomach as I followed Scout as he put his bat back onto his shoulder and marched down towards another pair of swing doors at the end of the hall.

I found we had come back to the common area, where the kitchen and living room were. The couch I called bed last night still had the slight indents of where I slept. Although it looked cold and uninviting in the sun light, I would gladly sleep on it again right now.

The kitchen looked how it did this morning. There was no evidence of food being made, but the over used coffee maker now lying in a sea of black water in the sink. The toaster was also missing among others; no one was to be found. With a group of presumed alpha males, you'd think they would be noticed all the time with all the humdinger and noise. But all I see is what's left of their entertaining antics left in an empty room. It was disappointing.

From what I thought, Scout was going to give me a grand tour of 2Fort!

Stalk around the dank, wet sewers looking for Spy-things; investigating the Intel room, uncovering secrets and conspiracy; Take me personally to where battles take place and try out different weapons. I grew excited; I couldn't wait for all the adventures we'll have!

I was terribly wrong.

We went back outside. At first, I thought he'd show me around the grounds and where they do hold battles, but all we- or I- did was follow Scout to an unknown location. As I noticed before, the real world of 2Fort looked drastically different from the official map in the game. I could see the BLU base from here, only separated by a deep channel dug into the ground. From my view, it was as massive as RED's, more factory like and had train tracks leading right along side of it.

A RED watch tower overlooked the BLU side, as much as it did its own. BLU didn't have a watchtower, but a water-well instead. I saw the BLU Sniper sitting on the rounded edge of their tall water tower with a Scout and a Demoman and a case of Pepsi. I saw the BLU Medic watching them from a lower window, shaking his head. He was obviously uncomfortable with them being up so high. Scout was yelling something to an unseen person below while Demoman uneasily adjusted his footing as he tried to follow their Sniper.

No one on BLU noticed us walked by and no one cared. It was just another day for them, no people materializing from alternate realities, no problems. I squinted; they looked so much like the RED team it was scaring me. I knew it was part of the game, but I'm still surprised no one notices... Scout did notice them though, scoffing gruffly as he threw his apple core into the channel and slamming his bat back on his shoulder. He eyed the tall, stork-like form of the Sniper climb higher on the roof and muttered darkly under his breath.

"I hope ta basterd falls of and snaps his neck off..."

"You have distaste for BLU Snipers I presume?"

What a stupid question

"Fuck I hate that ass. You know how many times he shot me in the legs while I had Intel? I bet that sicko enjoys it too, fucking macho-nisist."

"He's doing his job, like your Sniper."

"Naw, our Sniper is NOTHIN' compared to that guy, nothing... You taking BLU's side now?"

_Shit_

"I honestly don't know much about the war..."

"Well, you should... if you civvies knew half ta shit that goes around here, I'm sure none of ya would stand for it."

_...yeah why not._

We walked up a makeshift ladder that was acting for a pair of stairs and approached a porch looking area, past another Respawn room. Was he going to take me to Respawn? I hope so; I need someone to explain how the whole coming-back-to-life thing works.

Scout finally told me our schedule.

"So, I was instructed not ta take ya to any of the important, classified places. But 'cause I don't know what those places are, we just gunna sit in the courtyard for three hours."

_Oh goodie_

So, we sat on giant wood crates under the shade wood stairs circling around to two entrances. I was guessing that one had to lead to the basement where the Intel is.

It wasn't like there wasn't anything nice to look at either, not like Engie's garage where I can look at the landscape. There weren't anything but a plain, dust covered courtyard surrounded by a chain link fence and little desert plants that have been stomped on repeatedly.

It was getting hotter. From what I've found out online, we're located in or near New Mexico. I'm not used to hot weather, yet I welcome it. Nonetheless, I need large trees, water and rain to survive. I really hope Scout and I go inside soon.

I pulled out my carton of cigarettes with wobbly fingers, it was finally time.

"Smoke?" I asked politely towards Scout's direction.

"Naw"

I slid the filtered end of the tubular stick into my mouth and reached for my lighter-

Oh shit. It was gone.

"Scout, you have a light on you?"

Did I sound pleading and desperate?

"Uh, yeah, I should."

He trusted his fist into his side pocket. I heard different noises from there before he pulled out his fist full of objects; gum, a rock, candy wrappers, lint, loose change and a book of matches. He reminded me so much of those naughty children your parents think are bad influences- why does he have matches on him if he doesn't smoke?

"Thank you" I reached out for them

He pulled them away, a determined grin on his face. I almost lunged at them the second time before he finally handed them to me.

I did not thank him another time.

I at last lit a match. I watched the end of my smoke glow red as I inhaled deeply with a pleasurable shudder. I let the smoke in my lungs linger before releasing it in a slow sigh. I felt immediately better; tension that was collecting in bunches in my muscles relaxed. The pain in my stomach ceased, the pressure in my head lifted away like a balloon. I almost felt as if parts of my body were effortlessly floating... still would be great to have my stash with me.

I was peacefully enjoying the gentle moment... then Scout talked into my ear.

"Alright, you're from the future right?"

I shifted my eyes.

"Yeah... that's right, sure Iam."

Scout sat crossed-legged on the crate and leaned forward.

"So spill, what's it like? Besides that disease that ya can't eat food. Are there Killer robots? Invaders from Mars? Does RED win the war? What are girls like?"

I took a deep breath and coughed.

"Well, technology has advanced a great deal, robots are more versatile, but not murderous... no authentic proof of aliens yet. And girls are pretty much like girls here I suppose."

I went quiet. I hope Scout didn't notice how I skipped the RED war question; I still haven't decided what I should say about it yet. I really should think of something fast, I just knew they'd all interrogate me sooner than later about it. The Scout stared at me; I guess he thought I wasn't done explaining the future. His face shagged when he realized I was.

"Gawd! Is the future that boring?"

"Oh no! We got holdable music players, heated floors, solar panels, high definition everything, a space station in space-"

"Ya-huh, what about baseball?"

"I don't know, I don't play or watch."

"Dammit."

He pushed himself back onto the wall, annoyed.

"How about you Scout? Anything interesting about you?"

"Why?"

"I'm just making conversation, I don't like sitting in silence, it's my thing, I'm 24."

Scout scoffed

"Well, yore the one with all the past info, doncha know mah birthday or anything?"

Lielielielielielielielielie... and lie

"Well, I admit, my American history isn't to speed, but I do believe you grow up- I mean transform into a fearless leader of a large, majour political group where an almost utopian future is somewhat created."

Scout seemed intensely satisfied by that answer. With a thoughtful smile he leaned onto the wall.

"Heh... neat."

This was my chance to leak out more about the characters here; I should sweet talk more often.

"You know Scout, as much as your popularity is immense in my time-"

I paused. What was I saying?

"-what is the rest of the team like?"

Scout stretched his arms forward with a slight grunt.

"Well, Medic's a jerk. Heavy glares all the time and calls me baby-coward like it's the only bad word he knows. He's still badass in ta field and saved me a lot so he can't be that bad. Demoman's alright, but don't see him much outta battle, he's lives in the desert somewhere with his family. Sniper's weird but okay, Spy don't like me. I never see Pyro much, and if I do, he's with Soldier playing basket-rocket tennis. Soldier is the only one nice ta him."

"Sooooo... what IS the Pyro exactly?"

"Beats me, he could be an alien for we know. That's what Sniper thinks at least. He hates it when we call him a girl so I guess that's something he's not. It's not like ya can ask him either, he jus' mumbles like we can understand him."

"Never takes the mask off?"

"Nope, don know how he does it either. A bazillion degrees out and we got two guys wearing things over their heads. Them crazy."

"You wear hats don't you?"

"Well, yeah, no sweat. But ya gotta pay money for 'em and image one day ya go out and see ta otha Scout wear the same hat as you."

His face fell into one of shock and fear. I didn't know if that was a bad thing, I had to keep this going for information.

"Tell me about BLU then."

Scout's face grew animated with enthusiasm.

"Heh, well, their Spy is a real amateur, like real crappy at what he does. And he pretends he's da boss 'cause of all the high profile killin's and stuff he's done. I bet he got his position by sneaking into the Admin's bedroom if ya know what I'm saying.

Demoman's a real idiot, always drunk off his ass all the time. Spy says he's depressed an all 'cause he never knew his parents, but c'mon, he can't send three stickies without brawling and crying his eye out bout somthin'. Their Soldier is the freaking same, jus' crazy as a loon. He also HATES our Demoman, like really, really hates him. They had a huge war once, total destruction an' no one knows why either. He won though, but he really tries to avoid him during battle or else he goes freaking ballistic, screaming and waving around his freaking shovel around. The guy's crazy.

Pyro? Aw fuck, he's even worse then da Sniper and Soldier combined, real nut case. If anyone I'd not want to meet face to face on da field, it'd be him... not that I can't kick the shit outta him or nothin', he's just- Oh, and don't get me started on their Scout, ohh brother, that clown is a fucking joke. I've lost count of how many times I've kicked his scrawny ass to Respawn and back, a real loser.

Lemme seeee... their Medic's a pansy, a freaking flower. Can't hold a bonesaw right and always dies right away. Umm... their Engineer's nice like ours, I don't get to see him much unless he sets up near Intel or a control point. Trades me beer for used batteries sometimes. I dunno what he does with em'... I hope he's not making a super weapon or somethin'. Although he's nice an' all, he always tries to pry info bout our Engie. Like his name and stuff, but he won't get Intel from me that's for damn sure, not for all the cases of beer in the world."

He scratched his head thoughtfully

"Uhh... I think that's it..."

He forgot Heavy, but I let it go. The man liked to talk... that was good for me.

I thought of all things I could tell them, all the things I can fabricate and twist to my own universe. Strange scenarios played in my mind; considering what movies are still on Kate's laptop and Engineer would let me show everyone, I could show them a clip of Transformers and give a chilling rendition of the Skynet incident. Immediately, I knew that was a bad idea. I reminded of what I told myself in the closet, not to create controversy and trouble here. Just go with things, be normal and get through this alive. I had to take the safe route with this, who knows what could happen.

Again, we sat in silence. Everyone once in a while, I would look over at my host; he looked even more bored then I did with his eyes half lid with a pouty scowl. He's the Scout for Christ's sake, why isn't he drinking bonk and performing double jumps? So in an odd twist of kindness and benevolence on my part, I offered to play catch with him, an invitation he graciously took.

It was something I bitterly told myself to regret as I followed him right in the middle of the harsh sun. A slight breeze would blow sometimes, but would just cover my freshly washed body with a layer of dust. With only one mitt, the Scout ordered that I 'grab my hand and move with the ball as I catch it', and some other thing I didn't understand until he threw his ball as hard as he can at me. I shouted in surprise and dodged it like it was Baron Mauschasen's cannon.

Since my experience with baseball is limited and because of my hangover, I failed at nearly every catch, running like a dolt many meters to catch up with it. From one of the times I ran after the ball like a four year old who wasn't big enough to play with the big kids, I spied the RED Heavy and Pyro watching from the windows in the towers. I pretended not to see them.

At every failure, he'd whine that I sucked, and that the wall was a better catcher then I was. I couldn't help but agree, but he didn't have to be such a twat about it, reminding me every pass. I wish I could drop kick his stupid ball through a BLU window to teach him a lesson, but he probably would have bashed my head in like promised. Scout gave up trying to make me into a baseball champion in 5 minutes and we sat back lazily down onto the crates.

The sun moved, so now it was directly to our left. Us hidden under the stairs were perfectly shaded against its hot rays. It was boring.

I reached for another cigarette; although this was my second, I felt like I was depilating my resource. I remembered the days of my youth when I'd run through packs of these things in the matter of hours. I'm glad I'm a little more wilful and didn't smoke as much, or else this pack would have been long gone by now. I didn't know how long I'd be here, so I must keep an eye on my smoking habit.

I pondered at this thought. Engie would most defiantly give me another pack if I asked, or the Spy, or the Demoman, Sniper or Soldier. Although I can't see most of them sharing them. I wondered what the others were doing... the Engineer is either working on Medic's weapon or taking apart the laptop. I screwed my eyes shut thinking about it. I'm sure right now he was banging away at it, parts flying everywhere, putting a torch to it, scratching the cover.

I stuck my smoke in harshly into my mouth and fumbled to light it. I tried to remember my last moments before being whisked away.

Sitting in the cool rain, sipping on fruit smoothies. The thick, stench of marijuana filling the wet air. Snuggling my arms under the folds of my jacket-coat with a sigh, just sucking on my joint.

My coat... wait, didn't I put it in my upper shoulder pocket inside the flap of my coat?

Angels sang, I remembered putting my bag I put in the inner pocket of my coat! Why didn't I think of it before! Lord, Jackson your brain is fired! I knew that they had it last night, of course they would have checked and looked in it for Intel or fusion bombs and such... but there could be a chance it might be there, if they found it, they would defiantly mentioned it.

Because of the rising heat, I left my thick coat draped next to me on the giant crate. Paranoid thoughts swirled inside, I couldn't just burrow into my jacket, the Scout would know that I'm hiding something. So, to prevent suspicion from Scout, I placed the heavy hot thing back on. Of course, THAT attracted attention anyway. The Scout looked at me bewildered, his mouth slowly curving into a confused glower. I waited a minute, pretending everything was fine with my giant coat on, Scout staring at me with large eyes.

"Aren't ya hot?"

_What's wrong? Can't I put on my coat in the blazing sun? _

"...yes..."

I swore at myself for making myself look like a crazy person for items I may not even have. Scout returned back to staring forward into space with a sad shrug. Here is my chance. Slowly, my right hand made its way up my sleeve to touch my shoulder pocket. I felt the dull metallic corner of my tea-tin through the fabric. I swear my heart almost stopped, hope was ignited! I would get high tonight! Oh Jackson, so thrill to get a pleasurable high out of a terrifying yet dull adventure.

But I couldn't risk taking it out now, Scout would want to know what it is and then he'd beat me up for it and tell the others. I turned to Scout, he had his eyes closed, and he looked like he was in pain being still for so long. I pity him, but just a tiny bit. He wasn't a smoker, but he didn't mind others around him doing so. Would he be one to share and keep my secret?

I continued to stare at him. With a mouth like his, no, I believe not.

I could wait after all. Pryo would most defiantly take it to the grave since no one could understand him anyway. I smiled like I was conducting an evil scheme, yes; I'll wait longer, just longer. If I waited enough, I'd get my chance to go through my cunning plan. I smiled gleefully; this place wasn't going to be so bad after all.

"Well, it's been about 2 houras. Let's get to Snipey, it's his turn."

Scout hopped off his crate and walked a few paces

"C'mon slowpoke!"

I followed with a slight spring in my step. Sure, I was bored, hungry and bored and I wanted nothing more but to curl up somewhere and smoke. But now I was happy.


	13. Jack's Fixations

**Jackson's fixations**

_I can't think of a better title, think of a better one for me. Seriously, help a man out please.  
_

_Been having trouble writing cos' of moving to a whole new country. So forgive me if these seemed farted out because writing this silly story seems to be the only thing keeping me sane at the moment._

_This chapter is for a majour rewrite once I get my computer station setted up and I've settled. In fact, I think Chapter One is due for a rewrite as well. It's the shittiest one done so far. _

_Do what you want._

* * *

We approached the spindly posts of the watchtower, adjacent to the BLU water tower, now missing most of its members. I still saw BLU Sniper however, perched way up on it's very top, and he looked like he desperately wanted down. Scout chuckled darkly at the Sniper in trouble before he motioned to the ladder with his thumb.

"Just go on up."

"You not coming?"

"Later, I'm hungry."

He seemed to forget that I hadn't had anything all day besides a nibble of toast I swallowed at six in the morning. Well, it could be that he didn't know that, but I personally think it's because he forgets that I'm a human being too.

Scout was already off towards the RED base, leaving me alone with one foot on the first bar of the ladder. I looked up, I was very hungry... perhaps Sniper has food up there? He seemed nice last night, although he and I didn't interact directly. I could wander towards to the garage to see Engineer, but I'm sure he's tired of me already. I do have other options, like I could also go around and discouver this place for myself. Yet I can't risk being caught by Soldier or some other and accused of being a Spy... Still, I still wanted to see the base since Scout failed to show me around like promised.

I took a fresh breath of confidence, I stood straight and removed my leg leaving the rungs of the wooden ladder and began to walk away. I was my own man and I wasn't going to be bossed around that easily. Besides, perhaps they will admire my boldness.

I strolled casually towards the large face of the RED base, looking out towards the dusty plains of the desert wild. I saw a train out in the distance; it was too far to make out if it was coming towards us, or away. The sun grew harsh against me as I squinted out; I wouldn't want to be out there right now, far away from the bases.

I lingered, something out there in the distance caught my eye. A blurry, small figure- no three figures, out in the heat waves from the hot sand. The figures looked exactly like monkeys... were those monkey's I see? I froze, my hand reaching up to my eyes to shield my eyes to get a better look. Yes, those where defiantly monkey shapes dancing out in the heat I'm seeing out there. I blinked and tore my head away and walked slightly faster to the cooler and pleasantly darker insides of RED base.

_Don't ask, don't tell_

I found myself back where I was the first night I came here; a warehouse. This must be where they receive shipments, for giant crates with words stencilled across the sides covered the ground with no one loading them up inside. Walking through the maze of shipments, names catching my eye, I noticed a gargantuan something; a large window, exposing a chasm of rows of computers along with a huge, black screen in the front. I stood, my sweaty fingers smudging the thick, clean glass; I was confused. They have this workspace yet puzzled by a simple laptop? Either they are very stupid or very blind. I pulled myself away, there didn't appear to be a simple door to get into, so I continued to explore the various crates- Lo and behold; a crate of apples among many other giant boxes. They must have been one to have been delivered this morning. I yanked the already torn bored off the top, yes, a crate chalked filled with large, shiny, ruby red apples.

More excited than a fat boy who sees chocolate, I helped myself. I forgot momentarily my fears and paranoia, I forgot about where I was, I forgot about Soldier, all I wanted was to get my fingers on an apple. I stuffed one each into my pockets for later and snatched one in my hand to devour one into my mouth. Licking the sweet apple juice from that large bite of my apple, I sat upon an unopened crate with the words "AMMO" stencilled on its sides. The apple was the most delicious thing I ever ate, it was crisp, tart and sweet and once and I could barely contain my excitement when I realized things were finally going my way here.

I tenaciously took my legs to sit crossed legged on the massive crate-thing, and decided to look at my stash for inspection. Laying the apple on its unbroken flesh side, I pulled the zipper of my coat with ancipitation to gently remove the black, soft velvet bag from my pocket. I untied the simple knot and opened the pouch to relieve my old tea tin; I sighed in relief to see everything was still here. My lighter, my plastic bag of green gold, papers, sewing scissors- A ready-made joint caught my eye as I congratulated myself for thinking ahead. Opening the tin, I looked over my stash of marijuana; I had enough for at least three more fun times. Depending how long I'll be stuck here, I could either somehow find someone to buy more from, or really ration them out.

_I'm such a pothead_

I sighed bitterly and took another bite of my apple. I wasn't really proud of asking for more help, so I wasn't going to ask anyone to take me out to buy drugs. And I also don't have any money. Gathering my nerves, I decided to make my way back to the crow's nest to meet Sniper. I lighted up another cigarette. I had a wonderful feeling about smoking here; it was the 60's when everyone smoked. I could smoke at ease with no one staring ruefully at me and telling me to jog off.

I found myself back at the posts holding up the sniper's nest. Smoke held with my teeth, belly full, courage rejuvenated, I started climbing the wood ladder towards the base of the house. Praying quietly that I wouldn't get vertigo, I stopped suddenly when I realized a closed trapdoor blocked my path. Awkwardly, I squeezed the bars of the ladder with legs and my left hand while using my free right one to test the door. I hoped that he didn't put something top of it as I pushed harder and harder until it swung open suddenly with a squeaky creak. Shutting my eyes so dust and dirt and wood bits didn't get in them, I peeked through the square door; it was darkish and dusty inside. I pulled myself weakly through, trying desperately not to fall back out. Crawling and clutching the sides of the door for dear life, I left the door open to sit uncomfortably on the floor of the Snipers tree house. I looked around, it was Sniper-less. It was a yet darker version of the Snipers hangout from "Meet the Spy." And I thought that place looked dark and dank. Yet, this one looked homey, like someone was comfortably living here, but it still sent dark shudders up my spine.

Boreds and bits of wood planks of all colours, shapes, sizes and style covered every inch of the windows with sunlight falling through the cracks, creating long streaks upon the floor. Empty jars stacked up in a cardboard box underneath where was once a full window among piles of books and magazines about UFO's and aliens stacked up next to the corner near a large pile of comforters and pillows. Weapons of all classes were hanging on the walls, shotguns, pistols, Bowie knifes and shells of rockets, some crusted with remains of blood. I couldn't figure whether they were there for everyday use or twisted versions of trophies he's been collecting. I found myself standing in the corner next to a coffee maker, the pot still half-filled with warm, dark fluid sat on a crate next to a ratty, plastic lawn chair.

It smelled odd too. Not a bad smell, but I could only define it as the pure scent of un-diluted man-hood. I nodded with approval; this was the perfect set-up of a man's life. Forget my older cousin's basement full of rock posters and video games consoles. I always believed that was the most topmost point of a man's independence, yet looking at this room, I would take this life any day.

My head jerked to my left as I heard banging, banging from OUTSIDE the bloody windows. I stood quiet, watching as one of the boreds on the windows rip and swing open and seeing the RED Sniper tenaciously gripping onto the exterior and roof of the crow's nest. Sweating, grunting a slightly panting, he was eerily cat like, crawling down from the roof and heaving himself through the window, rifle in one hand. He landed on his stomach with a grumble and awkwardly scraped his long legs from under himself to crouch and to peer out of the new window. He muttered quietly and aimed his gun out carefully and waited. What the hell was he doing? It was clear he was in game mode, but who was he fighting against? Engie told me they only fight during scheduled fight days, was he hunting birds? He looked very busy shooting out the window but I could just sit here waiting for him to be done. Nor could I just leave, that'd be stupid. I ask merely for information and he didn't notice me yet. So I took a chance, stepped forward until I was behind him and called out.

"*Ahem* What-ho Sniper!"

He spun around, a fiery anger ablaze behind his piss-coloured sunglasses.

"Holy jesus bloody godamn hell! GEET DOWN!"

He leapt up, his gun landing to its side as he grabbed the loose lapels of my massive coat and dragging me down with him. I could only collapse with his entire body weight pinning me to the floor. We both landed on the ground painfully with a shout as his giant hands gripped my shoulders rather painfully before he hissed in my ear.

"STAY! DOWN!"

I obeyed, I was now too afraid to move. I had no idea what was going on.

He let me go by rolling off me and crawling back towards the window to stick the barrel of his gun through a carved hole. His hat fell off when he attacked me, exposing his shiny messy and greasy-looking black hair. Sweat on his brow fortunately didn't constrict his eyesight as he aimed and fired. The shot was loud; the small room seemed to amplify it. I jumped slightly, bullets were loader then I thought. I hope I'm not startled all the time from them. It was far from over though as he was muttering, angrier this time, as he re-loaded; something about "quality and conditioning and wankas"

I did nothing but lay there. I could feel the apple I put in my right pocket leaking juice; I bet it has bruises all over it now.

Another mighty shell shot filled the air and there was silence. None of us moved, until Sniper finally peaked out of the window and stood straight up. He ran a hand under his hat, his face a mixture of shock and exhaustion.

"Well...Piss... I really got 'im this time"

Sniper was red in the face and was still sweating, but it looked like he was taking his hangover much better than I was. Me however, my head was still swimming especially after being thrown on the ground again. So, I was still in the position he left me; flat and terrified on the floor. Sniper stood over me, giving me an apologetic grin.

"Eh, sorry 'bout that."

He offered a hand, which I took before he helped me up and guided me to the lawn chair next to the coffee maker.

"Th' other Sniper thought he could pick me off from the water tower. Had ta teach 'im a lesson, been sitting on ta roof for houras."

I nodded; I must have still looked petrified, because he looked slightly embarrassed.

"Coffee? Or tea? I think I gotta tea strainer somewhere 'ere."

"No thank you..." I replied politely. I wrung my hands into my coat; I guess I was still trembling.

Sniper nodded, and made his way to the coffee maker next to me.

"Next time ya visit, give a shout out 'fore ya git up here, 'specially when there's otha snipers out there."

I nodded; I wasn't sure how to comment on that. Never in my life, have I been manhandled so many times over and over in the same few days. I had a feeling like I was going to have to get used to that fact.

I noticed a Huntsmen and a Razorback in a cluttered pile of tools, wires, metal and other building materials. The Razor back was leaning against the wall while a car battery and many unhooked cables; it looked desecrated.

"You working on that?" I asked, trying to start polite conversation.

I was hoping that Sniper was a better man to talk to then the Scout was. I don't know what exactly we could talk about though... Sniper was making another pot of coffee to top his mug as he glanced over to the partially destroyed weapon.

"Yea, it's a Razorback. Its jus Mann Co tryin' to influence western society with ole fakes from Aboriginal culture. I customise it meself, with a car battery. Gives the Spy a little surprise if he tries stabbing me in the back, tha wanker. But, like a Spy, he never learns, I gotta replace the damn thing every time he breaks it..."

"Mum has one like it hanging in her living room."

That's a half truth, she does have one but it's a lot smaller, has a different print and she bought it from the department store. Sniper gave a dark grin and a chuckle as he went to opposite sides of the room, beside the window he created.

"Heh, not bloomin' likely."

"It's from the shop, for decoration."

"Oh..."

He unfolded another plastic chair to sit in it, sighing as he relaxed and the chair squeaking as he positioned it. His #1 Sniper mug was nestled in his hand, his long damn legs spread out in front before glazing lazily at his watch.

"Honestly weren't expecting you fer a while. I guess last bloke who got you last got tired of you."

My anger rose slightly inside.

"It was Scout." I said flatly.

Sniper nodded

"There ya go."

He stretched his legs out more as he kept sliding lower in his chair. I did the same, this was much better than sitting in the middle of the burning sun on dusty crates. This was much better, as a coolish breeze circulated the room from the window Sniper made. I relaxed further and finally removed my hot coat from my sweaty body and took out the second, now bruised apple from my right pocket.

"So, Guildford huh?"

I tossed the apple carefully in my hands.

"Yeah, born and everything there."

"I was in London fer a bit once. I was arrested for standing up to a bunch of muggers and didn't even git me stuff back. Bloody pigs..."

"I only been to London a few times... never got in an altercation though."

"Eh"

Silence fell between us. I was miserable once more; this was turning into a common thread, sitting in an awkward period of time. I refuse to let this fail like being with Scout did. I thought of things to talk about, shan't be too hard, I just don't mention RED, BLU, the admin or anything video game related.

Yet I thought of nothing.

Sniper is interesting for Christ's sake! I should being yapping his ear off about shooting or hunting or Australia! But all I could think of was:

_BruceBruceBrucean'Bruce_

Sniper didn't look bored though. He licked his lips, looking around the room; his glaze fell on a cooler. Instead of waiting for me to initiate conversation, he did it for me.

"Wanna beer"

Beer in the middle of the afternoon? I knew right there and then, that I was going to get along fine with Sniper. Alas, my vow I made early that morning flashed back into my mind when I remembered how much I drink when I'm in anxiety.

"Not now." I answered. I still decided to keep my options open; I refuse to not be flexible when there is beer involved.

"Heard ya got pitched with Heavy afer I gone an left. I knew having a civvie around would keep things interesting."

"I wasn't THAT drunk..." I lied, "And he really didn't beat me, it was only a 5 shot difference between us."

"Heh, that was 'im being easy on ya. Heavy likes ta boast, but he ain't one to embarrass someone jus cos he knows yer wrong."

"Well... still I wasn't drunk."

Sniper chucked and shrugged.

"Eh, doesn't matter. Want one?"

I stared at the open carton of smokes we held out for me. I was in fact going to reproduce my own pack and have a smoke myself, until I suddenly remembered.

"Well, actually... you wouldn't have any-"

I thought of how I could phrase it

"Do you... have any rolling papers on you?"

_Yes, good idea me_

He look back at me sceptically, with his smoke held firmly in his lips as he felt around the pockets of his vest for I presume his lighter... it was like he knew.

"Yeeeeeeesss? Why? You roll yer own fags?"

I winced. I knew what he meant, but it was still a shock to hear the term used.

"It's pronounced "cigarettes" and I sorta do."

I removed my bag to show its insides. I carefully watched the Snipers face, so far, it hasn't changed.

"A pipe would be good too."

Me feeling a little more confident, I removed my baglet to show Sniper my secret.

Snipers face didn't look angry, perhaps a little confused. At first, I thought the Sniper would get cross for me being so patronizing, but his face screwed up into roaring, rasping laughter as soon as he removed his smoke from his lips.

"Ah gawd... gawd that's rich"

I frowned, I didn't like being teased, or mocked or patronized. But at least he wasn't angry.

"What's so funny?"

"Ole Solly was right! You are a Hippy!"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes and stare annoy at the Sniper who was now gasping for breath.

"I thought hippies also live in vans?"

Sniper stopped laughing

"It's NOT a van."

He pondered. I thought he would be a bit offended by that comment, but instead he shrugged.

"Eh, touché."


	14. Kate finaly comes home from her date

**Kate comes home from a bad date**

_Kate returns! How will she react to a dark empty flat with the dishes not done? Oh and her brother is missing or something... _

_Oh gods... the Fanfiction gods will be displeased indeed._

* * *

Kate held her cell phone close to her ear.

"Ey?"

Kate shuddered and winced to hear that raspy, obnoxious voice once again. She honestly hoped that her last encounter with that horrible voice at the christmas play was her last. Kate never did approve of whom Jackson made friends with... Nontheless, she repeated what she just said.

"Hello, err, this is Kate. Is this Brian? I'm looking for Jackson."

"Who idit?"

"Kate."

Silence. Kate decided to elaborate.

"Jackson's sister. You know where he is?"

"Sister? Jackson doesn't have a sister."

"I'm the one who picks him up from your house sometimes-"

It sounded like Brian was muttering to someone next to him. Kate looked out the window to the patio, hoping her brother wasn't passed out in the garden. Finally, Brian started talking again much to her dislike.

"Whoa waidamintie! YER his sister? Gahed dammit, we thought yer the chick he's been shaggin around with! "

The deep voice laughed, she could hear a faint chorus of laughter and snickers in the background

"Ah hell, no wonder he look shited when I asked how you where in bed!"

Obnoxious laughter continued. Kate raised her voice slightly and firmly.

"Is Jackson there?'

"Eh? No, last saw him oooooon..."

More muttering.

"Ta other night I think... Why? Didnit he come home?"

"He did, he's just not here now. I'm just wondering if he went to a friend's house."

"Huh... well, he's not here though. Tell him to gimme a ring when you find him right?"

"I will" she said, eager to get off the phone.

"So luv, what are ya doin later?"

She hang up.

Kate sighed deeply and leaned on the kitchen table with on of her cool hands pressed hard against her forehead. She was developing another headache, the second one she had that night. She fixed her staring at her older brother's outdoor flipflops tossed aside near the back door. She got home just an hour ago, the house was dark, cold and smelled like stale emptiness when she came home. A half drunken smoothie sat on Jacks workstation at the computer was only evidence that her brother was alive that day. She had no clue to where her brother could be; Jackson wouldn't have left without his shoes, nor without his wallet...let a alone a note. All she wanted was to change into her night clothes, eat custard and watch her progrums in peace.

She shouldn't have left the house period. He was going through his moods lately; he was emotional, he was fragile, he could never take stress. She hated feeling guilty though, he was older then she is, she should not have to act like his second mother. But how could she go around it? If she never left the house for fun, he would call her a shut-in hermit. If she told him she went on a blind date, Jackson would make fun of her for going on with a stranger

She wasn't desperate, she wasn't lonely, she need experience. Simple as that.

And knowing her brother , if he would either way mock her for having a boyfriend or not having one, he'd certainly make fun of her for going on a blind date.

Could he be at friends' house? He would have left a note then. Her brother was somewhat irresponsible but he always made sure everyone knew what he was up too. That's why she pulled out her cell phone and looked for the name "Brian Moorie" on her contacts. She sighed again in frustration with the failed attempt of calling his stupid friends, and went to her bedroom to change. Passing his empty bedroom to enter her own, she stumbled on some loose rug and switched on the light.

Her laptop was gone.

When she comes to her room, it was the first thing she would see; her black, personal laptop her dad bought her for Christmas sitting closed on her green bedsheets. But now, it was missing.

"Fucking- what the hell?"

Things in her life where gone; her brother and her personal computer. She thought they must be connected.

Kate fell into a spell of panic, annoyance and fear

She thought of different scenarios of what could have took place while she was out; a thief broke into their flat, took her laptop and took Jackson for ransom. Jackson stole it as collateral and is running around town to pay off a debt or his best mate will rob a curry house.

Horrified, she whipped out her cell before stopping herself. Perhaps she is over reacting, maybe she should wait a hour or two, it's only ten in the evening. He might have took it or perhaps she packed it away in her bag and he went out for drinks. She pressed her hand and her cellphone firmly on her forehead again; how she wished for more information.

So, she sprinted to the living room to go on Jackson's computer.

She squinted in frustration and leaned back after pressing the monitor button and seeing only a black screen. Waving the mouse around awkwardly and pressing random keys. She gave up, in favour of leaning back into her seat and rubbing her temples in irritation. This whole thing was taking a toll on her, as she began to feel achy and sick. Her ears rag slightly, she tried to stand on shakey legs. Something was wrong... she felt wrong...

Terribly wrong

_DUNDUNDUN_

_I'm sorry..._


	15. BONUS Jackson VS Saxton

**BONUS; Jackson VS Saxton**

_I was having a drink the other night, when I had an epiphany. Lightening just struck my brain... it hurt like hell, but it made me think of what would happen... *pause for dramatic effect* if Saxton Hale made an appearance?_

_I think it would go something like this;_

* * *

The Sniper, The Scout and I were having tea under the cool shade of the roof of Sniper's crow's Nest. With the expulsion of the BLU Sniper, the windows were always open nowadays. All but one side of the nest. Sniper didn't tell me why he re-boarded one side, but I assume it was for his own intentions.

It was fortunate that I recently introduced them to the wonders of tea... by that, I was the only one drinking it, Scout was drinking his BONK! (He refused to give me a taste) and the Sniper was sipping of his decaf, reading the paper.

All was well, until something in the corner caught my eye as I scanned through the surrounding area to rummage through.

"What's this?"

I held up a vibrantly coloured comic book that I ripped from under the many skinmags and newspapers that was stored up there and read out loud the title.

"The wonderful, unquestionable adventures of Saxton Hale?"

I fell into a stunned silence.

"Blimey, he's real too?"

Scout and Sniper looked up alarmed. They never looked this attentive before. Sniper blinked his wide eyes in confusion.

"O'course he is! Wut you never 'eard of the mighty Saxton Hale? The poster boy for his own company? The only man in existence to skydive off the peak of Mount Everest? The wholy defintion of the word 'MAN'"

"And positively dreamy!" Scout sighed happily, leaning on his chin.

Before, I would have never dared to look at Scout the way I just did. But I couldn't help but stare at him dumfoundly with a trace of confusion and horror. Scout stammered to correct himself.

"I mean, I'm not a fruit or nothin'-"

"But you're willing to swim for the other team if he offered?"

"HELL no... but this guy, He's the kicks. I bet he'd play a damn good game of baseball too." Scout chipped, holding up the comic book close to his face.

I scoffed, I've had man-crushes before, but this was ridiculous. I crossed my arms and slouched.

"Pah... he doesn't look that great."

Scout and Sniper gasped in horror and instantly recoiled away. Sniper waved his arms in panic, his face full of fear; Scout scampered in a flash towards me, clamping his hand over my mouth. He tasted like salt and clean linen.

"SHUSH! He'll hear you!" Scout hissed, his head darting everywhere. Sniper stood up, looming over me, his voice low and fearful.

"You better watch wot you say mate, Saxton has ways of knowing."

I slapped Scout's hand away and retook my stance.

"He can't hear me. Besides, what will he do? Beat up any man who dislikes him."

"That never stopped him yet." Sniper whisphered darkly.

"This is ridiculous! No wonder you all respect him, you're scared of him! Well I'm not afraid of a two dimensional comic book character. I don't like Saxton Hale. There, I said it; I'll say it again if I need to."

The instant those words escaped my chapped lips, a distant rumble echoed from the mountains, the Sniper's nest shook violently. Miles away, we could hear the combinations of car horns, buildings falling down, brakes screeching, people screaming, birds squawking in terror before fading. The rumbling grew louder and louder, the quakes increased severely. And then, a great explosion erupted to the left of us, from the boarded up wall that the Sniper decided just yesterday to make up for no reason but to have a wall there. We were all flung to the other side of the nest.

And there, through the bright light from outside, the fog, smoke, and debris, a majestic form of a 6 foot tall mammoth of a man stood proudly in front of a perfect man shaped hole.

Scout and Sniper held their hands to their faces and squeed in a high pitch voice in unison

"Saxton Hale!"

It was Saxton Hale, THE Saxton Hale!

He gave a charming smile displaying his perfect, pearly, white teeth as he tipped his hat. His pecs shone with a slight sheen, the hairs on his chest looked like soft velvet, but bristley like wires. His musk filled the room instantly, a scent garenteed to remain for years to come, proof that once a grand man of importance had once stood resided there. He wore simple cut up jeans displaying short but muscular legs that were most definatly too small for his body, but looked good all the same.

He stepped in, filling the room up with his girth.

"G'day mates. Heard someone has a bone to pick with me, so I ran all the way here to kick some mouthy bum. Now which one of you is going to have a bad day?"

Scout and Sniper instantly scooted away from me; I was still staring in paralyzed shock at the Hale-shaped hole in the wall.

"How did you do that?"

"Breakfast steaks and swamp water rafting."

"That is FASCINATING! I've seen it, but never actually SEEN it before my very eyes! How aren't you hurt? Did you leap from an airplane?

Saxton chuckled heartily, his smile never ending.

"All will be explained in due time young fan, but at the moment, I have to wrestle endangered, albino, Tiger-bears and kill a disgruntled costumer. And I just killed all endangered, albino, Tiger-bears."

I figeted nervoulsy at that statement.

"Oh, that would be me then."

"YOU! Well then, this will be easier then crashing into random walls all afternoon. I challenge you to a death-match."

Scout clung to a thick, muscular limb, yanking at the belt of the mountain of a man.

"Please Mr. Hale! He's from the future! Have pity!"

"ME! Have pity? Ohohoh! You make me laugh puny man. Here, have an untested certified dangerous weapon of murder and torture. "

Scout accepted the gift, his face shining in pure happiness and admiration.

"Gee, thanks Mr. Hale!" Scout clutched the epic weapon,barely containing his pleasure.

Sniper looked heartbroken. He looked back and forth from Scout to Saxton.

"Why don' I git one?"

"Oh, I'm sorry mate. Here, I have another one in my pocket."

"Ahem?"

Saxton turned to me.

"Wot?"

"Our epic death-match?"

"Ah yes, if you refuse to fight me, I'll rip your head from its skull. If you accept, I'll also rip your head from its fleshy prison."

"You can't be serious? I don't want to fight you. You just ran all the way from Australia, aren't you tired?"

"Tired? ME? Ha! I'm unstoppable. I'm Saxton Hale! I don't get the mail! The mail comes to me!"

I couldn't believe he just said that.

"You are a sodding cad if I ever saw one."

"Enough speech, we fight at sundown, which is 7 minutes and 13 seconds past 6 o'clock."

He pointed a thick finger at my chest

"I'll see YOU in the courtyard."

He stepped backwards, back into his Hale-shaped hole and was gone. I turned to Scout and Sniper, who were still admiring their new weapons. I sighed at their lack of concern for my safety.

"I don't have any hope do I?"

"Nunna..."

"None whatsoever."

Sundown came faster than I thought it would. It took quite a while to explain to the others what happened, mainly because I had to explain in exact detail of what it was like to be in the same room with the Saxton Hale, the world champ of Croc wreastling. When I told them that we were to battle at sundown to the death, all the others could think was that he was going to come back and were gather metal and scrap to have him autograph.

I hontestly didn't know what to think. I should be afraid for my life, but all I was thinking was how silly this all was

Soon, all of us gathered in the courtyard. Sniper and Demoman produced a large tub of ice to put beer and Scrumpy in. They were really turning this into a party, despite the fact that this was a horribley unfair fight.

All but Heavy managed to show up, with only a message from the Spy that he had a headache. The BLU team were present too too, watching from their side of the chain link fence, holding binoculars and telescopes to get a view of the battle. Scout stated that they should take them out before the fight started as Saxton bursted through a third story window above us and landed with grace right in front of me with a loud thud. The RED and BLU teams cheered.

"THERE! Exactly is 7 minutes and 13 seconds past 6 o'clock on the dot."

"Are you OCD Saxton?"

"Nope, I just keep my word, that's the MANN CO way. I never lie. And it says in the code of the MANN CO weaponry that if someone has a problem, they speak to ME personally. Personally to my fists that is."

"I'm not an employee of RED, I never had one of your weapons."

"You're not?"

"Nope"

"You never once had purchused a MANN Co weapon or asscessory?"

"Nope, just a tourist."

"Oh... Well, I'm going to beat the snot out of you anyway. Prepare to die hippy!"

He put up his fists and came towards me. I made a strange sqawking noise from the back of my mouth. This was it, he was going to kill me, and no one is doing anything to stop it.

"YOU!"

Saxton stopped and turned his head.

"Eh?"

Heavy came from behind the crowd of his fellow teammates, pointing at Saxton.

"YOU! Yes YOU! YOU ARE DED!"

"Who is this water buffalo? I like the cut of his jib."

"I am Heavy weapons guy! No one can beat me! You're not as gud as you think!"

"Heh, o'right then. Let's see what you're made out of then mat-"

Heavy Weapons Guy swung a sinlge punch straight into the middle of Saxton Hales gorgeous face. Saxton flew backwards about 5 feet feet away on his back with a horendous crack. He didn't move, laying silently in the dust and gravel. Heavy flung his massive gorilla-like arms into the air in triumph with a proud yell. We all gasped.

"I KILL ALL AUSTRALIAN SHOWOFF BABIES! All but Sniper, he is gud friend."

"Aw, thanks mate."

Saxton didn't look hurt. He laid spralled out in the dust, staring out into the sky, his eyes wide in shock. I approached him hesitantly and stood over him before he sat up in a flash. I jumped back as he sat there, emotionless before he screwed his face in pain and his eyes welled in tears before he hid them from view with his hands.

"Oh BOOHOOHOOO!"

"Saxton, why are you crying?" I asked.

Saxton sniffed and wiped his eyes with a red hankie, "I just had an epiphany... the true reason for my cockiness and pure existence. It's just; I'm so much in love with Helen, but she never notices me! I always thought, if I fight people, compete for the best, killing large animals all the time, she'd know that I was doing it for her and return my love. But all it does is makes me run place to place to punch out thin whiney wankers... I did it all for her admiration and... to be frank, her attention. Even if it wasn't what she wanted. My life work, my life, my achivements... I feel... are all for nothing..."

He looked up at me with massive puppy dog eyes, looking for solace.

I had pity. With a hesitant hand, I softly petted his hard, massive shoulder

Fast as a lightening, he suddenly lept up to grab me into a rough bear hug. For a moment, I thought his brief period of sadness was a ruse and he just wanted my guard down so he could snap my spine into two. I sure felt my spine snapping, but also felt thick globs of tears roll down my back as he held me close.

"Why won't she be mine?" He whispered.

Heavy patted Saxton on his back with slight force, he looked mournful.

"Da, truth hurts no?"

Saxton dropped me on the ground and gave his attention to Heavy Weapons Guy.

"How do you do it mate? You seem to have your inner yen, and yet you're as powerful as I am!

"Da YUS! Her name, is Sasha. She is ever faithful and is all I need."

Saxton smiled and put his hands on his hips.

"Huh, I really hope I find a sheila like yours one day."

"You vill find your Sasha, but you won't find her vith blood of puny, baby men all over fists."

Saxton put his finger on his chin and stood in thought for a moment before he lighted up in glee.

"You're right mate! I need to stop trying to prove myself over an' over. I KNOW I'm the best, I'll just prove myself for fun from now on. What I have to do is find out what I really want, then go tell her how I feel."

He sighed happily.

"Wowsers, I feel great! All this talking really does help, and to think, I thought killing others only solved your problems."

I rolled up with a grunt as he talked and dusted myself off.

"Well, keep at it Mr. Hale, I'm sure it's work out eventfully. But for now, Star Trek is on."

"Yes, I must be off! I hear my telephone in my office ringing."

Saxton, with a single bound lept up onto a large bolder to pose himself against the setting sun.

"So long mates! And keep buying from Mann Co! Check yer local supplier for details!

He tipped his hat with a wink and roared "SAXTON HAAAAAAALE!" as he sped off into the distance, running over the chainlink fence and crushing the entire BLU team in a dustcloud of dirt and smoke. We all gathered over the bloody carcesses of the formor BLU team as we smiled and waved to the decreasing figure heading towards the horizen.

Then we retreated to the cool inside of the RED base and watched Star Trek.

The End.


	16. Rocket Man

**Rocket Man**

_I got some time off and nothing to do, so here._

_An answer about the title; when I first started this, it was going to be majour plot point to whether or not this was all in Jack's drug-stimulated brain. His never stopping battle between his sanity and his vivid fantasies and what is considered "real". A sort of Alice in Wonderland tale; was it a dream? Did it really happen? Did he simply get into daddies' medicine again?_

_But having him thinking about it nonstop and constantly wondering if he was bonkers got stupid really fast after a short while so I scrapped it. Besides, I tend to repeat the same over and over and it wasn't helping the plot anyway, even if it was a dream. I tried to introduce some things that would be an indication that this was all his imagination. Like the monkey hallucination for example. But then I thought it is still a silly idea so I dropped it yet again. Don't worry, the monkeys will come back later... maybe sooner than you think... or not... _

_I also changed the rating, I honestly thought I'd be writing morbid astonishes by now, but I haven't. I suppose by the time the letters and words leave my brain and onto the screen, the gore, blood and crimes against humanity is all filtered out. _

_So enjoy. _

_And this isn't a song chapter by the way, it's just a good song...  
_

* * *

_I am just a poor boy  
Though my story's seldom told  
I have squandered my resistance  
For a pocket full of mumbles such are promises  
All lies and jests  
Still a man hears what he wants to hear  
And disregards the rest_

The sweet tune of guitar and harmonious voices sang sweetly in my head like a flashback. Cliché yes, but ideal for the setting as I allowed my mind to go free. Everything was another swirl and blur of lost memories. I could barely recollect the day's affairs, like waking from a sleep-time dream. You could remember the entire day and its moments, but it passed so quickly anyway. Like summer vacation or any type of vacation. I was doing just fine now. It wasn't as hot up here in the snipers nest like the oven in the courtyard. Yes, it was still warmer then I was used to outside, but with the occasional light breeze made this the perfect hideaway location. No, it was nice and cool. And thanks to the shirt Scout donated, I felt nice and cool as well.

_When I left my home and my family  
I was no more than a boy  
In the company of strangers  
In the quiet of the railway station running scared  
Laying low, seeking out the poorer quarters  
Where the ragged people go  
Looking for the places only they would know_

The thick scent of cigarette smoke and coffee hung low in this room. I loved these smells, they were more pleasant then the odour of oil and metal from Engineer's workhouse or the overpowering smell of soap from the Scout. These sweet smells resembled being at grannies house or the cottage... it's friendly and welcoming.

_Lalalalalaalielaaa_

I stared at the old wood ceiling, lying flat on my back lazily. I don't remember when I slumped to the floor, and I didn't care, this was more comfortable and allowed thoughts to swirl more fluently. I imaged the cruel sun beating down on the tin roof, enough to fry an egg there. I imaged the searing heat radiating from the dull silver plates, reflecting light miles around. I pictured, what the rest of this small world was doing, as if my arrival really changed anything... if I was really that important. I thought nostalgically, yet unhappily about the sprinkler set sitting in the corner of my dad's garden shed and how much I would love to play with it right now.

I sniffled a cough as I brought the last bit of my joint towards my mouth adjoined to a pair of tweezers. The thick smoke filled my lungs as I took another deep breath from the rest of the tiny item. This was better than drinking any strong beverage on the planet. This was a billion times better if I smoke an entire carton of smokes. It was like the pulling dead weight crushing my fragile bones was finally removed from my slouching shoulders. In short, I felt fantastic. Sniper only took a single drag when I offered before settling on his cigarettes. I supposed he wasn't very interested, I reckoned he, like drinking only decaf, must be persistent when he wants to be focused. I was only going to smoke half of it, as my quantity was low, but found myself smoking the whole thing as soon as I got lost in my thoughts. The silence and peace in this crow's nest was almost calming, tranquil and relaxing. I even forgot about the Sniper, who unlike Engineer and like the Scout, had chosen to spend his time ignoring me. I jumped when he asked again if I wanted a drink, after witnessing one of my coughing spells.

Sniper is an odd fellow; one moment he's as lively and friendly like my friends back home, the other moment he was quiet and reserved. He was still a hell of a better host then Scout was, so I wasn't going to dwell much on it. Eventfully at first during his quiet spell, I got him talking. I wasn't expecting to discuss important topics. But things that mattered to us specially; mainly food. Sniper, a class I have no skill in thus never bothered was beginning to become one of my favourite people here. He made me feel relaxed as he was laid back and created a sort of comfortable bubble to be myself in. No need to pretend to be the meek, drunk Jackson the rest of the team believes. Here, I am me; the full me.

I released the smoke slowly, my weak vision got blurry as the smoke burned my eyes. Sitting on my back smoking was not a good idea after all. I took as much more as I could before dropping the blunt on the dirty floor. Next to my head, I crushed it into ash with the other side of the tweezers.

"A big fruit platter...with cream!" I croaked, rolling back to my side.

"Big roast...little potatoes..." Sniper gave a small smile

"Grilled vegetables!"

"Larger... just larger and them spicy nuts."

"Banana ice cream and cherries!"

"Got it."

Sniper sat opposite on the floor with me attacking a carton of RED brand Neapolitan Ice cream...it wasn't banana though. With vigour, he took a large spoonful and stared at it attentively.

"You know one thing I absolutely hate about this place? Whenever there is ice cream, everyone eats it all 'fore I even know it's there. All is left is a tablespoon to scrape off the bottom."

His face screwed up in determination, he stabbed the ice cream again with his spoon and growled.

"Well I'll show 'em, I'm eating this whole damn carton myself."

He shoved a spoonful into his mouth and continued to talk.

"You know who I want to be? I want to be just like Clint Eastwood in the 'Good the bad and the Ugly'. Ya know, collecting bounties, finding treasure...shooting people from a horse."

I tilted my head up at him; this was the best conversation I've had thus far here.

"You do that already"

"But not from a horse"

I nodded sleepily and shrugged, now tilting my head up to stare out into the endless blue sky through the open windows. Now that Sniper killed the BLU Sniper, or at least sent him to Respawn, we opened all the barriers and coverings and doors to the great outdoors. The view was quite spectacular as Sniper claimed; the landscape was a vibrant red colour contrasting the light blue sky. A smoke trail of a distant train marked the sky far away, a reminder of the society beyond ours. The hawks roamed the sky ahead with bright fluffy clouds dominating the horizon. It was picture perfect, I wanted to paint it.

"I want to be like Vince Noir. Or Bertie Wooster...Captain Jack Sparrow... all would be cool..." I continued. I graciously took a spoonful of melting ice cream as Sniper passed the massive spoon he found towards my view of vision.

"Why do you drive a Camper van?" I asked, licking drops of cold diary running down the metal handle when Sniper didn't comment.

"It's faster then walkin'"

"Yeah, but I'm sure you can afford a nice wendibago. Or a luxury camper-van at least." I passed the spoon back, excepting more.

"I've had it for years, never failed me yet. I got a sense of loyalty 'wards it."

"Oh yeah, I feel the same with my hovering craft back home." I giggled inside.

Sniper scoffed, taking another spoonful for himself.

"Yeah, they're fun at first, until ya find yourself crashed in the side of a skyscraper. That's why they call em' sky scrapers; they scrape what's left of ya off the windows."

I didn't respond. Sniper continued.

"I dun like them hoovers. They have devices on them that respond to the aliens."

"Aliens?"

"Yep, they're right pissed of us stealing their technology and steal ya away while you drive them- OH! Have they made contact with 'im yet? In tha future I mean."

_..._

"No." I said firmly

"Pah... jus as I thought..." He muttered darkly, his eyes squinting behind his yellow sunglasses. I realized he never took them off, not even last night inside the kitchen at dinner... how odd.

"Well, anyway, yea I can afford nicer things now. But it isn't about the money; it's the thrill of killing the same people over an' over an' over an' over again. Before, I sat ta sit for hours to get only seconds worth of a chance to shoot some rich basterd in the noggin. Now, them BLU dolts practically beg ta be shot. No need to travel around, no mess, no tricks, just point an' shoot."

More silence. I found myself staring at the knots decorating the floorboards. Sniper tossed the empty ice cream carton aside and leaned back to put his hands behind his head and pulled his hat down over his face.

"Yep, it's the perfect life for me."

He sighed contently, his cigarette wavering just slightly as he adjusted it with his lips. I just laid there, feeling like a sack of potatoes.

"In the future, we have great television."

I changed the direction of conversation during the quiet, also because I missed modern technology and convenience. I sat more comfortably on my side.

"Really? Is that show... wahtsit called...? Gunsmoke. Is that still popular?"

"What?"

"Nevermind."

"I know Wagon Train. My dad loves that show."

"Wagon Train is boring. Scout and Pyro like Ta Munsters, but it's silly ta me. Pyro also likes that movie with the chimp's innit. Damn kid's movie an' that."

"Does the Pyro like animals?"

"A little too much."

"Because earlier, I saw a gang of monkeys over there by the tracks, does he know anything about them?"

"Eh?"

"Yeah, I saw one... in the distance over there."

"Monkeys?" He tipped his hat up.

"Yes."

"Monkeys? As in... a bloody MONKEY? Here?"

"Yes."

Sniper stared at me; he took a long drag of the cig.

"Is that the gunja talking? Cos' that ain't normal mate."

Slow creaking from the ladder underneath snapped us both to looking at the closed trapdoor. The door opened slowly as the newcomer struggled to push it all the way open. I saw a rubber glove, and soon the shiny head of the Pyro's mask wedge inside. The Pyro was like me and had great difficulty getting in. But unlike me, it wasn't the lack of upper body strength he had a problem in; it was his giant suit that was a problem. I also didn't make as much noise as he was right now. He squeezed in, making little huffy noises behind his filter, his suit squeaking and making other rubbery noises against the sides of the trapdoor. His suit left much to the imagination, not defining any shape to either a man or a woman. Neither of us helped him, just watching as he pitifully collapsed on the floor to take a breather. He finally sat up on his knees.

"Hurdhurfdrub."

"Pyro." Sniper acknowledged tossing his smoke out the window.

"Hello" I chipped, sitting up without displaying difficulty.

Pyro sat crossed legged next to the door, closed it and gave me a single wave of his hand. It was a long while that I finally got a good look at the strange man. The night before was difficult as he was only a slight presence not only at dinner, but in the common room as well. Only a brief glimpse from the other side of the room, hiding in the shadows. A sinister forewarning if I was at home, but here it was a completely different. Being mysterious, scary and odd must be normal here. His mannerisms reminded me of one of a mime, as if he was keeping himself from talking. I supposed he was shyer then he looked or didn't want to bother trying to communicate when I couldn't understand anyway.

His suit was a shapeless mold, with baggy folds that were responsible for all the squeaky noises that resembled little animals being squished. His suit was remarkably clean, not a single burn mark, smudge or smear. It was shiny and glossy; much like it was brand new. Sniper however was rather the opposite, with dust covering the front of his pants, scuff marks on his boots and an odd red stain on his vest. His shirt was rather clean though I must say.

"Meeting?" droned the Sniper

"Herbmurh, hurm hurgh durrppe."

"Kay then."

Sniper tiled his hat back over his face, blocking us both, leaving to each other's company. What could I say to a Pyromaniac? What if he didn't want to talk to me? Should I tell him about the time I threw firecrackers at teenagers? Twiddling his thumbs, the Pyro looked around the room before his masked face fell on mine, giving me a more personal view of the mysterious being. His small head was not like a normal head shape, but more between a coconut and a very round ball. His two filters added more weight to the basic shape, with two round glassy black eyes like deep holes. I tried to see if I could see a face through them, but all I could see was my own dark reflection. Nothing more from those hollow pits called his eyes. I couldn't tell if he was looking at me or past me, so I looked away staring past him, back to the glorious outside. A moment passed before the odd man/woman pulled out his lighter to keep company, it was a vibrant blue metal and quite beautiful. Why wasn't his lighter red?

"Not in here" Sniper grunted under his hat, even though his own (which was brown) was sitting with his cup, ashtray and Kabuki on the crate next to him. The Pyro hesitated, and retreated the lighter back into his side pouch. Sniper tipped his hat back again as Pyro did that and held it until the Pyro was again staring. It was the strangest damn thing, as the Pyro stared at the Sniper. It was a standoff; a horrible staring contest that I feared could result worse. There was a moment's silence as Sniper blinked at the strange man, thinking to what he wanted.

"Wot do you want then?"

The Pyro right away pointed to the stacks of books next to the coffeemaker. Sniper scoffed.

"Naw, you gone an' spilled coke all over the last one. I'm still waiting for a replacement."

Pyro mumbled quietly something else to himself and his head motioned to Snipers rifle and SMG that was sitting on pegs on the far side wall above the makeshift bed of messy pile of blankets and pillows. This seemed to have struck a cord with the Aussie.

"I said NO. I said no last time and I'm not changin' heads. Now jog off." He ordered, shoving his thumb towards the window.

Pyro kept staring at the Sniper with his dead stares. The Sniper glared defiantly back and did not look happy. Pyro finally grabbed the latch of the trapdoor and allowed himself out.

"That was odd...and rude of you." I finally said after the door closed and a minute had passed in silence. I was incredibly awkward. Like being witness to your best mate quarrel with his girlfriend. Sniper clearly didn't care about the poor Pyro's feelings and it did bother me. I was starting to enjoy the Sniper's company too, I was thinking of him of the closest person to a friend besides the Engineer. If you would call him a friend at least. With my fragile state in this twisted world, anyone who was kind to me was an ally. Sniper didn't seem to care of what happen, adjusting his posture and grabbing a pillow at arm's length like nothing occurred.

"He's bloody annoyin'. Always comes up here when he's bored, like I'm here ta entertain him or something. Always wants something, never gives. Worse than bloody Scout sometimes, at least you can talk to im."

I was beginning to feel sleepy. Sniper was reminding me like Gordon Ramsay.

"Maybe he's lonely."

"Wouldn't be surprised. But it's his damn problem, he's not all there anyway. Keeps playing and fiddling with his lighters and keeping food in his room. It always smells like rotted meat in there. We even found a dead cat there once. I'd say out all of us wackjobs- he's just bloody odd."

My heart sank; I love cats.

"Engie isn't crazy. He let me play with his guitar."

Sniper chuckled, "Engineer's a good egg. But ya obliviously never seen him in a fight. Just wait till he's in the mood an' you'll see."

"Do you think I'd be allowed to be in the battle?"

"I don't know... can ya fight?"

"Ehhhh..." I admitted

"Well, as long as we don't have to run after you saving yer ass, I guess it'd be 'lright. I'm sure ya can look after yerself."

I smiled assuredly, "Damn right."

The creaking from the ladder returned, faster and more bountiful then before. The floor rocked a bit, Sniper groaned and rolled his eyes as he reached for his cigarette pack again. This time, the excited face of the hatless Scout popped out of the opening. He look flushed, a slight sheen of sweat on his exposed brow revealing a mess of dark dirty blonde hair. It didn't look nice and combed like it should.

"Where's Pyro?" Scout asked, not seeing that his presence was not needed.

He leapt up from the entrance with much more grace then how I or the Pyro got in. His method had more finesse and style... and sat next to Sniper like a welcomed guest. He copied Sniper with his hands sitting in his lap. Sniper glared irritated towards the ceiling, blowing a stream of smoke through his nostrils.

"Was jus' here. Saw him head 'wards the tracks."

"Aw, you missed the BEST round of Rocket-basket-tennis EVER. Soldier freakin' dived bombed him with the rocket, an' Pyro, I swear leaped up 6 feet offta ground-"

"Course I missed it."

His head nodded towards me. Scout gave an obtuse look at me as his face turned to mild disgust. I was staring at the knots in the floor again.

"Oh yeah. And what smells? You guys toking up in here?"

I was still very much high and it snapped me back to hear the words 'toke'. Before Sniper could give an answer or excuse or whatever he was going to reply, I spoke up.

"Yes I was. Yes I was."

"Ha! Yer a reefer-head ain't ya!."

"Been called worse Scout. I've been called worse."

That was true by the way. Nothing to be proud of though...

"What are you, like repeatin yerself?"

"Yep."

Silence.

"Yep." I grinned, Scout was ridiculous.

"Well, ya better not let Medic know, he's been double pissed off since you got here. And Soldier HATES reefer-heads, he'd tear you a new one if anyone told him."

I knew very well about the humorous characters of a popular video game and the repercussions of pissing them off. But right now, I felt confident and cocky and giddy.

"Well, if Mr. Ignorant has a problem with my lifestyle, he can come tell it to my face if he wants to."

I guess the Scout was looking for a challenge.

"Oooh, I'm going to go an' tell him that!"

My heart stopped.

"WAIT! NO! Scout, get back in here!"

Scout already bounded out and was half-way climbing down the ladder by the time I pathetically crawled towards the trapdoor. Watching the young man run off under the crow's nest, I slammed the door shut in frustration. Aghast, I faced the Sniper; he was looking out towards the sky at the family of hawks, smiling thoughtfully to himself not paying attention.

"Why didn't you stop me!" I shouted at him, my face growing red.

"Hmm?"

"Scout went to get Soldier! Soldier is coming." My voice raised a few pitches, my matter-of-fact tone vanishing.

"Oh?"

Sniper sat straight up and stretched his arms above his head, his cigarette staying put in his mouth.

"Well, he hasn't been up here for a while. He doesn't do a lot of sentry duty in the tower. Guess we should get down, get ready ta hunt."

"Sorry?"

"Did you know what we ate last night?"

"No."

"Neither do we. Gotta get some real food out there."

He motioned to the trapdoor.

"After you."

Oh, he's going shopping, maybe I could tag along, see what outside society looks like. And mostly to get away from the wrath of Soldier. Maybe he'll calm down before I get back. I relaxed a bit, why was I so afraid in the first place? I'll be fine, I'll get through this alive like Glados; I just have to keep a step up ahead of everyone. When we were back on solid ground, I instantly felt the heat return. I needed an AC stat. I hesitantly followed the Sniper, his rifle now smugly attached to a strap vertically across his back. We walked a few paces towards the sides of the RED complex before I spoke up.

"Sniper, can I come with you?"

"Ehhh..." He didn't look happy, "Well, I'm not letting ya shoot my gun if that's wot you want."

My brief moment of joy dissipated. Why would I want to shoot his gun if we're going shopping? Unless he's robbing! I calmed myself down as I followed timidly behind the relaxed pace of the tall Australian.

_No worries, he won't do anything stupid like that... unless he's REALLY hunting... that's worse... I'll just find Engineer, avoid the Soldier, and stay a step ahead- _

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING BILBUN BAGGINS?"

_Oh NO_

The Sniper causally faced the marching Soldier coming towards us. He was built like the Frankenstein monster; broad shouldered, aggressive posture, his boots stamping down with such anger, it created storms of dust to trail him as he stomped. His vicious scowl getting bigger as he tramped closer and closer, his arms swinging viciously at his sides, not a man to cross with at my state.

"Were you sitting again? Sitting is not productive! You should be running laps or pushups or some other activity! Not laying around- camping!"

Sniper rolled his eyes again, and spat out his cigarette. The Sniper was much taller looking down with straight irritation. But what the Soldier lacked in height, he gained in fury; I could feel the pure rage radiate from his shiny helmet like a hot poker. Sniper didn't look intimidated of course, being the professional he is, calmly showed teeth as he spoke.

"Yea well, I'd love to ask what yer definition of camping would be again, but I got better things to do."

He continued walking on, walking away and leaving me behind with the steaming ogre.

"LEAVING on unscheduled departures from base is strictly disallowed-" Soldier yelled after him,"-and WILL NOT be tolerated! And YOU!"

I winced; it was finally my turn now.

"The weakling whom I just dubbed Alice has informed me of indecent use of cannabis RIGHT HERE ON BASE! Do you know what these substances can and will do to your MIND! It will make you listen to jazz music! It will cause you to perform acts of vandalism!I should know, they forced them upon me while I was held at a German prison facility in 1949. It was my pure manly aptitude that prevented any long term damage. But I can clearly see that you are too late."

He paused, lifting his head up to peer under his helmet at me.

"I see from your shocked, terrified expression that I am correct."

He pulled his head back down, sliding his helmet back over his eyes and began muttering as he began to pace. I stood there, watching the stout man continue his rant, wondering if I should just leave.

"That's the problem with you kids these days; you can't build tolerance to anything. All of you are a bunch of weaklings!"

He stopped pacing and looked back at me. Too late to make a getaway.

"It is up to ME to whip you into shape! No need to grovel, I'm doing it for your own good of course. As long as you wear our colours, you will contribute to this team, affirmative?"

He poked me, the men in this world must really like poking others to make a point because this must have been the 10th time that they done it to me.

"Yessir, yes. But uh, matter of speaking, what sort of contributions are we thinking of."

"I don't know yet. But will involve NOT being British, so drop that silly accent and act American. Next step, vigorous tenth level army unit training. Then, the Independence Day Parade. We'll go from there."

The Soldier stood straight and began to pace again, slower and more contemplative. It was like he rehearsed his speech in advance.

"By end's week, or perhaps even before Engineer repairs his wacky thingamawadjet, you will be fit enough to adorn the RED embalm! You will be VIOLENT, BRUTAL! And it will be GLORIOUS! Fighting amongst carbon copies of fellow soldiers, gallantly marching towards their doom and destiny! Fighting valiant for America!"

I was happy Soldier wanted to spend some quality time with me and cared somewhat for my wellbeing, but to be honest I wasn't too thrilled with Soldiers ambitious plan for me. I wasn't afraid of physical activity as I was always more eager for field time then mathematics when I was at school. But there was a majour difference between either playing a harmless game of football or swaggering in a gut-wrenching obstacle course.

I could see it now; miles upon miles of hidden boot camp like factions hidden beneath us, built specifically for instruction for super soldiers breed for combat. But me, dragging my feet like a zombie, a shell of what I used to be. Being whipped with a trollop with the extreme commander berating me on. Sweat mixed with tears pouring down my face, eating beef-based gruel for meals- vigorous training on death structures hours on end! Image the pain! The agony of the snapping of one's spirit breaking under the operation of a mad man! I couldn't have this. A plan did rise to mind when I considered this; back at home, my grandfather could talk for hours about his various escapades. I'm not even exaggerating, that man can talk a one sided conversation all by himself. It was a method to avoid doing chores, as boring as his stories were. It was a great deal better than repainting the fence or doing laundry and to me, it was worth a shot.

"Well, actually...sir."

"Well WHAT? Open your lips and spit it out!"

Like Sniper, who was long gone out of view, I was much taller than the Army enthusiast. But somehow, Soldier managed to tower over me like the Heavy would. I found my voice again.

"I thought... you can tell me of one of your adventures from the war first... to get me motivated and all. I never want to leave before hearing your famous tales of... defy-nation from the famed RED Soldier himself."

What I said didn't make sense. But the Soldier stood tall and cautious, yet held a proud flair.

"Stories are for lady gossipers with frilly derby hats... But, I suppose I could tell you the time I was attacked while I was gardening and had to use my trowel to decapitate invading forces."

We didn't go too far, Soldier managed to drag me to the infamous fence where I recognized from his "meet the" video. He sat me down on a wood crate, thankfully in shade of a massive pipe and gave his audience (me) his tale. And so, I was pleased to see my plan had worked. Being high was the greatest thing I could do here. It made me bolder, and gave me confidence to speak up to save my own skin. And for the benefit for my own entertainment. That Soldier could tell a story; making all the sound effects, changing his voice for different characters and acting out scenes with his hands and wild gestures. His one tale turned into several, all merging into one long epic tale of never-ending enemies and against the odds outcomes. I was definitely not regretting this at all.

"-I was flung! 30 feet back into the radishes while three cowards came at me with tire irons! A midget, who was hiding in the bushes, came at me with a bowie knife. Thanks to my fast reflexes, I managed to leap up and punt kick the little basterd right back into them."

He suddenly grew serious and quiet; he pulled his helmet back to expose wide eyes. He leaned in close till we nearly nose to nose, his voice lowered to a deep whisper.

"You ever looked a man in the eye as he's gagging on his own blood?"

"No." I answered simply

"I did. KAWBOOM!

I startled, Soldier was waving his arms to intensify the explosion, gritting his teeth as he shouted.

"BOOOM! Off went the sprinkler system! Disembowelled 14 men all at once. HAHA! Boy, I was scraping organs off the roof for the rest of the year. But it wasn't over yet! ANOTHER midget appeared out of nowhere to avenge his brotherly kin! Then, I managed to point my shotgun to the nearest oil drum and KAWPOW! Blew nearly 20 acres of neighbouring farmland and creating the great dustbowl of 1960-"

"Fer pete's sake, will ya all stop yellin'? You're louder than a bleeden' bitch in heat."

Demoman emerged from the other side of the wood fence where the Soldiers heads once sat.

"YOU WILL NOT USE THAT TONE WITH ME! ?"

"Got it ye damn loon." Demo man glowered, "How ya doing kid?"

He sat next to me with a jaded sigh. Crossing his legs, he leaned back to join us for a smoke break. Taking out his own cigar, he mumbled a kind "thank you" as he accepted the book of matches I took from Scout.

"What you talkin' boot anyway?" he asked lighting up one of the matches from under his boot.

"I'm telling the hippy my various converge against no-do-wellers! The time I was quietly gardening for instance-"

"Oh bonnie, this is my favourite one! You at the part when the wee, little person tried to skewer ya?"

"I just got to that part; there is an interesting twist to that by the way. On the way to the rib place earlier, I stopped by old Murray's to pick up a new barrel for my launcher-"

"The rocket launcher?" I piped up.

"You bet! Tell 'im aboot yer pip!"

"No interruptions! This is not a question and answer session! And yes, it was for my pride and joy Miss America."

He bowed his head as he went quiet. The tone turned sombre, Demoman looked apologetic.

"Oooo... I forgot aboot that... I'm sorry mate."

"Did he loose her?" I asked quietly to Demoman

"Ya"

Soldier stood straight again and saluted the sky with gusto.

"It was a sacrifice! A sacrifice the superior Miss America was proud to make. She knew her destruction would ally me in the never-ending fight between AMERICA and the cowardly, gutless, scum filled worm foreigners who swore to destroy her and all she stands for! And fighting Nazi communists in other countries!"

I swore I could have heard bagpipes and trumpets playing. His hand fell to his heart.

"I still carry her with me, the only part recovered from that massive explosion I might have or might not have survived; I haven't gotten to that part yet."

He took out a small object from the inside pocket of his red fatigues. He let me hold it; I gently let it lay in my open palms, staring at it in awe. It was a green metal fragment that came from the stencilled part of a letter that resembled part of an 'A'.

"I would have loved to have seen her" I stated, still staring at the useless scrap like it was the Mona Lisa.

I couldn't believe I was talking like a weapon was a real person, but doing so made it seem like it was more real. It felt special. Soldier swiped it from my hands and returned it back to its place in his coat pocket.

"Peh yeah, she was something...but can't dwell on events from the past, you must look to the future! Those filthy BLUs won't blow themselves up! Not unless you stay in the past and kill in the present. Unless you had a time machine, which such technology doesn't exist."

Demoman snapped up, "Whatcho talkin' bout? How ye think Jack got here?"

"I forgot! Well then, consider yourself useful hippy-from-the-future!"

Demoman clapped me kindly on my shoulder.

"You right an' ignore 'im Jackson, he speaks outta his arse rather than his head."

"EVERYTHING I SAY IS TRUE! If you laughable excuses who call yourselves men really want to succeed, you should listen to me then wave my witty anecdotes as mindless riff-raff!"

"Yer a screwball, an' that's why we like ya so much. C'mon, don take it so hard, you just want someone new ta listen to yer tall tales."

"I love your stories!" I said to ease the tension, "With all the explosions, and killings and fighting! I admire your courage."

That last line was a lie; I thought complimenting him would help him forget about our training regime. I was truthful about his stories though, I was willing to listening if he was willing to talk. Solider looked down at me, deep in thought if he was capable of it.

"Hmm... Son, it is every man's duty- whether they are hippies, space invaders, or Canadian- that they stand for what they believe in! And even if I don't agree with their ideologies and will probably blindly fight to the death against; I respect them nonetheless-"

Demoman nodded in agreement as the Solder spoke.

"-respect as I carve their death-dates onto the moldy sides of their skulls with a dull blade! If they didn't want my shovel wedged deeply in their spinal columns, they should have thought of that BEFORE I wedged my shovel in their spinal columns!"

Demoman stopped nodding, he raised an eyebrow. I leaned forward, totally engrossed.

"As Napolian once stated, 'if they wanted peace, they shouldn't have stood in the way of my cannons!' With that said, are you ready son?"

"Yes" I whispered in wonderment

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU! ARE YOU READY TO PROVE YOURSELF!"

"YES! YES SIR GOD DAMIT!"

Demoman sat there confused. He exhaled some smoke as his eye flickered between us.

"So, what are we talkin' aboot then?"


	17. Rocket Man part deux

**Rocket Man part deux**

**AKA- The adventure continues!  
**

_Speaking in francais make me sound smrter_

_So let me go ahead and rant about how much I hate this chapter. Here is the gist of it; they give our hero a rocketlauncher. Who the hell gives strangers their most prized possessions? Who? Looks like these stupid idiots did. And it's not their fault, it's demented people like me who write fanfiction. I don't even know how it comes to be, all I wanted was a simple getway for the plot to move forward and BAM! This erupted from another sleepless night of cider drinks and the same record of '__Paul's Boutique' playing on repeat. Anyway... here. I'm not happy with it and I'm not just saying that because LOL! It's times like this, when you realize that your wonderful idea for a story transforms into utter shit._ _So read, enjoy, and let's never speak of this ever again. _

* * *

The Soldier planted his forefinger under his bottom lip as he returned to deep thought.

"Hmm... how does one prove himself these days..."

Demoman took another long drag from the shrinking cigar.

"Nah, Jacks a guest an' don have ta proove himself nothing." He nodded.

"Let me fight along-side you in battle!" I gasped, I couldn't feel my feet.

"Please!" I added as Demoman and the Soldier exchanged glances.

"Ehh, are yoo sure?" Demoman asked. I admired him being compassionate, but this was what I wanted.

"Of course he is. Why wouldn't he have mentioned it then?" Soldier snapped back

The sudden act of logic coming from the Soldier erupted into another argument between the two. I was rushing back to my nearly empty pack of slims, still caught in the thick web of my daydreaming visions of the grand battle.

The next moment, I was at the kitchen table with some water. I remembered Soldier ordered me to get inside before I get sun sick and attracted vultures, as they were very disgusting creatures who spread pox. I was glad someone noticed and concerned for my disposition for sunlight. Odd that it was the muscular army man though.

The public kitchen was empty. It had a different flair in the daylight then it had this morning. Sun poured through the soldiery window located above the sink luminating the filthy dishes that were still piled up. A tiny team of fruit flies danced without a care around in and about the mess. Sitting bored and alone with my thoughts, I started on another cigarette. My heart sank as I remembered my supply was running out fast.

To my delight, the Heavy lumbered over to the sink like an exhausted bear with a basket full of potatoes. I stared greedily at the hefty bequest; it looks like I was going to eat tonight after all! It appeared like the Heavy had just awaked from a deep afternoon nap and was not very pleased to be washing. Heavy didn't speak, only giving a deep "Hhmmp" when I asked how he was feeling. I wasn't feeling well either. I was starving, tired, sweaty, uncomfortable and hot. My head was still swimming and I hated this stupid shirt Scout gave me. Just before I was going to offer to help the Heavy with this chore and get my hands on those delicious looking potatoes, the Engineer walked in. He still wore his helmet, the front of his coveralls partially covered in grease, I wondered if I should ask him to remove his goggles.

"Heya Jack, I see yer socializing wit the team."

I took another gulp of water, and glanced at the only person in the room ignoring me.

"Yes, it's been grand fun! Have any process with the Respawn?" I tried to pretend I was fine.

Engineer leaned on the table and stretched.

"Hadn't gotten to that part yet. Been prepping weapons all afternoon actually."

He hasn't even started? For a man who gave a heartfelt speech about me getting home then breaking my spirits, he was really bringing me down . I wondered if he found a minute out of his seamlessly busy day to tear the laptop apart... I bet he has.

"Don look like that, first things first you know. I promise you, I'll look over the plans tonight again. I assure ya"

I forced a smile and wondered if I smelt normal... if I looked normal.

"Engie?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I noticed a computer room near the warehouse loading bay place, you know, the mammoths in the basement?"

"Jack, just by looking at that dang little thing that it is NOT like anything I'm used to. Besides, them control panels do very little for looking so fancy. They barely control the lights then doing anything remotely useful. To my knowledge, they are merely for decoration. To my recollection, back in 62', we had a forty-five deuwl Gina on loan from Mountain Industries. When RED bought it out, they sacked it with wut they called a 'Ceedeemanna processor-"

"CDrom?" I suggested, although I knew I wasn't right.

"Hmm?"

"Nothing" I sighed, I was tired.

Does that mean I'd have to stay here longer? What a surprise! Another day of wearing out my welcome. Normally, I would react like any individual sucked into an endless loop of redone OCness and weep my eyes out in helplessness. But at the moment, the white tube of nicotine sitting in my lips totally removed any difficulty I would have in being here. I don't know whether to be happy or sad. Until I remembered the battle.

"So, battle tomorrow?"

"Yep" Engineer took a large swing of water from his coffee mug. Where did that come from?

"What job will I be doing?"

Heavy, who was still at the sink washing all those creamy golden potatoes, gave a cheerful chuckle.

"You're not going to fight. You too small to fight BLU babies."

No... No, they can't leave me out; I wasn't going to let them steal that from me, I won't allow it. I felt the desperation escape from inside.

"No! Please let me come! Sniper says I'm capable! Even Soldier said I could help if I didn't get in the way!"

Medic made an appearance from out of nowhere. I haven't seen him since the other night. He wasn't wearing his normal doctor-looking uniform coat, he was simply wearing what he had underneath which was a brown vest, a white shirt and a little red tie. He remarkably looked so much like the physician my grandma had, it frightened me. Back completely straight like he had a board stuck under his coat wandered to Heavies side to give me an interested look. Engie answered.

"Nah, I'm agreen' with Heavy Weapons. You're not synced with Respawn, you'd not last an hour I assure you. I don't cotton to you risking your life."

"Speaking of which, will Rezpawn be operational for tomorrow? I wouldn't want one of us to try to explain to our superiors the mysterious transpires leading to the numerous deaths of half zhe team ... assuming one of us is left alive." Medic asked with a slight grin.

"Don't ya worry about it Doc. It's not the first time I've dived into them mechs, it should be working jus' fine."

Soldier marched in the outside kitchen door and for once, instead of an angry scowl, he gave me a warm smile.

"Well, you ready Soldier? I got the runt Alice and the camper Bilbun to set up the tennis net, so try to aim for that to break your fall."

Both the eyebrows of the Medic and the Engineer rose. I'm sure if we could see the little man's eyes under his goggles, he'd be blinking them. Medic was starting to look ecstatic, the most vivid I've seen from him thus far.

"Whudda ya doing wut?" Engie asked.

Soldier put a hand on my shoulder and got me out from my chair to face me towards the same door. The Soldier must have come sort of sixth sense that he'd know I somehow forgot how to move. I felt so tired. Soldier kept talking.

"And make sure you don't burn the tennis net either. We need it for recreational purposes."

Engie followed us, "What's he reedy for?"

Soldier stopped and spun us around. I almost tripped over myself.

"Get with the program Engineer, this brave loyalist has decided to prove himself! Using only pure guts and manly attitude to survive."

"He will try to jump with the rocket." Heavy explained, washing his hands with a fluffy wash cloth.

Engineer looked like he didn't believe what he was hearing. Yet, he broke into a smile and shook head trying not to laugh.

"Ah naw, nice try. Won't fool me thinking ya let him use your Rocket launcher."

"Sorry team mother, but it was his idea."

Engineer's dopey smile fell instantly into one of shock.

"Yer actually serious?"

I couldn't imagine what I must have looked like to the Engineer; my mouth agape, my red glossy eyeballs fixed on a small dust tunnel off in the distance, leaning on the shoulder of the Soldier.

When the answer was just silence, Engie dragged his gloved hand down his face with a groan.

"This is why I shouldn't leave you people alone with him. Solly, you are gunna get him killed!"

"I didn't die the first time I tried." Soldier gave a smug smile

"You blew your legs apart! Doc! C'mon, speak some sense-"

"I don't care if za imbecile wants to die." Medic spoke dryly, shrugging his shoulders. "It'd be interezting to try to bring him back to life though... and vith only limited body parts."

"We set the tennis net up!" Scout shouted from outside.

"RIGHT! LET'S GO!"

"What? The NET?"

Soldier was already leading me towards the crowd of remaining team members by the time Engie noticed it. I could hear him, the Medic and Heavy follow blindly behind us. Soldier was talking to me as we walked back out in the sunlight and the heat.

"Okay hippy, you got one shot at this. Don't aim directly AT your feet and stay straight when you fly. Land with your legs bent, and flat footed. If you fail, your legs with either crush under your own weight when you fall, or you will die a terrible, painful death from your spine snapping in half. So make sure you do it right the first time."

The Soldiers sadistic grin, the eager face of Medic, the Engineer's one of sheer panic and confusion and the neutrally of Heavy was bleak to say the least. I could feel the blood drain from my face, my fingers tingle then go slightly numb, the heart in my chest began to beat with more pressure.

All I could hear was blurred faces and faint, echo-y voices around me. If Soldier didn't have such a firm grip, I doubt I could have had the strength to keep walking.

"Hey, let's see if he'll break Soldier's record!" A voice like Scout screamed

"How high did he go last?" a low voice this time.

"Waaay up to the peak of the BLU water tower."

"I remember that, he took out the old sentry nest."

"Yeah, I remember their Sniper like, freaking flew like 50 feet from ta impact. Man I wish I got that on tape."

I chuckled to myself, "What am I doing?"

I hope this time I can use my confusion as an excuse to not blast myself into the air using an explosive weapon. I scanned the crowd for Sniper, I couldn't find him. The voices continued however, I heard a bit of a French accent from afar before a Scottish one developed right next to me.

"Need a little motivation?"

I felt the cool neck of a bottle in my clammy hands. I took it graciously and took a mighty swing. The sudden sharp of the strong liquid attempted to wake me from my stupor, and I forced myself to focus. Well, I can't back out now... they'll mock me. If I do go through with this, I die. I looked towards Engineer, he watched me with his jaw wide open in shock. I felt the assembly of the RED team separate from me, indication that they wanted me to now experience the thrill of the dangerous sport.

"Yoo can doit lad!"

The Soldier suddenly had the launcher up on his shoulder, beaming at me with a manner of pride. I was on auto-drive during his small demonstration and lecture, nodding my head during the appropriate times as he spoke. Then, he handed the reins to me, shoving the colossal weapon into my arms. Mimicking the soldier's actions, I lifted the warhead onto my right shoulder. I shagged under the weight and with small steps, made my way away from the RED team.

The weapon was very heavy. The metal felt soft and cool, like it was recently polished. I glanced up at it; the gleaming metal almost screamed of how well took care of it was. Keeping my arms up to hold aloft this thing, caused my shirt to rise up, revealing the mid-drift part of my stomach. I felt exposed; As much as I loved positive attention, this was really too much too handle. I kept walking, nearing what looked like the net. A sudden plan flashed in my mind; I was going to fake it. I observed the area carefully. We were near Engie's workshop, in the vast field of sand before a sudden drop into a ditch of sorts. An open storm-pipe emerged from the end of it towards the way right before exiting under the chain link fence separating the RED land from the wilderness beyond. Attached to the fence and a tether ball pole with a long piece of black cord was the net Soldier ordered to put up. It blew slightly from the breeze.

_Why do they have a tether ball pole? NAH! Stay focused, need to think..._

I can, let's say, give a small stumble. I could jam the launcher under my legs, set it off and when the missile sets me flying forward into the net instead of in the air, I'll be home free. The men of RED would understand their mistake of letting a unqualified person deal with dangerous weapons and I would say I learned a powerful message about... being let to deal with dangerous weapons and I can cry myself to sleep **alive** tonight. I turned around, surveying the area completely. The light breeze came back, almost causing me to sneeze.

I gave a massive breath. I get the best plans.

I had to do this.

I shut my eyes, I could hear and feel the wind around me, just like the sunlight.

I took another breath and hoped to whoever deity was listening right now that no one would see.

I was going to do it now.

I aimed the barrel between my two feet and readjusted. I was light headed, and my arms hurt.

Holding my breath, I pulled the trigger.

Instead of giving a step like I wanted, I simply fell over, pressing the trigger as I fell. The sound was the worst bit; I wish that Soldier would have warned me to wear plugs... and maybe some body armour too... I recon that's why he's a loud man, he can't hear himself.

Actually, I take it back. I can still hear, it was the impact and the pain that was the worst part.

I could feel the friction of dirt and hard ground grinding against my face and part of my left side as I was propelled forwards. I don't know how far I was dragged on the ground, but I know I didn't make the net. I laid face first in the dust wondering if I stopped moving. The pain didn't set in at first, but when the gears inside my head began to function again, I found myself jetted forwards with my bottom sticking right up in the air. Not a dignifying position...

As I was trying to determine if I still had the ability to move my limbs, I managed to pull myself up. I at first thought I turned blind, when I remembered my eyes were still planted shut. I opened them to instantly see dust and blood gush from my head. I realized my entire face felt numb, my hands flew to my nose, falling forward again in a submissive pose. It appeared that I bit my own tongue as well...

"Fert! MEDICK!" I rasped out, hoping that they could hear that I was in trouble. I was yelling out towards the ground that was. They may think I was lying down, having a laugh. I rolled to my right side, still holding my precious face.

I heard footsteps getting louder behind me. It was sadly the Solider and Scout. Soldier bent down to lift up the launcher which separated from me when I was pulled through the dirt. As Soldier examined the weapon for damages, he looked down at the scene with puzzlement. Scout was laughing I believe. He was laughing at me I guess, but I could hear him say that watching the enemy Sniper fall to his doom looked much funnier.

"That was odd." Soldier commented.

"Hold ztill." The German Doctor suddenly appeared out of no-where. With surprising strength, he plucked me up by grabbing under my armpits and having me sit properly. But with stiff force, he grabbed my chin with his hand and pried my mouth open with a finger to have a better look inside. I tried to wrench my head from the Medic's grip.

"Ib's don wright?" I asked, just before Medic took authority over my jaw again.

Soldier scratched the back of his tilted head, estimating the distance.

"Well... you got about... a metre... across"

"Dat-dhat's ah 'ump wright?" my voice resembled something close to a pubescent boy with a lisp.

"Well... not a real jump-"

"YUS!"

My arms flew up, my smile grew! It was close enough! Medic slapped my arms down and heaved me up to my legs.

"_Kind_, no more games for you." he snapped and pulling me forward.

Everything was a blur again. I was back in auto-drive, walking away from the Soldier and Scout trying to take down the net. Medic's professional side must have taken over, ordering me not to talk and shoving a strange tasting cloth into my mouth to stop the bleeding. I was trying my best to pretend to be upset that I failed, as I knew I disappointed the Soldier. But why do I care? I lived.

I also had a feeling that the Medic was horribly disappointed that I didn't explode in a limb-shattering display of squirting blood and entrails. Nonetheless, even with his look of dissatisfaction, he was still helping me walk, hooked his arm undermine and was leading (or hauling) me through the crowd and back towards the indoors.

We walked past what sounded like the loud muffles of Engineer ranting to whoever would listen about our terrible plan. The Pyro and Demo cheering with giggles and laughter. I felt one of them clap me on the back as the Medic proceeded to drag me up and along with him as the Heavy gave bound after bound of roaring laughter. The Sniper and Spy were simply gone.

Nothing mattered though. I still rocket jumped and I was happy about it.

"YO! Doesn't count!" Scout shouted towards us.

I ignored him.


	18. The Terrifying Examination the REAL ver

**Chapter 18**

**The Terrifying Examination; the REAL version**

_Medic doesn't raise doves at 2fort. So sue me._

I've haven't been to a doctor's appointment for a long time. Not since my primary school trip where I had to get shots for getting bit by the weirdo girl from the other class who fancied me. I vowed after that day never to go to the clinic again and to avoid any girl named "Debbie". Whether going voluntarily or forced. Or being dragged like a corpse towards the infirm by a straight-postured psychopath.

It must have taken me a full minute to let it sink in that it was the Medic dragging my body like a oversized doll down several corridors. Ignoring my feeble attempts of trying to get away, he assured me that I needed full, undivided medical attention. Fortunately, the cold in the infirm was like a morgue, and the chill was clearing my head until I finally started to think logically and be my old self. There is nothing like a rocket-launching mishap to snap you back up and awake you up... during the middle of the day. Blinking upwards, towards the un-natural sting from the florescent lights above, I silently observed my surroundings. So, this was where the Medic worked and played? Engineer told me they brought me here the night I came, but I didn't remember that much after being thwacked on the head with a dirty shovel. It wasn't an office, although an elaborate chestnut desk was situated on one side of the large white tiled room.

The walls were egg white, covered with anatomy posters and more RED propaganda and slogans. 'DRINK THIS' one said. 'WORK AS TEAM' said another with a bunch of blocky cartoon Heavies marched in a row. Some had sloppy moustaches and other face deformities drawn on with a marker. An ancient X-ray machine and some other old machinery was lain about, thankfully turned off. Very retro, Rocky Horror Picture, B-movie like in here, it was pleasing to the eye if you're into that sort of thing. A humming fridge beside a deep sink covered the adjacent wall, in front of about five hospital beds. In the very middle, was the exam table. A large, reclining leather chair along with what looked like a tiny prototype of GLaDOS hanging down from the roof. The thing looked like a converted medi-gun, but more monstrous and daunting like a Frankenstein creature. Thus so. Here I was, sitting upon said exam table, on display for his eyes, a body to be toyed and experimented on.

I was mortified.

The Medic had removed his coat, showing off the tailored tan vest underneath it. Rolling up his sleeves and pulling off his thick, rubber gloves he hummed merrily. His back to me, getting tools ready, prepping for his procedure.

"I'm pfeeling etter noaw." I retorted again, trying to make myself more clear and sound more healthy.

I was hoping it was convincing enough this time. My mouth felt like someone stabbed it with a hot blade. While the rest of my body was sore like a zoo of animals just stamped over me like a rug. I knew that that somehow, whether I liked it or not, the good doctor knew so too.

"Nonsense, you are still bleeding." he said turning towards me, giving me a confident smile. Nothing wrong with his eyes at least, even with those glasses. I swallowed another gulp of blood as he advanced.

"Nothing a few sutures can't fix. Open."

Before I could refuse, his hand grabbed my jaw and I opened up mouth by reflex. He peered in for a moment before letting go and turning around again. I rubbed the tender skin attached to my jaw, the man certainly had a grip. I watched this back, his larger frame swaying and working briskly as he set tools, gaze and other medical tools on a white towel on the tray. I stayed focused on his tools as he spoke.

"The night before, I didn't have a proper chance to examine you. Having the company of fellow co-workers only prevented me from-"

He stopped himself as he thought of another word. Instead he shrugged and continued walking towards the sink.

"Vell, I was very stressed the night before and didn't had the time for just you and me. But now, I am vell rested, and we have proper privacy to continue."

The Medic returned with his large right hand holding a cup of water... his hands are well manicured. The man doesn't bother putting new gloves on? I accepted the cup and took a sip like one often would.

"Spit"

I spat into a basin conveniently located next to the table. The liquid was pink with little dark specks of dirt and little pinks chunks of flesh floating around in it. I threw up, clutching the sides of the basin for dear life as I vomited and heaved whatever digesting inside me back up. My mouth throbbed worse now, like my heartbeat was beating in through my gums. My eyes watered up a bit, staring at the un-digested lumps of apple and other disgusting matter. I took another sip of water and swallowed. I hope that wasn't a symptom of something serious. Medic peered over my shoulder, sounding ever so chipper.

"Good. Now, take off your shirt and show your palms."

I obeyed at once, I hated this fucking shirt more then I hated being here. Also, it was disgustingly filthy. Filthy with dirt marks, dust and holes from rocks, even more so then my skin was. I tried not to think the motives why he would want my clothes off though. But it's just my shirt, the faster we get this over with, faster I can get out. Once the shirt was off and taken, the Medic advanced. This time, to my surprise, gently tilting my head up. I opened my mouth like I resembled a baby bird waiting for mealtime worms. The Doctor went in, yanking a tool from behind his back and inserted into my mouth. He poked my upper left gum with the mysterious, sharp tool. My breath must smell something horrid, especially after vomiting. Besides that, I haven't had a chance to brush my teeth in days, I will have to talk to someone about that. I tried not to shiver, or move, speak, shallow or respond to the various modes of pinching and prodding and whatever the hell that man was doing inside my mouth. Shivering was the hardest not to do, it was cold. The Medic did smell nice though, that's a plus.

"The Soldier told us you like stories. I do have a few that might amuse you."

He muttered as he worked. I was glad. I spent most of the day getting my ears blown out by the Soldier and his rocket launcher. But I still prefer the soft, kind voice of the Engineer. The doctor pulled back, suddenly perplexed by my open palms I still had positioned in front of my chest. I allowed myself to close up my mouth and watch him grab my left hand to examine it. His forefinger slowing trailing along my lifeline, tracing the faint red marks and bumps decorating my palm. I felt Goosebumps grow all over my body as he faintly stroked my hand.

"What are these? Scars?" Referencing to the pink splotches on my hands and lower arms.

"Phirecrackers" I explained sheepishly. I had a boring adolescence.

Medic chuckled, "You're an amateur Pyromaniac hmm? Ack, look at this."

He let my hand drop, motioning to the rest of me.

"You are red all over. Sunburn."

I knew whatever redness spread on my face like a infected rash was clearly wounds from my accident. I couldn't state whatever he was talking about on my chest though. He strolled around the table, his hands clasped behind his back muttering even quieter. Almost like a whisper. I think he was even talking in German. Is he talking to me? I don't think he's talking to me this time. He marched back to his spot in front of me, and immediately snapped my mouth open like he never left.

"Anyvay, I have an interesting story for you. You see that coat hanger on the wall over there?"

He nodded his head towards a rusty wire coat hanger hanging on a nail on the other wall before he tilted my head back again. I spotted it before he did so. It was sharply bent into a zigzag with bits of blackish, grey gunk all over it. It didn't fit with the motif of the rest of the room though. That scrap of metal is probably more situated in a madman's garden shed. Which in Medic's case isn't far off.

"'es." I answered.

Medic kept working, "Once, as a field representative, I had to sew a man back together with it. I kept it, after it fell out when the flesh rotted away though. Now, hold still-"

I felt a sharp jab, I could feel the needle push through my gum. I tried to keep my tongue flattened on the floor of my mouth as much as I could. My neck ached from the strain, I hoped this would be over soon. I don't know how much longer I could keep my head still. Why couldn't Medic do this in a dentist chair? The pain intensified. It was like the Medic was sewing shoestring along the insides of the inner sides of my jaw and then yanked on it with all his strength. I allowed a mulled, yet high cry escape from my mouth. Medic released me.

"There. How is that?"

Oh that mocking, deriding nazi bitch. What? he didn't hear my girlish scream? I would had repeated it if my pride would had allowed it.

"That hurt!" my voice was still shrill though.

I was nearly in tears, the sick in my stomach was clenching like a fist, like it would explode. I don't think I could muster another heave again. It hurt worse like being punched in the face. But at least I could talk a bit normally now. I bitterly wished I never decided rocket jumping was a good idea. How was it a good idea in the first place! I reminded myself to hit myself in regret later on.

"We try out your medi-gun?" I asked, holding back a gag, ignoring the pain inside. I didn't want him to think I just wanted him to fix me up and leave, even though that was my exact intentions. I still have to be polite. I shivered as I waited for an answer, the Medic simply chuckled. He wagged his finger at me with a glint in his eye, like I was asking for candy before dinner.

"Ahah, now, if I used that thing all the time it would defeat my purpose now would it?"

And that story. It was nothing exciting like the Soldier's story. He didn't even do the voices, or explained why that man was ripped in half. Was he just saying this to frighten me? Other days, it would have done its job. But right now, I merely returned to my auto-pilot state as Medic grabbed my mouth again. I felt dizzy, cold, ill and tired, I just wanted whatever he was doing over with.

"That should be good."

He turned around again while I gingerly lowered onto the ground upon shaky legs. I could still taste the metallic blood from the back of my mouth. I couldn't dare move my tongue over the scars.

"I hear that you are interested in joining in tomorrow's battle."

I turned to him, Medic was leaning on the large, GlaDOS healing apparatus. With a click of a switch from the power box at the side, a thick red beam flushed out from the nozzle and instantly found its way to me. It felt fantastic, like sinking into a hot bath. It was euphoric to say the least, the pain in my mouth instantly dissipating and replaced by blissful endorphins. Medic talked as he let the beam wash over me, ignoring the strange sounds I was making. I could actually feel the flesh and gum inside of my mouth twitch and shift and the stitches grow tighter.

"I temporarily added your DNA structure with the little blood I took the night before. Anyvay, I couldn't help but notice the...vhat do you call it... hemp product inside your coat the other night. Such substances are not allowed on the base. But as a doctor, I am allowed privileges others are not. I like to experiment with such. Mixing, adding, experimenting. I've created many different types of medicine to make my job simple and keep my patients happy. But of course-"

He turned off the gun with mild annoyance as I wasn't paying attention. I was bracing myself against the table ready to faint. I was suddenly very tired, yet alert. He cranked up the gun towards the ceiling and sauntered over to me, hands behind his back again. He continued.

"Of course, I cannot be sure what these substances will do to my team whether they work for or against us. Und vith your keenness for such, I have many, many things for you to sample. Both under my supervision, and vithout. In return, you get my recommendation and the elevation you desire. Vhat do you say eh?"

He smiled, but it didn't appear to be a nice one. It was a crafty, sneaky smile, untrustworthy. I thought hard, but not that hard, I wasn't capable of it at the moment. Free drugs though? And becoming a lab rat lackey for his insane experiments in return? What next? Will he ask me to attach another head to my shoulders? How about removing my cock while he's at it? Is that is worth a battle I already have consent for? I've had enough.

"That won't be needed. Can I go now?" I was trying to be as civil as possible.

"No, remove your pants"

I honestly wasn't expecting that.

"What?" My mouth agape.

"I want to examine you."

_No_

"I don't want an examination."

"Relax kind. I wouldn't be practicing my proper duties as a doctor if I don't give you a full bill of health before I let you go."

He was being way too nice now, almost patronizing in a way. Like he was talking like I was simple minded. Much different than the scowling Medic I met last night. How suspicious.

"Come, come now. I don't have all day." He coerced, taking a pen and clip bored off the table.

I didn't move,

"I'm totally healthy now, I went to the doctors a day before I go here." I lied. I was ready to bookend it out of here in a moment. I would beg too, but I bet he'd get off on something like that. He seemed like that sort.

He still wore that hideous smile.

"Let's compromise then. I take a vial of blood and a few simple procedures for my notes and we'll call it a day."

I reluctantly nodded, that sounded reasonable. So, the Medic approached, a large syringe in hand. I almost jutted out of the room, but I held still. I braced myself, as the long thin tube punctured my skin, I dared not look. Only when the doctor left with a sample of my blood, I checked my wound. I suddenly wished I was watching, he could had really injected something instead! I reasoned with myself, don't start getting paranoid now. I stared at my hands as he checked my ears and took a skin sample from the back of my neck. My pink, faint burn marks were completely gone. I remember my dad lecturing me about them, that they will always be a there as a symbol of my recklessness. Whose laughing now dad? Me I guess. Dad wasn't laughing, he was angry. It was Brain and Kate who were the ones having a laugh. Medic was checking my blood pressure now. The cuff around my arm squeezed rather painfully. Thankfully, my wilful mind swayed me from flinching.

"Your heart pressure is alarming."

He tore the cuff off my arm, what a relief.

"May I ask, how old are you again?"

"Twenty-four."

"Oh"

Medic crossed something off his sheet from his clip bored and scribbled something else. He turned around with his report back to his desk.

"You may put your clothes back on."

Thank heavens, maybe now I can leave. Heh, maybe. The second I grabbed my shirt from a chair, Medic voice rang out once more.

"Are you interested in staying overnight? I have several beds available."

His out-stretched arm directed my attention to the rows of neatly made, wheeled beds all in a row, the head facing against the wall. I started shivering again.

"Yes, I'm sure you feel apprehensive, but nothing a few anxiolytics injected into your system won't make you more..."

He stopped himself again and smiled that horrible smile at me. I noticed these hospital beds had several leather straps attached to the sides. I made up my mind at once.

"No thank you Doctor, I am feeling hungry. Really hungry. I'm going to head towards the kitchen."

He didn't answer right away, but rolled in his leather chair to his desk. He rested his head on his hands to stare at me, almost like he was daydreaming.

"Did anyone tell you how unflattering that outfit makes you look?"

I knew.

"I know."

"Are you sure you want to leave? I have many other stories. like the time-"

He stopped to snigger a bit, like he could barely contain the laugh inside.

"Like- like the time, I vas visiting a friend of mine, at the circus in Czeh- Cz-zhe dancing bear, it ripped a clowns head clean off-"

"-and-"

-and we- *snort* ve played ball with it. WITH the bear!"

The doctor burst into hysterical laughter, his hand gripping the table. It was a bit funny, but I couldn't laugh. I planted a fake grin on my face though and gave a quiet laugh while the doctor composed himself.

"Ah, yes. Those were fond times." he chuckled, removing his glasses and wiping a single tear.

If I was myself and wasn't under these unique circumstances, I'd probably stay a little while. But as now, I was on a mission. A mission to escape and find food. I grabbed my shirt and gave a friendly smile and nod. Rolling the fabric into my fist, I tried as fast as I could to yank it over my head and pulling my arms into the right holes.

"Wait, I have something more for you."

To my utter shock, it was a big red lolli. My hand trembled as I hesitantly took the candy from the Medic, with an almost taunting grin.

"Gutt, come again soon."

I found the door, of course it was on the other side of the damn room. The walk from his desk to the pair of flappy exits seemed like the longest I had in a long time.

"Don't worry about the stitches! They should fall out on their own!" he called out after me.

Thank fucking god. Pressing my hands on one of them, it swung open with ease and swung back after I left. The corridor was dark, with only a dim little light from the wall lighting the way. It felt odd, being back out when I was just sitting in another unfamiliar place. I felt dead inside again. Depressed. I walked down in the dark, it must be night-time now. What felt like forever really was forever! I must had been there for hours! I really hope I don't have another run in with a madman.

"Jack?"

Thank goodness, it was the Engineer's voice. I looked for his body, it was half buried in shadows at the other side of the hall. Now I can acquaint myself with a sane person

"I just got away from Medic. I-"

"What the hell was that? He snapped

I was taken aback, Engineer wasn't wearing his handsome smile, but a furious glower. The Engineer was mad? At what? He stomped towards me, much like Soldier did this afternoon. Just this, this looked intimidating.

"What the hell was that? Goin' rocket-jumping? You know I had ta convince all them to keep you here and wadda you do? I never thought- What were you thinking!"

I wasn't ready to respond, I was too surprised. All I could muster was a confused quacking noise from the back of my mouth.

"In all my life, I never met such irresponsibly, such recklessness! You could ha' died! An' I-"

He stopped abruptly and looked up at me, with a heart-breaking look. He was silent, like he was waiting for a reply.

"I wanted to fit in" was my excuse.

He face palmed.

"God dammit Jack" he muttered into his hand.

I threw whatever was that was in my hand, which was the lolli, onto the floor as hard as I could. I heard it shatter, but I didn't bother to look. Giving him a cold glare, I moved past him and got away as fast as I could from the situation. I don't care if I'm walking in restricted areas, not caring if I would get in trouble for walking the base alone. All was on my mind was anger. Warm air from the corridor sweep over me, shoving more doors in front of me like they personally done me wrong. I walked left for a while, before turning around when I realized I was going down the wrong way. The nerve of that man. He only knew me for a day and he acts like my mother or something? And I couldn't get to put a word in edgewise. Had he knew how I felt, he'd be a lot more sympathetic. What does he know anyway? He wasn't the one being passed on one to another all day, making me feel unwelcomed and unwanted. I had no clue where I was going, I didn't bother looking at the signs plaster above me. I just kept walking. I found an exit.

Almost instinctively, I reached for my pack from my right trouser pocket. I felt the edge of my stash-bag and my light. I almost took it, but then let it be. I took out my pack and removed one from the thin foil. Lighting the smoke I relished in the cool desert air, feeling it surround me and calm me. Listening to the crunch of my heavy boots hit gravel and dust. I rechecked my carton to see what's in stock. I was on to my last cigarette. As much as I was angry, I was very proud of myself. I couldn't find any other sign of the rest of the RED team. I assumed, the majority of the team have chosen to wait out in the cool of the shade then waiting inside where one of them was busy preheating food in the hot kitchen. I decided to collect myself behind the base, watching the vast desert, ignoring the loud noise from the other side of the tracks. The sunset illuminated the sky and the clouds in the distance in a blood red colour, which even I would have to admit, was very pretty indeed. The stars twinkled above on the blanket of the tint of dark blue by the time I reached for my carton again. It was starting to get colder though. I treated myself to the last smoke, it was very pleasant. I was feeling a bit better already. Alas, I still felt the strange ache in my gut, a throb growing up my insides and up into my lungs. I wondered if the Medic did smuggle some sort of drug into my system before I left. But I knew all too well that what I was feeling was of mixture of guilt, self pity and anger. I made another vow; no drugs, no alcohol until I go home. Unless the others have a little celebration, then I could smoke the rest. Perhaps the stimulants could depress my arrival and make it smoother.

I don't want to apologize- well I do, but I feel foolish doing it. Apologizing would make me admit I was wrong, and that'll be embarrassing. I remembered when I had to apologize to Kate for something I did when we were younger, but not meaning a word of it. Engineer wasn't a bratty sibling, Engineer was my only way home. If I ever was to return, I'd have to make him my friend. I have to make him trust me, to make him believe I worth going through all that trouble to get me home again. Even if I have to help him take apart respawn, wrench in hand, I'll do it.

I pondered for a bit in thought. I remembered what Sniper said earlier, that he had a mean streak or something like that. Are Texans the ones who hold grudges? Would Engie would even accept my humble apology? I remembered yesterday, how he stood by me the entire time, making me breakfast, letting me out of my closet-prison. Staying up late even though he had to get up early the next morning. I suppose, it was truly I who had broke the trust. I must now man up and take responsibility. I scoffed. That would be something Kate would say. Even in a different world she has her clingy self righteous paws all over me. Damn, I miss her.

But now, I relax and meditate, calm myself down. I breathed in through my nose, and exhaled through my mouth. Then I took a puff from my cigarette. Repeat. Although there was madness here, it really was a nice night now. The crickets sang peacefully, the desert grass rustled softly in the calm desert breeze, the clashing and banging of a trashcan lid and the muffled noises coming from the other side of the wall I was leaning against. I went to investigate the racket, sauntering over like I owned the place. I found the paved clearing where the RED team leave their trash. It was a fenced area with many cans and bins filled with garbage and food spoils. And there was a dark figure was rummaging through them. I could recognize the shape, so I called out.

"Hello?"

A face looked up at me, arm high in trash.

I was face to face with a stranger.


	19. Meet the Neighbour

**Chapter 19**

**Meet the Neighbour**

It was a real woman. It wasn't the Administrator, it wasn't Miss Pauling, it wasn't even the Demoman's elderly mother. It was a woman I've never seen before, not in game nor in real life. Her worn blue dusty jeans were cut off into blue worn, dusty shorts cut modestly just below the knee. A simple plaid work shirt completed the ensemble along with the pink bandanna keeping up her brown curly hair in a single tossed bun. Her light-ish, dark skin almost glowed with a natural...glow with only a dark smear of something across her cheek. She was foreign in ancestry obviously I thought, and quite gorgeous. She stared at me up from that trashcan with vivid dark brown eyes, not moving...not an inch, like moving would startle me. Likewise, I did the same in fear she would attack for no reason if I slightly budged.

"Who are you?" she finally spoke, after what felt like forever of just staring at one another.

It was an American accent, not a southern one like I thought, but one just the same. A Texas accent would suit her, like any other accent would. My visit to the Medics still had me body trembling and my mouth was sore to say the least. But, I forced some words out of it to seem pleasable and friendly.

"I'm new. I'm Jackson."

She stood straight, pulling her arms from the dirty depths of the bin. She was trying to keep a professional air, even though she was dressed as a farmer and was covered in filth. A single lock of thick, dark hair fell just so on her round face over her curved eyebrows. Gorgeous.

"New?" she asked, eyeing me.

And- Oh dear... how do I explain this? To a civilian? A supposed farm civilian?

"I'm not a class, I'm- well, it's a ridiculous story. What's your name?"

"I'll be the one asking names. You didn't give me yours."

"It's Jackson."

"Yes, right." She brushed that lock of hair out of her face, her thin mouth pressed to together as tight as they could go. I pulled my back straight, she was a bit shorter than me, a bit taller then the Engineer.

"Do you mind explaining what you're doing here Jackson?" she sounded like a policeman.

"Just puttering around. Smoking, enjoying the evening. Want one?" I reached into my pocket, back for my carton and extending it for her.

"No. Why are you-"

She stared at the pack I held in my hand.

"Those are _Commanders_."

I double checked the pack, they were. She blinked at me with surprise, I merely shrugged.

"Yeah, want one?"

The woman's eyes went round, darting from my face to the pack in my hand. She seemed lost for words before swallowing whatever was in her mouth.

"Spy, is that you?"

"You know him? Are you a Spy too? Like, uncover?" I asked. Wouldn't that be a twist?

She blinked, then shook her head. It appeared she shook herself back to reality.

"I- No, I live near here, I have a cabbage farm. I... you're not Spy are you?"

Sometimes, I wish I was. I took this time to tap the ash off the end.

"No, he's inside."

I offered the carton again, she hesitantly took one and placed it behind her ear. We stood a moment in silence before she spoke again.

"You're not from around here are you?"

"No."

Silence again. I let my cigarette burn for a bit. Slowly inhaling, and letting the smoke run out from my nostrils. I tilted my head slightly to look over at her. She was starting to shiver and crossed her arms.. I ran my tongue over the brand new grooves in my gums and tongue, thinking of something new to say. Alright, let's start over. Time to lay down the old Jackie charm.

"What's your name?"

I offered my hand. She stared at it as if my hands that was burring through trash like a starving creature.

"Lucy" she finally said, giving hers.

We shook hands. Her hands were soft and tiny, but a bit grimy from the garbage moisture.

"So, going through rubbish bins for cans?" I asked, after discreetly wiping my hands against the back of my pants and sticking one into my pockets for protection.

"I'm... just out for a walk...and I tripped..." She muttered, her gaze moving to the ground.

"So, you live around here then."

I didn't know others lived around here near a battlefield, even a farm. I didn't even know if they were even allowed to. It was the oddest thing though, I was having a normal conversation. With a normal person that didn't involve me being afraid and worried about running my mouth. Hell, I could even say whatever I want!

"A bit. You're not a Spy? Or a merc?" she asked again.

She sat, well leaning, against the same bin she was looking through. I settled for a closed garbage bin, which was one spared from her search. She rubbed her left temple in confusion.

"I just- I'm just trying to understand. You don't work for RED? Or for BLU then?"

"I don't work for them, I'm staying for a bit."

"I don't understand. You're just...visiting?"

I was surprised a simple civilian cabbage farmer would know all this and even ask these questions. Do the people in this universe know about RED and BLU? I better be discreet.

"Just for a while, while they sort out things for me."

"Like? How did you get here?"

"Funny thing really. I was at home-So I was there, then everything went black and cold and poof, I was here."

She stared at me like I was insane. I don't blame her.

"Teleport mishap" I explained, "You do know about teleporters right?"

"Who doesn't?"

"Yeah, well, one of them inside accidently teleported me here and we're on our way to reversing it."

"From where? Australia?"

If that would guarantee a date, then yes. Ladies love the accent.

"England." giving her an imaginary wink.

She stared at me in silence. I stared back. I suddenly didn't feel as confident as I did before. Instantly, I realized I _could_ say anything I wanted but didn't. I could have told her anything BUT the truth, but instead frightened this poor woman. Well, maybe she'll think my story was an attempt to make a funny. Maybe she'll laugh and we could talk about something else.

"It was nice meeting you." She stood.

_Dammit_

"I-"

"I got -pies in the oven. And a hour and a half long hike. I better get going."

I let her go, she turned around and made her way towards the wood fence. Taking a large inhale of fresh air, I too made my way back towards the lights lighting the doorframe.

"Jackson?"

I turned, "Hmm?"

Lucy was already was past the fence, her body covered in the shadows.

"Watch yourself. Those men inside are dangerous. They find an excuse to kill you, they will."

She kept going. Taking another breath and exhaling, I went inside for some supper.


	20. Rude Awakening

**Rude Awakening**

_Five years of French learnin' at school with the brightest minds and scholars and I finally can use my skill... what am I doing with my life?  
_

* * *

There was one thing Spy hated. That, was lack of routine. Yes, he does enjoy the wild bustles of new exploits and pursuit of adventure. One day here and gone the next, there and back again. Nonetheless, that was more suited away from his job. But here in the humdrum middle of the desert, routine was a necessary essential. The Spy was always an early riser, among both Engineer and mostly the Soldier, who doesn't seem to sleep at all. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy sleeping in. It was that he has to keep a step forward at all times though, keep ahead of everyone else and still appear surprised when something you saw a mile away suddenly occur.

Unlike this past week. Nothing could had prepared him for this. A supposed teleport accident conveying an English fool with it. Still, he kept his poker-face on and stuck to his routine like he always did. It was nights like this, when things like that teleporter accident and misplacing your cigarette case and later finding it covered with Scout's disgusting soda on the floor of the common room really take a toll on a man. His back straining, the brightness of the summer sun suddenly aching his sensitive eyeballs, almost mulling the senses. So, for one of the first nights in many months, Spy decided to go to bed early. Standing in the jab of the sun, with his uncultured teammates watching some stupid man kill himself with a rocket launcher like some mindless entertainment show did not appeal at all to him. At first, Spy had no intention of sleeping. But soon, whilst reading feel into a blissful slumber. Until his sleep was interrupted but a loud tapping.

"Ne parlez...pas à moi s'il vous plaît" he muttered into his pillow before shifting around onto his back. The tapping continued. Spy finally woke up, he thought the noise came from a dream he was having. The tapping continued thus more.

"Yes?" Spy spoke louder, lifting his head up towards the door.

"It's me." a muffled voice was heard, from the window.

Spy looked up towards it. Through the filter of sleep-sand and the dark, he could see an outline. It was her. Her poofy, messy mass on her head that she called hair was muddled up on top like a dead turnip. She was dressed in her farmer's disguise, which resembled what she usually wears- was that shit smeared on her face? Yes, it was Felizita pressing her mug up onto the glass of his filthy window. He rolled up and opened the window, allowing the cool air from the night breeze in. Spy resisted the urge to shudder from both the chill and the throb in his spine.

"Hmm... I can declare that I didn't expect you to be visiting me at his hour." Spy asked, leaning his head on his writing hand. No matter what the time of day or night, he must always appear laissez-faire.

"I was making sure you were here." she gave a sigh of relief, "I thought they replaced you. And what are you doing? It's nine at night. Were you sleeping?"

The Spy winced at her loud whisper. His mask was uncomfortably askew.

"Not too loud Jolie. I just was dosing off. Lost track of time I suppose."

Words couldn't describe how much he loathed Felizita. RED often tried to hire experienced or at least competent individuals. But Felizita, she is the description of an amateur want to be. He had the displeasure of being stuck with her for weeks in South America, following a lead on another Spy gone rouge. Spy spent one day with her and he already despised her enough to quit right there and then. She, pretending like she knew what she was doing, and him going along with it. All her terrible plans and her delusions, fallacy about everything and her annoying, mind-numbing conversations. Like he cared about what every little thing she thought. And not to mention, terrible in bed. He could get off easier trying to stick his penis through a keyhole then one night with her. But right now, interrupting his sleep was almost the last straw for him. Still, he will ignore that, he will ignore everything little annoying thing she's ever done. For now...For now, he will keep up his facade. But one day, if any blade makes its way through the thin stretch of flesh and in-between the flat discs of her spinal column, it would be his.

"Anyway, what brings you to my window?" Spy said, trying to ignore what he hoped was just mud on her face.

"Who's that guy stumbling around outside?"

Spy stopped himself from reacting. Yet, he couldn't help the physical reacting inside his body. The heat rising in his belly, the heat from the anger and disappoint from this pathetic week. Too much for keeping Jackson a secret. Perhaps she just saw Scout wearing the foreigner's jacket. Scout is always stealing others things, as he's well aware. If he twisted what she saw enough, she would forget about the man and leave him alone.

"I don't know who you are talking about."

"Really? Because I just had a _very _interesting conversation with this guy from England who came here by teleport."

Spy was exhausted, yet attempt to pull on his best poker-face as possible.

"Who?"

"Jack, JACK!"

_Merde_

"You...saw him then?"

"YES. He caught me near the garbage cans. Dad to tell him I was a farmer."

_They did let him outside._

Spy slammed his fist on the sill. Too much for keeping it all a secret, too much for his plan. Failure after failure was all in his cards. And now he had to talk to her. Her voice was shrill to say the least. Like a sow, or one of those stupid pigeons Medic keeps . It pierced through the air like a cannon ball aimed for the head.

"The jig is up Spy. What's going on? Who is he?"

Spy composed himself.

"He is no one."

"Lair. He seemed to know a hell of a lot of what's going on. If he's some sort of cruel joke those... thugs are arranging-"

"I assure you, he isn't."

"Sure he is. Then why you and the others haven't beaten him to a bloody pulp yet?"

"You really don't think much of us do you?"

She scoffed, "I really don't."

"No matter. I assure you, once everything is clear, I'll let you know. But at the moment-"

He leaned in closer, ignoring the strain in his back to appear suave.

"You must promise me, give me your word, that you won't tell anyone from RED about this. This must be between you, me and the team."

"How can you honestly make me do that? I already put my neck on the line far too many times for you and your gimmicks. Do you have any possible idea what could happen to me if _she_ found out?"

"I understand Jolie, I do."

He slipped his hand into hers, ignoring the dirt and grime between her fingernails.

"I value you. I value you with all my heart. I know the anguish and danger you could get into, and it hurts me to no end. Jolie, I want to get as much as I can from this situation, so It is crucial that no one from RED knows about him being here, at least not yet. Then, I will allow you to get all the glory, as you well deserve."

"What are you planning Spy?" Her voice softened. His words worked again. One thing for sure, besides all her faults, she was terribly easy to manipulate. Hopefully as easy as Jackson will be.

"Nothing, really. He is a unique source of information. I intend to bleed him dry of it."

"Figuratively?" she reluctantly asked, rising a hairy eyebrow.

"Haven't decided...Is that a cigarette behind your ear."

"Yeah, he gave me one."

"This is my brand."

"I know. It was the last of a whole pack."

Spy slammed his fist on the sill again and swore.


	21. Beatings at Badwater

**Beatings at Badwater**

_In this chapter, Jackson is in the thick of battle and fights against a Engineer and a Scout. Shall he prevail or die? Why do these OC stories end up like this? We will find out now._

* * *

It was already five to six. Where did the time go? Was I placed in a time displacement loop while trapped in the clutches of the Medic? Or maybe like Narnia, definition of time is different here. Thinking about it gave me a headache, so I stopped worrying about it. For dinner, Sniper 'bagged' about five wild rabbits. Although I didn't eat any of it, it certainly looked an infinity times better then whatever Soldier made last night.

"That's nothin'." Demoman told me, "You should had seen what he made last. Whatever it was, twas tryin' to crawl off the table!"

I was ecstatic, Sniper decided not to cook the rabbit with the potatoes.

"I hate rabbit gravy mixed in with the veg anyway." Sniper said with a shrug.

I could have kissed the man. Dinner was a quiet affair though. Me, Engineer, the Heavy and Medic ate in the kitchen while the rest of the team converged in the common area watching TV. It was silent, with the exception of the sound of knife against plate as Medic cutting his food into little pieces and the muffled sound of the television in the next room. Pyro was gone of course, Heavy told me that Pyro never ate with the team. Or anything else otherwise. Spy was again missing, Heavy merely shrugged.

"Spy perhaps has a headache." he explained.

While everyone ate the rabbit meat, I stuck with roasted potatoes and carrots with soft salted butter and with a pinch of salt. It was heaven. As I ate, I went over my apology to Engineer in my mind. Perhaps I could word it so it would sound like an apology but wasn't one. I also reminded how selfish and self righteous of a prick I am for not admitting I went wrong. I looked over to the Engineer, he was focused on his meal like everyone else. I waited till Medic and Heavy were deep in conversation about diversion tactics to speak quietly to him. I could hear Soldier yelling about something in the other room. I swallowed and began.

"Engineer-"

"It's fine Jack."

I left it at that. That was it, that is the way it should be simple understanding between two males when they are both in the wrong. It's never like this with girls or old people. They expect a well planned, long drawn out performance with a gift. Not men like Engie. He knew I was sorry and that was that. I ate the rest of my meal, much more cheerful then I was earlier.

Sleeping back in the storage closet wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Someone put a cot during the day, complete with a single pillow and wool blanket. When Engie told me, that unless I was piss drunk again and helpless, they couldn't just allow me to sleep in the living room or anywhere else. It was dangerous apparently. Around half past ten, Engineer escorted me to my closet and said goodnight. Before he left however, he left me pair of RED issue pyjamas. With his warm smile and his gift, it felt just like Christmas. I slept with ease that night. Although, my mouth did start to ache in the dead of the night. I was so tired, I ignored it and told myself to tell anyone except Medic in the morning.

The day started again. I couldn't tell what time of day it was inside my closet. But I took a wild guess it was morning, judging that someone was slamming on the door repeatedly yelling "SLACKING IS PROHIBBITED!". I opened up and walked towards the workshop in my pyjamas. It was another early morn. This time however, the base was abuzz with morning routine from all members of the RED team. Rushing the corridors, with weapons, coffee cups and hats in hand. I passed quietly, not alerting attention to myself, sneaking towards the workshop. As normal, Engie was tinkering away on something that wasn't the Respawn device. He looked tired and pasty. Even more so then I. How much sleep did he get? After the routine 'good mornings' and 'I'm fine', I summed up the courage to ask Engineer for soap to borrow and a shaving kit. And if it wasn't a bother, another change of clothes. Engineer complied, giving what I wanted and- another pack of smokes! They weren't _Commanders_ like I had before, but the RED brand. I didn't care, they were smokes and they were free. A new face, new socks, shirt and underwear and a brand new pack of smokes. I shaved up quickly, delighted it was a razor I was used to and not an eighteenth century equivalent. I wouldn't have time to shower today, scrubbing under the pits of my arms and a dabble of soap on my neck will have to do. Nonetheless, I looked like a new man as I glazed at myself in the mirror. I was glad I didn't have to go commando today. The shirt he gave me appeared to be one of his, a simple button up RED work shirt. It was baggy, but much better than the cat-shirt Scout lent me. I threw the damn thing in laundry. Scout can clean it. I went back to the mirror to pull at my hair a bit, so it at least looked a bit managed. I really started to feel like one with this world, and felt proud to be in tune. And with that, feeling more relaxed and at ease. Blimey, I felt good.

I had to sit out on pre-fight preparations. Engie promised to give me the outline when he had the time. I saw the Spy only briefly. He didn't look as deadpan and blank as he usually did- well he did, but in an exhausted, worn-out way. Almost how I looked yesterday morning. He ignored me when I waved at him from afar. I guess my cheerfulness was too much for him.

We ended driving all together in a large army truck. I chatted to Demoman on the ride over, squeezed in-between him and Sniper. I was glad I wasn't stuck next to Scout, who was jabbing his sharp-ish looking elbow into Spy's side. On purpose I might add, the fifth time he did it didn't look like an accident. Spy ignored it, staring straight ahead with an expressionless look. Poor man. Heavy sat in front of me, handing me something wrapped in parchment paper.

"Here, eat half."

I unfolded the paper, it was a sandvich.

"Eat half now, eat other later when you need it." Heavy explained.

"You want my meat?" Ignoring how much of a innuendo it sounded. Scout sniggered though, he must have got it.

"Meat is best part! It'll make you strong!"

"My condition-" I reminded him. Heavy rolled his eyes while Medic interjected.

"Ah yes. I was meaning to discuss that with you. A hereditary brain disorder you said?"

"From a tick." I added.

Medic frowned but didn't say anymore. I was glad. I pulled the thin slices of ham and gave it to Heavy, who appeared to had inhaled it and I pocketed the rest of it in one of the various pockets in my pants. I'll probably won't eat it, but it was a nice gesture all the same. Eventfully, we made it to our dusty destination. Badwater was exactly how I imagined it would look, like the game. It looked bigger though, and dusty. Engie swung his toolbox onto his shoulder from the back of the van and ushered me to follow him. Which I did. We separated from the others, still unpacking from the cab, into the depths of RED territory. Engie picked a remote spot inside one of the main RED buildings, overlooking the traffic line towards the final capture point. About a few yards away.

"ATTENTION! MISSION BEGINS IN THREE MINUTES" the speakers from above roared.

I muffled the mad schoolgirl giggles. Clutching the shotgun Engie provided, I hopped foot to foot eagerly, waiting for the game to begin. The shotgun felt strange and cold in my hands, the helmet soldier lent me obtruded my view and my stomach twisting in fear. I knew there was a chance, a very good chance in fact, that I may not make out alive. But damn, I felt so happy at the moment, I didn't even care. My heart was racing, my lips dry, goose bumps growing all over my skin.

I was loving every moment of it.

Engineer was crouched down, hastily building up a dispenser. He glanced up from his tinkering and gave me another warm smile. One like a father would give to his son after riding a bicycle on his own.

"Settle down Jack, the battle hasn't even started yet." He chuckled.

I felt embarrassed for the both of us, and decided to tone it down a tad.

"I know Engineer, it's just- I'm so-! Joining you in battle!"

"This isn't a game, this is dangerous. You don't have a respawn chip. And yer not going to be doing any real fightin', that's our job. That shutgun is for defensive purposes only."

I glanced down at it.

"Yes, but if I see a Spy, I'm going to hit him over the head."

Another warm smile that made my knees turn to butter.

"That, I give you permission for"

Pyro ran past us, humming a happy tune as it ran. Engie's sentry beeped in response, but as it didn't see the masked ally as a threat, returned to its former position and kept up with his rounds. I had no idea they were self aware.

"I didn't know they are self aware."

"In a way yeah. I more or less simply programmed them to notice certain stimuli and how to respond to 'im. It just keeps me company, even if it's all imitation." Engie shrugged.

I suppressed the urge to reach out and pet it. It wouldn't have recognized it anyway and I'd look like a fool. Engie dusted his hands, stood with his knees creaking and gave another look over our area.

"Alrighty, everything is set up. Let's go over the plan once more. These RED weapons are programmed to not kill any RED members. So feel free to shoot anyone that comes near yeah, they might be a Spah-"

Spy Check? I was given permission to Spy check? That would mean I'm allowed to shoot my shotgun! This was going to be fun!

"-I'm going to stay with ya the entire time, but if anything happens to me, ya need to high tail away from any conflict understand? Get to the RED basement and get yourself up in the Intel. That'll be our ran-dee-vu point alright? Ah, don't worry about the trouble. My strategy is to prevent anyone to circle around to take us from behind. Hope ya don't get sick easily."

I shook my head. If gore and violence was anything like the game, I'll be fine. I can handle bright coloured blood and comical limbs flying around. Scout and the Medic rushed by, Medic barely keeping up to the youth. Neither of them bothered to give a greeting as they past. Engie didn't appear to care either. I noticed Scout was wearing a pilots cap.

"AT EASE!" Solder shouted from the door frame. He was wearing a pot on his head.

"Wearing the lid today Soldier?" Engie asked.

"Will use it to make soup later. With the organs and bones of our enemies!"

Did the Soldiers voice crack? I think it did, he wasn't shouting much today. Engie must had noticed too, but didn't say anything about it

"Soup is good as any. Better than those war rations you make us eat."

"Those war rations are three hundred percent superior then what they had back in forty-six. I didn't even get to eat rations! I had to eat dirt! And was expected to say please and thank you for it! Nothing tastes worse than dirt!"

"I believe you" I squeaked. I had to remind him I was still here, and his biggest fan. If sucking up and kissing ass will get me further from doing push-ups, I'll do it.

"Cadet." he greeted me, "You weren't present at the meeting."

"Not to worry sir, I intend to stay away from any battle, just assisting Engineer." I said confidently with a nod.

"THAT! Is what I wanna hear!"

He clapped me on the shoulder and made off again, following the same path the others took. We watch the Soldier swing his launcher onto his shoulder when he turned left.

"So, how far are you in the Respawn thingy?" I asked after a moments silence. Engineer was back on his knee, tightening the bolts on his sentry.

"Coming along slow. It had twerks innit thanks to my modifications. Hell, nothing I can't handle. I managed to get the teleporter battery off, but it was all I could have time to do. Don't have the time during this time of battle season."

Enigneer must have noticed the familiar look of fear planted on my face like it often did.

"Relax Jack, it'll work fine after I put it back in. It's like a bug screen, and you future fellas can't get in. But I reckon, if I had some extra parts-"

MISSON BEGINS IN ONE MINUTES

The noise interrupted us. I heard Heavy bellow something in the distance.

"So you have to order some new parts then?"

Keep talking Engie, I can't stand the sound of suspense silence.

"I was thinkin' of stealin' them."

Oh

"Oh... how?"

"Midnight raid on BLU. We did that once before, 'bout a year back when rations were low. Most of the team were on long weekend leave. Just a Sniper, a Demoman and Engineer to deal with. Wasn't a big battle, even with most of our team gone too."

-FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE!

CONTROL POINT ENABLED! MOOVE!

The horn rang out. I immediately heard the rat-a-tats of gunfire off into the distance. Engie didn't seemed phased, wandering towards his sentry, idling with screwing on another bolt or greasing a joint. I wondered what to do. I moved next to the dispenser, it seemed safer. I heard a noise right of me, I pointed my gun towards it. It was just the wall. It could have seen a Spy. I wondered if I should just fire around the room, but that would have to include explaining why I did that to Engineer and I don't think I could go through all that. The sentry suddenly beeped and fired straight through the opening towards battlements. I must have jumped a metre, my quads were killing me now. Engineer chuckled at me again while the sentry blasted another round.

"My my, we're busy today. They practically runnin' into my gu-"

Engie stopped himself. He suddenly looked alarmed. He spun on the spot towards me.

"Watch fer Spies, I'll be right back"

"Whu?" I asked, but the short statured man already rushed by to look through the other doorway behind us.

"I don't like this. I don't like this one bit" He said out loud, speed walking past again to reload his sentry.

I didn't like it either. Engie promised me no action. And that's what I wanted. With my luck, BLU probably teamed up with the A-Team, Arnold Schwarzenegger and the fucking Chinese army to take us all down. Engineer was busy as ever, and suddenly looking more stressed then before. Hell, this was going south fast.

"Stay here, 'hind the sentry." he yelled back to me, " I think we found another straggler."

I heard a Pyro's dying moans and yelps of pain from a Medic. Engineer reloaded the ammo, smashing away like he was missing a horsefly. He did it again when the Sentry fired once more, but this time, it was the cries of a Heavy. But, I only think it just made him angry. The sentry fired again, and again. I took another step back. This wasn't good, my heart was going to explode if I keep making it beat like it is. Sweat was already pouring down the Engineers brow as the sentry kept firing. I began to panic, why is it still firing? At what? Fucking Conan? The Incredible Hulk? How many were there? Engineer must have been starting to panic too, he gave a fearful shout.

"Hell, they're taking us too soon! We're not ready!"

That's when the bullets started flying. They weren't our bullets, they were going the wrong way. Engineer slammed another sentry piece, trying in vain to repair it back up. The noises his robotic gun made were ear-piercing. They sounded fearful and frantic. A bullet struck the Engineer in the shoulder. He grimaced but kept going but he kept being shot again and again. I only watched in horror. The shower of bullets blanketed upon him and the sentry until it blew up into fire and smoke. I was already running away. This, in fact, was a perfect example of what Engineer meant when he said 'conflict". I heard the bullets follow me, impacting the wall, causing bits of wood and metal to fly everywhere. I gave a bloodcurdling yell as I sprinted down the hallway, the Soldier's helmet flying off my head and crashing behind me. I didn't stop for it, I wouldn't stop for anything. I kept running, zig-zagging through the hallways, hopping down stairs, eyes glued to the ground for wood and not concrete until I found what I was looking for. I sat in the intel room. It was empty, the table bare, the selves bare, the plastic plant in the corner wilting. No intel to steal, no intel to rummage through, nothing. I waited, waited for Engineer, anyone to come by. I remembered that Engineer was dead now, obliterate by fire and bullets. It was odd thinking that, but I knew he was going to come back. It was like playing ball at school. You get hit, you sit out. Wait for another game to start. I felt unusually apathetic about the whole thing and it was starting to worry me. I was changing here, but not much. I felt useless nonetheless. I felt stupid, cowardly. I clasped my hands to keep from shaking, my ears were still ringing from the other Heavy's minigun. I felt truly dead inside one more.

"YO! Incoming!"

I heard the Scouts voice echo through the halls, racing towards me.

"Engie? Engie, where are you?!"

When I stepped out to greet the Scout, he already rounded another corner.

"Scout! Scout!" I yelled out, running after him. Scout came back to stare at me.

"Where's Engie?"

"I ran away, he was fighting. Everything exploded." I panted while catching up to him. I'm not as fit as I should be. Scout rolled his eyes and threw his arms up.

"Thanks, really, you fucked it up! Real good, really."

I wanted to scream that he wasn't there. But he quite possibly seen it all. I kept my mouth shut and my mind closed. RED is in enough trouble as it is. I couldn't help that the BLUS saw through the plan. I wasn't there at the meeting.

"C'mon, I need a dispenser fast. I need ammo."

"I saw some floating up that hallwa-" I started to say.

"Shut up. You wanna help? Find me some metal."

"All right"

I didn't understand what he meant. But I followed suit with Scout, squatting on the ground, gazing the floor like a bum hunting for smokes.

"Bullets, scrap, wha-ever you can find."

I picked some bullet casings from the dirty floor, Scout went searching in a corner. I stood and walked a bit, eyes planted on the ground. Several beeps interrupted my movement. Could it be that Engineer made another sentry? I could hear it from around the bend. I couldn't be sure if it was ours or a BLU though. I tried to peek along the corner, until someone pulled me back by the shirt. Scouts precious metal scattered all over the floor. I heard the sentry in the other room beep in reaction.

"SHUSH! BLU sentry" Scout hissed in my ear. Boy, was I ever glad to have _him_ guard my back. I rubbed my sore neck as he licked his lips and darted his eyes. We were trapped. I was trapped. With him. Fuck.

"Can t go that way. I gotta rejoin, we'll go all 'round. C'mon, and don't forget ta shoot."

We saw a dark flash of something move in front of us. We both halted and stared at each other for confirmation.

"Spy?" called out the Scout.

Scout burrowed his forehead again, no answer.

"I hope that was our Spy, we need to get rid of this sentry fore the others get round-" muttering, rubbing his brow under his hat.

"Goddammit, this was exactly what WE were supposed to be doing." I saw the rusty wheels slowly turn inside his brain as his face grew livid.

"HEYHEY wait! I gotta idea. Yer not an employee, the sentry won't shoot you!"

Fantastic plan.

"I don't know if that's how it works-"

"Worth a shot ain't it? Take one for the team right!?"

I hesitated before moving out in the open.

"-what do I do?"

"I dunno. Go in front and kick it ova or sumthing. Get in there!"

He shoved me into the unknown field. The third level sentry- of course, it has to be a bloody third level- beeped piercingly when I stumbled into its radius. Instead of shooting however, it gave several confusing beeps and chirps. Scout was right anyway, it wasn't shooting at me. A figure stepped out from behind it, pistol drawn. It was the BLU Engineer, Dell. Clad with a mercenary pin and a white Texas gallon hat and a confused frown.

"Who the hell are you?" he asked puzzled, he lowered his pistol a bit.

I was shocked of how much he looked and sounded like my Engineer. Perhaps his voice was a bit lower, but that could be because he's in battle mode. Like the Batman. Oh no, what do I say?

"I- Imu-"

The BLU Engineer stared at me, his gaze frozen in

He must had sensed my fear. His pistol lowered towards the floor and he reluctantly holstered it.

"You hurt?" he asked

"No" I swallowed

He took another step, almost like he didn't believe I was standing in front of him. He finally let his guard down a tad, rubbing the back of his neck with his gloved hand.

"How the heck did you-"

The sentry suddenly beeped in confusion accompanying the ear-shattering noise of bullet against steel. Scout was pumping bullets into the sentries side with his pistol. The sentry started firing randomly, suddenly being thrown back into battle and not knowing where the strange bullets were originating from. Dell snapped back into action himself, spinning on the spot to Scouts hiding place, his hand already to his holster. Using a move I saw on a cartoon, I clasped my fists together and swung as hard as I could go. Lunging my entire body along it into the side of the BLU Engineer's face, knocking his cowboy hat clean off.

"WOOHOO! Atta boy Jacksey!" Scout cheered, still shooting his pistol behind me.

He stumbled, almost to the ground too. Dell growled. I never heard a man growl before. Again, another meaning to the word, 'conflict'. Without thinking about the Scout's safety, I turned and booked it.

"Ya red-bellied son of a bitch! Git back here!" I heard the other Engie yell.

I ran, I ran fast. Scout must had advanced on the Engineer, I could hear a pair of pistols echo behind me. I'll let Scout do his bloody job. I laughed out loud. I couldn't believe I did that, and it was successful too. But unbelievably stupid. I don't have a respawn chip. I don't have any lives, no second chances. Forget taking one for the team. I took several puffs of air. I could hear my heart beat loudly in my ears, I couldn't hear anyone behind me though. I laughed again. Where the hell am I now? I should get back to intel. Safer. More shots were fired either near me or at me. I couldn't just stop and took for landmarks or signs. I looked about, I had no clue where I was.

I was lost.

I read a large sign, it said CONTROL B on it. Wonderful, I was closer to the battle then I was away from it. I saw a RED Pyro in the distance, I was going to call out, until I saw him disappear into a cloud of electric smoke. I bit my lip. I hope I didn't imagine that. I kept going, I saw the RED Medic and Heavy rushing towards a point. I felt embarrassed that I had to ask them for help, but this was a sort of do-or-die situation. For me at least. Like a dead ghost, I rolled myself towards a pile of strategically placed wooded crates and waited for them to come towards me. Luckily, they stopped right next at my hidey-place.

"Medic" I hissed

No answer, he kept his back to me, moving around to stay in the massive shadow of the Heavy weapons guy. I yelled out again and again.

"Medic!"

I'm sure he heard me that time over the ear shattering snaps of the mini-gun. He turned around to face me. This time however he greeted me with a horrified expression of shock. He poked Heavy in the shoulder and nodded his head towards my direction. Heavy responded by walking backwards, covering Medic as he dived towards me and settling in the crates. He crouched uncomfortably next to me, the red beams of his medigun still attached to the huge mass that was Heavy Weapons guy.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"I'm lost and I don't know where I am and I can't find Engineer."

I felt like a fucking child who can't find his mummy. But under these circumstances, I don't care right now. Medic ran his thick rubber glove down the side of his face, making a funny rubbery noise.

"Eeeeei! We're in middle of BATTLE!"

"DOKTOR! ACTIVATE CHARGE NO-OW!"

Medic complied, standing up in a flash and flicking a switch on the bottom of his medigun. The strange device shook as the beams turned deep red, transforming his body and the giant Russian into glowing blood red statues. It was marvellous. I was truly blessed to witness this. The Medic kept close to the Heavy, his attention snapping from to the battle, and back to me. Evenly, the BLU team stopped exploding from the massive bullets ripping through them, and the area was cleared. Heavy took off across the field yelling as he went.

"DOKTOR! COME NOW!"

"Heavy, I'll be a moment, just go!"

Medic returned back to me.

WE LOST ANOTHER CONTROL POINT

Medic swore, "THERE! WE LOST ANOTHER CONTROL POINT!"

"Well, can't you cover me and take me-"

"No, you find your own way! We're-"

A shot rang out. Medic suddenly lurched over from impact to collapse on top of me. The dead weight of the man flattened me completely. I gave a couple of strained cries to anyone that might be listening. At first, I thought he threw himself over me to protect me or something. But it took me a few seconds to gather that I was far from that assumption. I wiggled myself out from under the still warm, heavy corpse and propped myself against the wood crate to stare at it. A long pole of wood stuck out neatly nestled in his neatly combed haircut. Right in the middle of the back of his head. A perfect shot. I've never seen so much blood leak from one hole. Eventually, the blood stopped pulsing through, but blood was still leaking from underneath... I supposed blood is coming out of his mouth like in the movies... Moments must have flashed by before I noticed I was just sitting there staring at the Medic's body for several minutes. I shook myself awake and shuddered, gripping the ground. There was a lot of blood. There was blood all over the pavement, the dirt, the crates, all over me. A strange noise came out of my mouth, like I was trying to say something.

I realized that this was the first time I've ever seen someone die. Even if it's all simulated. Why is he still here? Why isn't respawn working? The thought of that perhaps, the first time respawn refused to work ever in the history of TF2, and it's all my fault. The RED team, whoever is left over will lynch me for sure. Or worse. Finally, his body started to dissipate, leaving the stains of bright red blood behind. I was alone again. I could hear the battle from afar. Heavy was gone, probably ran off to follow the battle or he became another victim to the Snipers headshot. Yes, there was a Sniper out there. Somewhere jumping around with a blade and bow set, no doubt he probably saw Medic talking to someone behind the crates. Does he know I'm a civilian? Will that stop him from killing me?

My question was answered an arrow struck the wall behind me. Another noise, another one landed on the crate this time, I tucked my head under my hands as I heard another hollow thunk of an arrow impact. I made another weird noise. Silence. I second I wondered if it was safe, another arrow was fired. The bloody man was teasing me. I couldn't just run out, that's probably what he's waiting for. Waiting for me to make a break for cover. I was safe behind these crates, unless he's at ground level and is approaching my hiding spot to make a personal call. I had my shotgun, but could I really win against a legal assassin with a large knife anyway? I could only shoot, I bet this man could dodge bullets like Neo and jarate chop my head off with one blow. But all I knew was, for now I was safe but I needed a plan. I remember I saw a hut with med-packs and ammo, about a few yards ahead. I could risk it and run to the safety of that hut and hope a RED comes by.

ALERT! THE FINAL CONTROL POINT IS BEING CONTESTED

Bad for RED, but great for me. Perhaps the Sniper will join the real battle and leave me alone. I peeked out. No, I didn't feel safe. I hesitantly poked my head out like a Meerkat. I was exposed now, the Sniper could easily make my head into brain soup. But nothing happened. I took a deep breath, hell how I wanted a smoke so bad. I made a run for it, kicking up dust for what looked like the building the intel room was. Hell, I don't even know if this was the same building I was in before. This place is so bloody damn confusing, they all look the same now. It was quiet, the distant hum of the power suppliers made strange bellowing noises. My only company. It was dead silent, like being in a graveyard. How many people lost their lives here? Or, how many times? I slowed down to a stop. More blood on the ground. Fantastic. It was a blood trail for sure, coming from the remains of an old sentry nest I'm guessing. I recognized the shell of a dispenser, bomb fragments and a Spy sapper. Who knows how many battles back this came from. I shivered. It was a million degrees out, and I felt cold like a ghost was breathing down my neck.

"Me-MEDICK!"

Reacting to the sudden noise, I froze and crouched behind a crate again. It was Scouts voice, but it also wasn't. It couldn't be my Scout, perhaps the BLU one? I crawled closer. I heard frantic panting, I peaked around the corner. I was right, it was the BLU Scout. He was sitting upright on his knees in a deep pool of his own blood on the ground clutching his gut. I saw his eyes tear up and shut tight in pain. His entire bottom half was drenched in thick blood, gooey bits and strips of sinew laying along with his wet hands.

I saw the dead body of our Demoman, covered in holes, slumped in a ragdoll fashion over by the wall. His bloody Eyelander lying next to him. Scout tried to crawl forward, he gave out a loud yell of pain and stopped himself. The words "Medic" were getting quieter and softer as he fought to keep back tears and tried to move. I hid in the shadows of the hallway. Blood pumped out rhythmically from the deep gashes, pooling onto the floor. The Scout trashed out weakly in frustration, dragging himself as he shouted out some more, leaving a thick sticky trail of blood behind him. Only when I noticed he struggling to keep his organs inside his body was when I suppressed the urge to vomit. I focused on the floor, I focused on anything that didn't have anything. I didn't shallow, I didn't breathe. This was worse than Medics death.

I couldn't just keep going, he'll see me. I had my gun, he was fragile enough, and I could easily shoot him. It's not murder if he'll come back to life better than ever. I'd be helping him, he won't be in pain and it'd be fast then bleeding slowly to death...But I wasn't a killer, even if he wasn't real. I bit my lip, I was thinking too much again. I should listen to Soldier and shoot now and ask questions later. I even considered throwing a medical pack to him and running off until the dying man looked up towards my direction. I dove deeper into the shadows.

"Spy?"

I froze, I could hide anymore then I was.

_fuckfuck_

I was right in the open now. The shadows were not my ally right now.

"Spy, my man, gotta help me- get me to a med-pack-"

I had to get away, I stepped forward again.

"Sp-Spy? That you?"

Silence. I thought at first, that perhaps he thought imagined the noise and go back to dying. That's what I thought until he started to fire his pistol through the shadows at me. Several wind breaking punts, all in my general direction were fired at me. I jumped up, pulling my leg muscles to reach higher into the air then they could ever hope to achieve. like a mentally challenged kangaroo, I sprinted and hopped right into a wall and collapsed. I laid there frozen, the cold wall my only comfort. I waited for sound, movement. I heard a single shot ring out. It was a different noise, not like the Scouts pistol or the Engies sentry gun. A pair of long legs appeared in front of me. It was the Spy. I looked up, he looked down, he didn't look very happy.

"Get up. The battle's over." He growled and turned.

I whimpered, but did. Spy was already half down the corridor, not bothering to wait for me. I dragged my heavy, limp body up onto my bendy legs. I limped, it felt like millions of little thorns pinching every nerve up and down my calves. I kept going, struggling to keep up, praying my body won't betray me and give out.

YOU FAILED

For fucks sake, the Spy was right. At last, the match was over. I calmed a bit, until I remember the mercy killings performed to the survivors after every game. I bolted yet again, now trying to avoid anything RED. What a position I was in. The noise of bullets and explosions increased ten-fold. I was going to die now, that or become prisoner. I doubt the other side would be as understanding as RED is, considering what I did to their Engineer.

"ACK!" I felt the impact of a rocket blow up behind me, sprinkling me with a blanket of dust and dirt. I threw myself to the side, my legs won't stop moving.

"Jack! This way! Move!" I heard a voice.

I wasn't even thinking, I obeyed and dashed towards an out-building. The door slammed shut behind me, I collapsed onto a chair.

"Thank fucking god." I said to whomever was there.

"Where were ya?" It was Demoman.

"All over! I- I don't even. Fuck." I managed to say. I was exhausted.

"Hey, he's alive!"

Scout and Engineer both appeared. They were both covered in what looked like concrete dust. That or fine snow, or cocaine. Whatever floats their boat. Engie came to my side and gave my shoulder a slight shake.

"Goddamn, Jack... I'm sorry, I left ya like that, I jus' got caught up an-"

"Jackson punched the otha Engineer in the face!" Scout shouted, he was taking off his hand bandages. Both of his ears were bleeding.

"Ya did?"

"He ran after me with a wrench." I answered weakly. I couldn't honestly remember, my heads pounding like a drum.

"Still, ya got away from him. That matters much"

Engie chuckles transcended into silence.

"Huh... you don't look so good. Do you have any more of that sand- Jack? Hey, Jack? Jack!"

"Sorry?" I snapped back into reality.

Engineer frowned.

"We gotta get doc, you look faint."

I certainly wasn't feeling well.

"What's wrong with him?" Demoman asked. His head inches to my own, "What ta hell happened? You got shot?"

Someone noticed the blood. I noticed the blood. Didn't look all that bad.

"Just a flesh wound"

I chuckled at the over-used joke, but no one knew about it so it was fine

"That's not good Jack, lemme see it."

Engineer bent down and slight glazed it. I couldn't see what was like down there, but it got Demoman all fired up. It didn't make me feel any better.

"Medic!" Demoman called. Pyro made a noise.

"Get lost Pyro, Jack's hurt."

Pyro made several noises, pointing to my leg while his other hand pointed behind him. Demoman looked flabbergasted and angry. He slapped his hands against his sides in frustration.

"Fine, take 'em. Take Jack out, get Medic."

Pyro made another noise and set his or hers flamethrower against the truck.

"I don't want to go alone" I whimpered. I had no dignity here.

"Pyro knows where Medic is son. You'll be alright."

"Don't leave me alone with him!"

"Aw, he don know what he's sayin'. Pyro is gentle as a gelded lamb."

With hell with that. Pyro will probably kill me while trying to take care of me and then leave my rotting corpse to the coyotes. Problem with that, is that he'd probably try it too. But I'm sure his method of healing is significantly different then mine is.

"Engie, you take me."

"I would son, but I'm needed here. Gotta place a dispenser 'fore they yell my ear off about it. The BLU team really ripped us a new one."

"Not as bad as Scout to Dell I hope."

"Who?"

"Dell. That's the name of the BLU engineer. Dell...Catamonger or Cough-ger or something..."

"Settle down kid, just relax now, all calm like an- calm."

I obeyed, Pyro snaked his arm under my own and hoisted me up. The pain below increased so I clenched my teeth. The wound inside my mouth began acting up again. I didn't need this. Pyro lead me away slowly, out the door towards the basement. I limped pathetically. Engie was quiet as we left, hands on hips staring at the floor. I could almost hear him gritting his teeth.

"Hmm? What's wrong now?" I heard Demoman spit out his smoke.

"Nuthing, let's get going"

I think the Pyro was trying to talk to me. The jib jab muffles from the interior of the suit still gave me comfort, besides the odd pain from my leg. It was warm, very warm as was the Pyro was.

"You'd think I'd break my legs while I was rocket jumping from the other day right?" I joked weakly.

Pyro's grip tightened as we walked down stairs slowly. We went gently went one step at time, it was slow as hell, but I sure appreciated it. Why wasn't he... insane? Why was he being gentle and concerned about me? Was it all an act? I didn't mind it, but it's odd when the only time I ever seen the Pyro alone was when he was glaring at Sniper. Like Medic glaring at me, only more hated, if that made sense. The gaskmask made another soft noise from his filter as he lowered me gingerly on a crate.

"Where- wh-" I whimpered. Although I knew I was safe deep inside the RED safe house, I didn't want to be alone. And Pyro made me feel safe now, like a giant teddy bear. I sat in the dark, alone, shivering. My heart rate was easing into a more calming tempo. The sting in my legs increasing. Finally, Pyro returned. With Medic jogging along side of him. I was not glad to see him.

"Leg?" He spoke fast, re-snapping on his gloves and crouching down.

"Yes, I think. I don't kno-"

Medic wasted no time ripping off a large section of pant leg and sock to see my wound. He jabbed it, I wheezed. Fuck, what was he doing? Slowly inserting maggots and leeches with a dull butterknife? He was doing this on purpose. The basterd.

"You've been shot." he finally concluded.

I instantly yanked my head over the wide girth of the Heavy to stare upon my injury. Blood. There was blood on my leg. I was shot, with a gun, in my leg... and it didn't even hurt like I thought it would be. Looking as best I could without Heavy getting in the way, I leaned in to have a better look at it. I didn't like what I saw. Dark, red blood ran down my calf and into my boot as the fabric from my clothes absorbed it. Three puncture wounds, that looked like halved cherries blotted the flesh of my lower leg.

"Oh my god."

I screamed out in absolute pain. Whatever I felt back yesterday in Medics office was a picnic compared to the surges of pure agony I felt. I breathed but it felt like no air was entering my lungs. I grabbed onto something's arm for dear life. My heart began to pound again, the numbness grew in my limbs, the room spun around me. I was having a stroke. I attempted to speak, it failed. Heavy came around the corner and strolled towards Medics side. He peered down to what the doctor was doing to my leg.

"Are you hurt?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I'm having a stroke." I told him. My voice worked once more.

"The effects of the Kritzberg don't affect him like you and I Heavy. I need the medigun. But now, the bullets must be removed. Now." Medic said, removing my boot.

"I'm having a stroke. Medic, I'm having a stroke!"

Why wasn't this basterd listening to me? You'd think he'd love this sort of thing.

Medic twitched, "One thing at a time kind. Pyro, Heavy, please restrain him, I can't have him trashing around as I work."

That made my heart race more. Pyro didn't hesitate before he moved behind the crate to lock my arms with his, as Heavy crouched down to grab my legs. I wasn't concerned on being held down. The real fear was the thought of how much this was going to hurt. I screwed my eyes shut as he pretty much cut away at my leg, this was payback from earlier I'm sure. I couldn't help but fidget and squirm, but Heavy and Pyro did a good job forcing me down. I couldn't move an inch.

"There are three bullets. Fortunate none of them penetrated your tibia."

Medic looked away and muttered quietly, "Not so much for me, but good all the same."

Three fucking bullets? I remember many shots being fired at me, but I swore I felt only one combine with my leg. How did three get in there? I don't think that's important, I'm really going to die now. My fingers dug into the arms of Pyro, he didn't respond. I doubt Pyro would have felt anything anyway, not through that suit.

"Novocaine!" I hissed, baring my teeth like a rapid animal. Someone better deliver before I go violent. Words that sounded like Heavy's spoke to me.

"You are fortunate, Scouts pistol is weak. Like he is. Eat this"

Heavy was practically gagging me with it. I bit whatever was being forced into my mouth. It felt, smelt like a sandvich. I didn't care if it had meat in it. I tasted bread, lettuce, and ham. I still didn't care, I couldn't gag if I wanted too. Although, the scorching pain below subsided almost immediately. Much like the medigun did yesterday. I took deep, slow breaths, the pain was much more tolerable now. Pyro and Heavy released me.

"You can walk?" Heavy asked.

Gripping the sides of the crates, I tried steadily on my leg. It still hurt like hell, but I managed to take a step. I felt braver that I accomplished standing without sobbing in pain. That was when I realized my eyes were full of tears.

"I could still use help though I think." I gasped

Without a word, Heavy's arms swung under my legs, and lifted me up with ease. I grabbed his shoulders automatically, he was pure muscle. I felt like a blushing bride on her wedding night. But this was no time for giggling, I had to look dignified much as possible. I forced myself to relax in the Heavies hold. I heard Soldier yelling in the distance. Fear returned with force, making me dizzy and frightful. I knew he was going to blame me for this. Perhaps, in a way I was. I didn't really contribute to today's victory, but I certainly didn't in its loss. Unless they find out that I was partially responsible for Medics death near the end. I wasn't going to think about it now, I had food digesting in my stomach now. Voices spoke around me. I had me eyes shut, I was trying to forget about what was happening.

"He can ride up with me. Lots of laying room."

"That's right kid, get lots of rest. You had quite a day."

That I did. I faked a goofy smile grew on my numbing face, it's true, I didn't die, I survived. I was shot at, I plead for mercy, all while running around never shooting my gun. An accomplishment. A pathetic one, but one I must learn from. I never was going to fight again.

* * *

_Spare a review? The gods need their daily nutriments and I can't afford anymore hookers to feed them. As Napoleon, the King of France famously said before having his torso blown apart with a cannon, "Give me a fucking review you cretins". _


End file.
